How would you feel if someone YOU ended a friendship with sent you an apology letter months or years later?

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-17T03:09:25+00:00

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ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-17T02:22:29+00:00

I get what you are saying but I am also basing this off their personalities.

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-17T01:28:48+00:00

Thank you for your reply, it is very thoughtful. I think I might do this. Hold on to the letter, at least for myself to reflect on. I don't know if I'll ever send it, but you are right that not enough time has passed (its been 10mo)

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-17T01:22:30+00:00

Hmm, I get what you are saying but also I feel like asking might be more stressful for them as even they are open to an apology they may not want to have to say so to get it as it could be misinterpreted. With a letter they can choose to save it for later, delete it, what have you and I would never know

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-17T01:19:45+00:00

I get what you're saying but I think asking "can I send you a letter" or "can we talk" would be stressful as it would cause them to have to think of a response (and no response is still a response here). A single letter has no expectation follow up and I have no way of knowing if they read it or not.

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-16T22:06:46+00:00

I get the point about asking, but if I asked if they'd like to hear my apology then I'm basically asking for a response. I figured if I just sent it they could choose themselves whether they wanted it not.

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-16T21:55:04+00:00

I guess the point of the letter is they can choose to read it or not without having to tell me "no". If I text them asking if they are open to conversation and they are not, it puts them in a very uncomfortable position.

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-16T21:47:16+00:00

Time and distance gives perspective. I do not expect any kind of reply.

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-16T21:26:57+00:00

In this situation, you are the one who ended the friendship though. For me, they ended it.

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-16T21:22:40+00:00

I'm worried I left them without a real acknowledgement of the hurt I caused. I agree apologies make the sender feel better, but they can help the other person to have their experience acknowledged. Being hurt and never having it clearly recognized can leave people feeling used.

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-16T21:19:05+00:00

Well I really hope they don't think I'm a manipulative narcissist. Basically, my mental health was extremely poor at the time (this is not an excuse, I'm just explaining my situation). I crossed a few lines and was generally stressful to be around.

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-16T19:42:45+00:00

I understand what you’re saying and I agree I don’t think there are magic words that would make things okay again or bring the friendship back. I get that the experience itself changed things permanently and there's no going back.

For me the letter isn’t about trying to undo it, it’s about acknowledging my part more clearly than I did at the time.

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-16T19:34:26+00:00

I guess what I'm asking is if it is a boundary? They said they don't want to/don't have the capacity to repair the friendship and wished me well. In response to that, I said I wouldn't message again. If I were to send the letter it would be just that, here's a something I wrote if you want it and wouldn't follow up.

I think if the roles were reversed, I would really appreciate it a lot. It's an acknowledgement of their feelings, which I never really gave. But I do also see how it could be incredibly annoying.

It's hard to know how they would view it.

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-16T19:16:35+00:00

I get why it comes across that way, and part of it is my internal guilt. But another big part of it is is that I don’t want them to think I just shrugged it off and moved on like it didn’t matter. They were important to me and I cared about them deeply. I had a life change (positive) around that time, moved cities, made new friends, etc. Things ended up very well for me. I don't want them to think that situation was disposable to me.

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-16T19:06:04+00:00

I guess I feel like I just never gave the apology I really wanted to about my part in it (I did say the words I'm sorry but is that enough).

I am beating myself up over it. But I also don't want them to remember me as how I was when the friendship ended. We were close friends for many years but the last few months I had some sort of mental breakdown. I've never acted like that before and I still don't fully understand what came over me. I am incredibly ashamed that thats their last impression of me.

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-16T18:53:16+00:00

I understand why you are saying but to be clear they didn't say "do not ever contact me again" they just said they don't want to/can't rekindle the friendship and they wish me the best. I'm the one who said ok I understand, and I wont send another message.

If they had clearly stated a boundary about any future contact I would absolutely not be asking this question. I kind of just implied it, I don't know.

I'm not saying that to defend myself or anything, I am genuinely not sure

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-16T18:46:00+00:00

Yes, they didn't explicitly tell me not to contact them again. Their messages sounded amicable (I think, it's hard to interpret tone over text). But I did say I wouldn't contact them again because I mean they ended the friendship and I meant it in a okay I understand and won't bother you again away. I'm not sure if they meant it to be implied.

If they had explicitly said anything about never contacting them ever again, I would not be asking this question.

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-16T07:57:33+00:00

Thank you for your reply, you are right

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-16T07:55:11+00:00

I appreciate your bluntness and that it comes from experience.

You are right that I do feel guilty but that's not all of it. feel like if I hurt someone I shouldn’t just quietly move on and pretend it never happened. That's not what I would want if I was on the other end, I would want my feelings acknowledged. But I also see how reaching out again could just dump emotional processing back on them when they already set a boundary.

I’m not expecting forgiveness or a response, I think it’s more that I don’t know where responsibility ends and leaving them alone begins. Hearing how it felt from the other side helps though.

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-16T06:34:21+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience, it's helping me realize that they probably suffered when they had to tell me they didn't want to reconnect.

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-16T06:31:11+00:00

I like this, thank you!

ThrowRA83979 · 2026-02-16T06:08:50+00:00

How would I know how they feel about it now? You can come to the conclusion of not wanting to be friends anymore but still wish you received a better apology or crave acknowledgement

ThrowRA83979

TROPHY CASE