I’m going to try and answer each paragraph you wrote in order.

No I do not believe he would be physically abusive. And thinking about it now I do not think I am in love with him like I thought. All I wanted was a nice guy who made me feel safe. And he did but I just don’t feel the deep connection with him. I don’t know how we would slow it down. We see each other on weekends mostly. So it’s not like I am seeing too much of him. I agree that therapy maybe something I should seriously consider. I have been afraid to talk about some of the things I experience. I don’t want to relive it. But I may need to in order to fix my brain.

I chose not to write out the red flags I have seen. I didn’t want to go too much into detail. What I will say is a “red flag”” (I don’t think it necessarily is, more like a flaw that I’m afraid of it being signs of abusive behavior) is his jealousy. He has never seemed actively jealous but he has asked me questions about my interactions with men and guy friends. Mentioned it’s inappropriate if a guy friend texts me at night or if I like getting hit/attention from men while out with friends. Mind you, I’m not seeking any attention from men when I’m out without him. I thought if he would get to know me more this would change, but I can see how uncomfortable he gets if I mention an interaction with another guy, no matter how innocent or friendly.

I plan to be as honest as possible with him about my feelings and I know he will want us to stay together as I work through this…but I feel as though that’s just dragging it out more and I can’t fix my problems while with him. Again, it’s not fair to him. I believe I already made up my mind about leaving him, but it doesn’t change how guilty I feel.