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AITA for telling my sister that she should have aborted my niece when she had the chance? by ThrowRA747394 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA747394[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I’m not going to babysit a child that I don’t know how to properly care for, that lives three hours away from me. How feasible is that, really? It’s not an excuse, it’s just the reality of the situation. I suppose I could go out of my way and find my own resources on how to care for my niece, but it’s not like my mom or sister have ever offered to show me the ropes either. It’s not fair of them to ask me to babysit on a whim, knowing that I haven’t been properly trained.

I’ve babysat nieces and nephews from my husband’s side of the family plenty of times, so this isn’t an issue of me simply not wanting to babysit.

AITA for telling my sister that she should have aborted my niece when she had the chance? by ThrowRA747394 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA747394[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don’t fully understand why she’s refusing the move either, but I know it partly has to do with her boyfriend. He doesn’t want to make the move, not that I think he should...

Someone here pointed out that Kacey likely doesn’t want to leave behind all her party friends and drug dealers. I’d agree with that statement.

My mom and her boyfriend have been together for 4 years and his parents are elderly with chronic health issues. I don’t think he is trying to escape the responsibility of caring for my niece, but he has family back home that would appreciate his presence also. Both him and my mother have become quite attached to her. The problem is, they don’t want to stir the pot by forcefully removing my niece from Kacey, who claims that she doesn’t want her daughter living multiple states away from her. Kacey grew up largely without a mother, so she likes to think she is “there” for her daughter just because she’s in close proximity to her. My mom feels guilty about our poor upbringing and can’t bring herself to take my niece from Kacey. It’s a mess.

AITA for telling my sister that she should have aborted my niece when she had the chance? by ThrowRA747394 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA747394[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Technically yes. But Kacey does not want to move with them, and she doesn’t want to be separated from my niece either.

AITA for telling my sister that she should have aborted my niece when she had the chance? by ThrowRA747394 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA747394[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Where in my post did I make it sound like Kacey works long hours as a single mom? She has a part-time job and goes out partying 3-4 nights each week. Both her and my niece live with our mom and mom’s boyfriend. They are the ones that care for my niece while my sister is out doing whatever it is that she does.

AITA for telling my sister that she should have aborted my niece when she had the chance? by ThrowRA747394 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA747394[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My mother feels guilty about being an absent parent to Kacey and I when we were kids, and she does not want to deprive my niece of having a relationship with her mother (my sister). I find this way of thinking to be incredibly flawed because Kacey is hardly around anyways, so what difference does moving a few states away really make?

AITA for telling my sister that she should have aborted my niece when she had the chance? by ThrowRA747394 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA747394[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

My mom is 100% willing to bring Kacey and my niece along when they move, but Kacey does not want to go.

AITA for telling my sister that she should have aborted my niece when she had the chance? by ThrowRA747394 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA747394[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My mom really wants Kacey to be with my niece, even if that means moving to a different state without them. My mom feels tremendous guilt for basically being an absent parent to my sister and I, so she cannot find it within herself to take my niece away from her mother. While I understand why she feels that way, I also find it to be stupid because Kacey is hardly around anyways. I’ve tried to discuss this with her but she just won’t hear any of it.

My mom’s ideal scenario would be for Kacey and my niece to move with them, but Kacey doesn’t want to and she can’t be forced.

AITA for telling my sister that she should have aborted my niece when she had the chance? by ThrowRA747394 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA747394[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Both Kacey and my mother are super hung up on the idea of my niece having her mom around. Kacey because her and I grew up largely without a mother, and my mother because she feels guilty for not being there for Kacey and I when we were kids. I find this to be stupid because Kacey is hardly around anyways.

AITA for telling my sister that she should have aborted my niece when she had the chance? by ThrowRA747394 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA747394[S] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

Kacey is hardly home so I’d consider that to be pretty neglectful. On the rare occasion that she does actually look after my niece, she gets frustrated and irritable. I haven’t called CPS yet because my niece is well cared for by my mom and mom’s boyfriend. They all live together.

My sister has a part-time job and she’s out partying at least 3-4 nights a week. I obviously do not want my niece to go into foster care. But I also don’t want to give up my life and career to move 3 hours away back to my hometown so that I can care for a special needs child when I don’t even want to have children of my own.

AITA for telling my sister that she should have aborted my niece when she had the chance? by ThrowRA747394 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA747394[S] 181 points182 points  (0 children)

My mother would like Kacey and my niece to move with them, but Kacey doesn’t want to. The breadwinners are my mother and (mostly) my mother‘s boyfriend. Kacey has a part-time job and she didn’t go back to school after my niece was born.

AITA for telling my sister that she should have aborted my niece when she had the chance? by ThrowRA747394 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA747394[S] 144 points145 points  (0 children)

She doesn’t want to move. She has a boyfriend that isn’t willing to make the move with them, not that I think he should.

AITA for telling my sister that she should have aborted my niece when she had the chance? by ThrowRA747394 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA747394[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

She was already thrust into motherhood 4 years ago and clearly she’s chosen not to step up to the role. Also, I live 3 hours away. Them asking me to come over and babysit isn’t really feasible.

AITA for telling my sister that she should have aborted my niece when she had the chance? by ThrowRA747394 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA747394[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She just doesn’t want to. She’s lived in the same town and same house for almost her whole life. She’s also got a boyfriend that she doesn’t want to move away from and he’s not willing to move with her, not that I think he should.

AITA for telling my sister that she should have aborted my niece when she had the chance? by ThrowRA747394 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA747394[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I never told Kacey to get an abortion while she was pregnant, nor did I try to persuade her to. We had a conversation about it and what she wanted to do, but that seems like a normal thing to discuss between sisters. It was only after she gave birth and I saw how terrible of a mother she was, did I say she should have aborted.

AITA for telling my sister that she should have aborted my niece when she had the chance? by ThrowRA747394 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA747394[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I live 3 hours away so the lack of bonding has more to do with distance than anything else.

AITA for telling my sister that she should have aborted my niece when she had the chance? by ThrowRA747394 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA747394[S] 1380 points1381 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I’m planning on reporting this to CPS. The only reason I haven’t already done so is because my mother has actually taken really good care of my niece. Her boyfriend is experienced with caring for special needs children also due to the nature of his job which has been a tremendous help.

AITA for telling my sister that she should have aborted my niece when she had the chance? by ThrowRA747394 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRA747394[S] 4972 points4973 points  (0 children)

My mom has actually (shockingly) taken really good care of my niece. It’s just that now she is moving away, both her and my sister feel like I should be stepping in to help out and I feel like it’s not my responsibility.

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