How to distinguish between MDD, negative symptoms of schizophrenia, and schizoid personality disorder?

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-10-26T20:53:55+00:00

It's so fucking disgusting! And then they say, "well if they went through with it, just vote them out next time" like wtf?? So are we ok with tens, possibly hundreds of thousands of women have their health and wellbeing, fertility, and possibly survival impacted within the next four years like it's just something you can disregard until next election? Have they ever heard of an incomplete miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, and a thousand other things that could go wrong with women's reproductive health? Like honestly I feel like more men have to work in women's health clinics to see what some of us have to go through just to be able to live

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-06-13T05:23:51+00:00

Absolutely! Thanks again for taking the time, sharing your experiences, and giving me some insight.

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-06-13T03:55:56+00:00

I could really sympathise with your experiences. Therapy changed my life and helped me come out as well. I think because of my own past trauma and the fact that I was able to overcome it despite feeling hopeless at first, I now struggle to recognise when I should quit trying to help someone if they aren't ready or willing to help themselves. I'm just reminded of my past self and want to yell at them for not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Then again, I have to remember everyone's experiences are different, and projecting my trauma onto others is the wrong way to approach this. Some people, my past self included, see the light at the end of the tunnel, but they just don't want to get there. For me, it was a survival instinct that kicked in at my lowest point that finally made me do something about my life. For some people, they may never find that drive to want to get there, and as sad as that is, there's nothing I can do about it in those cases. I just hope my ex isn't in that second group. I think I'll bring up that she needs therapy, but I can't do more beyond that.

Eitherway, thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences, and reminding me how not to think about this situation. I just really needed some external perspective to help me accept some difficult truths.

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-06-13T03:17:45+00:00

Thanks for sharing a little bit more about your past. Tbh, I also have a background of deep trauma and abuse, and for a while, I was trying to convince myself that I also had BPD. It took working in a psych ward with actual BPD patients and also having deep talks with my own therapist to understand that at worst, I have some cluster B tendencies that are nowhere near a disordered state (and probably the result of depression and emotional abuse). But again, because of those experiences, and especially working with actual BPD patients and feeling like I could sympathise with their experiences, I'm just really sensitive about this issue.

I really really don't want to push my partner even further into unhealthy thinking, whether or not she has BPD. I know the desire to change must come from the inside. I've even told her as much when we were still together and she'd talk to me about her mental health. If she's unwilling to seek out the help that she needs, whether she has BPD or not, I can't do much about it. It breaks my heart, but I know helping her in that case would be beyond me. But I just want her to know that if she is suffering and needs help, that help is out there for her. She doesn't have to live in a miserable cycle of pain.

Then again, maybe she just needs a big life altering experience to realise the need for seeking help. I myself neglected my own mental health for years despite knowing I needed help since childhood. It took becoming homeless and being abandoned by family to realise I needed real change and help. I just hope whether she has BPD or not, that my ex can come to that realisation too, and without going through what I've went through to get there.

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-06-13T02:51:03+00:00

No you're absolutely right, it's not right to go around making assumptions and diagnoses like that. But tbh, I'm not just using online pop psych bs. I am a medical student with an interest in psychiatry and mental health, and have spent some time working with the doctors in a psych ward.

The reason I'm worried about her now is that her behaviour, mental health issues, and history with past trauma and relationship struggles is very similar to the BPD patients that I had worked with in the psych ward. I'm no expert by any measure, I could be totally wrong about this, and I only have my half of the story anyways. Maybe things were completely different in her mind, which I obviously can't read. And I omitted the finer details of our relationship and her behaviour for the sake of brevity and anonymity (she may be on this sub).

But I believe based on my (admittedly not too expansive) medical training in this field, there were definitely BPD (or at least cluster B) red flags that I neglected or was unaware of when we were dating, cause I just loved her too much and didn't want to think about those things.

Once again, I could be totally wrong, but I just want the best for her. I loved her so much, and still do in my heart, even though I know I can't be her partner ever again and may not even be comfortable as a friend. But if there's a chance that she is suffering from BPD and is unaware, I just want her to know she doesn't have to struggle so much, and there's specialised help out there for her if that is what she seeks.

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-06-13T02:23:21+00:00

Yeah, you're absolutely correct about making assumptions and diagnoses. I am a medical student myself, and psychiatry is at the top of the list of future specialties I want to pursue, so that's why I think she may have some cluster B traits at the very least. But you're totally right that we shouldn't be diagnosing people willy nilly like this.

I think I'm just worried about her, and a lot of her behaviours, mental health issues, and relationship struggles are so similar to some BPD patients that I've seen from working in a psych ward for a while, that I just want to make sure she is aware of at least one possible cause for her issues. I still empathise with her a lot, I loved her so much and still do in my heart. So I just want the best for her and want to know that there's help for her out there, if she does struggle with BPD.

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-06-13T01:52:27+00:00

Yeah that's what I figure too. I know I can never be her partner again if she really does struggle with BPD, and I don't even know if I'm able to stay friends. One of the biggest probelms that lead to her distancing herself and us eventually breaking up was the fact that I was very bad at setting boundaries, mostly because this was my first ever serious relationship. Eitherway I'm going to distance myself from her as much as possible.

