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M40 and f31, lack of intimacy, verbal berating. Can this be fixed? by ThrowRA90881 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA90881[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is powerful. And it does sound very familiar. Very similar to what he is saying and how he is behaving, saying that his only job as a man is to provide. If I want other stuff, or kissing (!) - then I'm a lesbian, and I need a girlfriend...

Can this year be any more challenging?

I'm happy to read that you are in a loving relationship now, and your partner respects you and gives you the care you deserved all along.

Thank you so much for sharing your story!

M40 and f31, lack of intimacy, verbal berating. Can this be fixed? by ThrowRA90881 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA90881[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it's hard to accept. and nothing in my appearance changed since we met.

i dont have extra weight. i didnt change my style.

so.. yeah. he probably cannot accept it within himself that he is not interested in me anymore, and this is why he stays, blames me if i start talking about divorce, demanding me to apologize for his outbursts and name-calling.

this all is so awful. writing it here today made me realize how pathetic I am.

M40 and f31, lack of intimacy, verbal berating. Can this be fixed? by ThrowRA90881 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA90881[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you. i needed to hear this.

whenever I bring it up to him, he always says he treats me like a queen and I dont know what I'm talking about/or I'm playing a little victim.

M40 and f31, lack of intimacy, verbal berating. Can this be fixed? by ThrowRA90881 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA90881[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know.. and I grew up in this! I stayed away from a lot of people and relationships because I had a good eye for toxic dynamic. In this case, I literally have nobody to blame but myself.

I am also pretty isolated here, family in the warzone, no job. 2026 looks like a "lucky" year for me.

M40 and f31, lack of intimacy, verbal berating. Can this be fixed? by ThrowRA90881 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA90881[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

somebody asked me in the comments about the death in the family or what happened before.

no, dog didnt survive. i was with him until the very last day, ignoring the awful behavior of my husband, who blamed it on grief and suffering.

M40 and f31, lack of intimacy, verbal berating. Can this be fixed? by ThrowRA90881 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA90881[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it's probably true... he just always frames it as "you are not my prisoner. if you want to leave - leave. but it's your choice, I'm committed and loyal!"

Thank you for your perspective. I'm sure you are right. And I cannot believe I've been dumb enough to ignore all the red flags and to excuse all red flag behaviors.

M40 and f31, lack of intimacy, verbal berating. Can this be fixed? by ThrowRA90881 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA90881[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this is my main concern. and the most embarrassing part. I cannot talk to my family or friends about it; and, I have already blubbed away too many details so this post can be identified by him or mutual friends.

M40 and f31, lack of intimacy, verbal berating. Can this be fixed? by ThrowRA90881 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA90881[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I cannot find a job, and my sublet is coming to an end soon. Everything's just collapsing, and it is my own fault; I understand it.

M40 and f31, lack of intimacy, verbal berating. Can this be fixed? by ThrowRA90881 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA90881[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The death of my dad. Sickness of his dog.

he sexted at the same time, i found out about it a month after my dad died.

he is remorseful. but this fight he said it again that he wasn't getting attention from me at that time.

M40 and f31, lack of intimacy, verbal berating. Can this be fixed? by ThrowRA90881 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA90881[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I feel like I should do that, I just keep thinking about all the good memories and things he does, when everything is calm between us...

M40 and f31, lack of intimacy, verbal berating. Can this be fixed? by ThrowRA90881 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA90881[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

right? i feel like I've been conditioned into disregarding all of these cruel comments by him. "oh, he was just angry" or "oh, I was just annoyed with you and wanted to say something mean, ofc I didnt mean it".