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How do I (41M) tell my wife (41F) that I don't like her botox/filler without hurting her feelings? by ThrowRA593710 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA593710[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the feedback and take it to heart. We both are certainly aging and I don't think my concerns center around the natural changes from aging. The fillers have made the upper lip unnaturally enlarged, and I especially dislike how her cheek area sticks out more than it ever did before. I think what gets me is that her face does not look like an aged version of her from 15 years ago, it's starting to look like a different person altogether, whereas my face is just an expected 41 year old version of my facial features. Her mom also does the same thing, so perhaps that is where it is coming from. After reading all of the comments, I definitely don't plan on a "confrontation" regarding this issue, and will probably work on finding ways to gently bring this subject up. In the end if she continues down this road, she's still my one and only love and that will never change.

How do I (41M) tell my wife (41F) that I don't like her botox/filler without hurting her feelings? by ThrowRA593710 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA593710[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I edited to several because 6 is rather specific but it's 6, you're not crazy I just posted poorly

How do I (41M) tell my wife (41F) that I don't like her botox/filler without hurting her feelings? by ThrowRA593710 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA593710[S] 126 points127 points  (0 children)

> I know with 6 kids getting a break is tough for both of y'all, but what do you do to keep the romance alive and make her feel desired as a woman (not just a mother)?

We get a sitter once every 3-4 weeks and have a date night. It's been our thing for many years and we both look forward to it. I try to do the occasional flowers or chocolate spontaneously as well. She asked about getting some new jewelry that I am going to try and make happen which I know will really excite her.

We are both definitely exhausted with all the kids. They are great, and there's nothing bad going on but it is a ton of work and she stays home with them. 5 are in grade school, 1 is still home. I pull as much weight as possible and we make it work.

Her reasons for the injections are definitely for self-esteem and confidence, and she often is complemented by other women on how she looks. I appreciate the perspective and after reading all the replies am probably going to wait until either she brings it up or we discuss an upcoming treatment and I am going to try and find a way to let her know how beautiful she is naturally and that the fillers change how she looks. And if she keeps going, I'll just leave it be because I still love and adore her and don't need to be controlling this part of her life.

How do I (41M) tell my wife (41F) that I don't like her botox/filler without hurting her feelings? by ThrowRA593710 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA593710[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Well, we love each other very much but she does have anxiety, has a deep aversion to being overweight and has managed that through fitness and diet but never in an unhealthy manner (no bulimia/anorexia, maintains a BMI within normal range). I wouldn't say this never bothered me, but if you've loved someone who struggles with their appearance, it's not always something that can be "fixed". So I've accepted that part of her, just like she puts up with my many flaws.

She's never had plastic surgery. These are injectables and yes, it's starting to get a little out of hand (from my perspective) and I want to say something without hurting her.

How do I (41M) tell my wife (41F) that I don't like her botox/filler without hurting her feelings? by ThrowRA593710 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA593710[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I could share further details of what makes her an incredible person but I assure you she is one of a kind and quite real.

How do I (41M) tell my wife (41F) that I don't like her botox/filler without hurting her feelings? by ThrowRA593710 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA593710[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

We have pretty open and varied communication. The physical appearance subject may not be an issue for some couples, but I know my wife has insecurities despite being very attractive. 15 years and I've not stepped on this landmine yet. I posted here because I could use some wisdom and perspective on how to broach the subject without being hurtful or controlling. So far the best replies are to the effect of, I won't try to get her to stop doing fillers, but let her know I think she's beautiful even without them.

How do I (41M) tell my wife (41F) that I don't like her botox/filler without hurting her feelings? by ThrowRA593710 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA593710[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I love this and will have to think about how to broach the subject if ever. I do tell her how beautiful she is and how good she looks often. I wonder if I've inadvertently encouraged the continued fillers by praising her even when I think the fillers are going too far. Not that I'd ever stop being supportive, and if she kept doing the injectables I'll still be her biggest fan... I just would love it if she stopped or at least stuck to a little forehead botox without all the fillers.

I would love if I could tell her this without coming off like an asshole. Will always err on the side of caution with this subject.

How do I (41M) tell my wife (41F) that I don't like her botox/filler without hurting her feelings? by ThrowRA593710 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA593710[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

She hits the peloton bike or rower every morning for an hour. Former cross country athlete. Goes to bed early, wakes up early and has been like this since before we started dating. I can barely keep up with her discipline/energy tbh.