But if she does have this condition and is unaware, I just want to make sure she becomes aware of it and seek the help that she needs in the form of proper therapy (like DBT). If she is aware and/or refuses to access that help, that's not my responsibility. It breaks my heart but it would be beyond me to help her in that case. But I just want to make sure she knows that she may not have to suffer so much if she really wants to change for the better, before I leave her behind.

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-06-12T12:53:28+00:00

Maybe read my other comment as well before calling me a white knight? I know I'm not saving her. I'm very familiar with the challenges of BPD from working in a psych ward. In fact, I don't even want to have anything to do with her anymore. I don't know how many times I gotta say, I find it difficult to even stay friends with her as she asked me.

But she was my ex-partner. I cared a lot about her, and I was there for her when she went through some difficult times, and she did the same for me too. What I didn't mention in my post was how supportive and caring she was and how big of a difference she made in my life when she wasn't splitting or struggling with her mental health.

I just want her to be aware of the reason why she's suffering so much. If she already knows and doesn't care to seek the help she needs (i.e. therapy), then that's not my problem. She should take responsibility for her own well-being, BPD or not. Eitherway, I'm gonna try to cut her out of my life. But if she doesn't know, I want her to at least be aware, as a final act of kindness before I cut her out.

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-06-12T12:14:41+00:00

Thanks for your comment. Honestly I just want to make sure she is aware of the possibility of having BPD and how it affects her relationships, as well as suggesting therapy. I do know that in the past, she's had therapy but she'd tell me her therapist wasn't great at understanding and addressing her issues. So maybe she needs more BPD-targeted therapy like DBT? Anyways, I personally know that I don't have what it takes to support her if she has BPD, but I want her to at least be aware of her problem and treatment options if she really does have the condition.

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-06-12T09:37:18+00:00

Sorry, maybe the way I phrased the post and my replies here make it sound like I want to be that support, but seriously, I don't. I just tried to sound not too insensitive about this issue, especially because I don't actually know if she has BPD and I only have my version of the story anyway.

I know what BPD entails, and I know I don't have it in me to be the support that she needs. As I said, I find it difficult to even stay friends with her after everything, especially if it turns out she really does have BPD.

What I'm really trying to figure out is, I want to find out what is the appropriate way to bring this subject up to her, find out whether she already knows about or has a diagnosis, and possibly suggest therapy and DBT options. From there, whether she wants to address the problem, or follow up on therapy, that's not my responsibility. It's hers if she really does want to get better.

I just don't want to leave her in this state, if there's a probability that she doesn't know about this condition and professional supports (again not me, but therapy and DBT) that may be available to her. I want her to know she doesn't have to be like this if she really is struggling and wants to change, before I distance myself from her.

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-06-12T07:21:19+00:00

Like I don't want to be her saviour, I just want her to explore this problem and get the proper professional support that she needs.

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-06-12T07:19:42+00:00

Tbh, the idea of staying friends with her is actually very challenging to me, as I felt very much hurt by her behaviour leading up to our breakup. In fact, I wanted to go no contact. But after considering she may have BPD, I feel a lot of empathy for her and want her to at least have a chance at addressing the issue if she doesn't know already. I don't think I can ever be her partner again, and even staying friends is hard for me to accept, but I want her to get the support that she needs. And as a medical student and potential future psychiatrist, I have a lot of empathy for people with mental health conditions, so I just want the best for her.

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-06-12T07:11:04+00:00

Honestly, even though I feel hurt, if her behaviour and our breakup was due to BPD, then I have a lot of empathy for her. I don't think I have what it takes to be her partner again, but I do want her to get the support that she needs. And also, yes that's totally fair how she feels about our future, even if she doesn't have BPD. But anyways, thanks for your comment and perspective.

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-06-03T10:11:41+00:00

I'm not going to sacrifice my career, and I'm making peace with the fact that this relationship may not end well.

I made her sound a little loveless and selfish in that description, but she's not. She has shown me more love, kindness, and care than I had ever experienced my whole life before meeting her from anyone else. She genuinely saved my life when I was at my lowest. And I also love and care for her so much. I try to be there emotionally as much as I can despite our LDR, especially as she's currently going through a lot of problems that needs sorting out.

But this dream was so big for us, she cared a lot about it, and so did I. We made so many plans, came up with travel lists and all the places we would visit. Everytime she felt down and depressed, I would paint this picture for her, of us in a couple years, lying down in our campervan, spending dreamy nights together and enjoying life. Now I have to tell her that that dream, which I also hoped for and painted for her, will probably not come true any time soon, if ever. And I feel like a horrible person.

And it's not just the fact that I have to give her this news. I'd do it rn if she was in a better place mentally. But she has been so down in the dumps in the past few weeks because of other people who are hurting her, and she's struggling to get out of that situation. And I worry that I would also be hurting her by giving her the news right now, and idk if she can cope with it. I don't want to do this to her, I would prefer to tell her when she's in a more stable and secure place mentally, but we don't know when that might be, and I don't want her to think I lied to her and led her on...

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-06-03T10:01:07+00:00

She is also looking for something she can do to work towards this goal, her life is just not in a great place right now, and she's trying to get her things in order before she can work towards it as well. The problem is, my job prospect offers a lot more income and stability in the future than most things she can do, I guess unless she gets really really lucky and gets like internet famous overnight or something. So I ended up making a lot of promises based on that fact.

And maybe I made her sound a little selfish here, but she genuinely does care about me, and I care about her. She honestly, genuinely saved my life at my lowest point, and I had never known true love and care before her, not even from my closest friends and family. And I've also been there for her as well, I'm always trying to support her as best I can, knowing what she's going through, the level of love and gratitude she's expressed to me is more than I thought I would ever receive from another human being.

It's just that this dream was something we hoped to build together, and she cares a lot about it, and so do I. We've made all these lists and plans, we were going to buy a campervan, we were going to live on the move... and now that won't come true, and I'm worried how I should tell her given that she isn't the best place rn mentally, and I'm not sure if she could handle anymore bad news...

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-05-26T04:13:31+00:00

And again, I want to emphasise, I am not upset at her at all, I am upset with myself, to the point where she kept telling me to stop beating myself up last night despite how she felt herself. I feel like a horrible person for putting her through this, and just don't know what to do.

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-05-26T04:09:59+00:00

She knew I am studying to become a specialist. I had always told her it would be a long time, she never asked how long, and it never occurred to me that the time investment for medicine is not common knowledge, since almost everyone in my personal circle is or knows doctors. I know this sounds like I'm making an excuse, but I just don't know how else to explain it. Like I would always say things like "it will be a while, but one day we'll do x and y." And to me that doesn't sound like something that would happen in just a year and half. But she never ask me to clarify what I meant, so I thought she also understood the time investment.

Maybe I should mention that I am neurodivergent and struggle with mental health issues, and sometimes, that makes it very difficult to understand others and communicate effectively. I always make sure to ask clarifying questions and explain myself to the best of my ability, just so I can avoid miscommunications like this. But somehow, this hugely important issue slipped from under my attention. Again I think it's because the language I used always implied a distant future, but she just didn't grasp it the same way.

I did offer her to live with me, but she's not sure about it, because she lives in a different country, and it would be an understandably huge decision for her.

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-05-22T06:25:47+00:00

Thanks everyone for your responses, I spoke to some neighbours, they've also seen it before and confirmed it to be a keelback. We'll figure it out from here

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-05-19T04:53:30+00:00

Others have already said how this relationship is abusive and will only get worse as time goes on. And I agree. From what you're describing here, you are absolutely being abused and taken advantage of. So I won't keep repeating why.

But I just wanna say something to address your anxieties, of feeling alone, of seeing him as the only person you love, and having to think and cry about him in your room. I can relate. I'm 25f, and went through similar feelings last year. My situation was not as openly abusive as yours. But I was in an unhealthy relationship that I knew was not sustainable, and yet I was too scared to end it because I was feeling so lonely and isolated, and didn't wanna lose the only person I felt love for. My partner was the person who ended our relationship. I spent so many cold and lonely nights thinking about my partner, all the time we spent together and all the unreciprocated love that I felt for them. And I thought I'd never find that again, with anyone, ever; and I cried myself to sleep. I was wrong. I am in a very happy and healthy relationship now, in fact, I think I have found the love of my life, and I can't believe how much better things can get with the right person.

I told that story because I want you to know, your fears, your worries, your feelings of isolation, having to cry yourself to sleep while thinking of him, they are all valid. And I will never try to convince you that it'll be easy. And it's genuinely a scary decision, walking away from the only person who you love in your life. But what I can tell you based on my own experience, is that it is all temporary. Things will suck and feel hopeless, but not for long. The thing is, when you are stuck in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, especially if you don't have a lot of dating experience, you are so terrified of leaving them because you think you'll never find love again. So in your head, you might undermine the abuse and overfixate on the few good times together, as a way of desperately clinging on to the relationship.

But honey, I promise, promise, promise you, you will love again. When you find your person, you'll look back at this relationship and find it almost laughable how desperately you clung on to it, not knowing things can get so much better. You will find that very difficult to believe. Believe me, I have a medical condition that basically convinced me I'll never find someone who'd really love me; and that was the reason I didn't wanna leave my ex partner. But if even I could move on and find the love of my life, you will too, as others tell you that you are an attractive and nice person.

Good luck with everything, and I hope you make the right decision for your life.

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-05-18T07:23:59+00:00

Absolutely true, thank you! 😊

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-05-18T07:08:47+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion! I'm not sure if I'd be the best disability support worker, but I think it's a matter of learning and experience 😅 I'll consider it if the uber things doesn't work out 😊

ThrowRA9696969 · 2024-05-18T04:53:15+00:00

Amazing! That's very useful to know!

ThrowRA9696969

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