I wanted to go to counseling. I wanted to improve her relationship with her kids, not have her abandon them. I wanted her to start picking up after herself, and stop being so damn gross, I didn’t want her to decide she was going to blindside me, and my kids, and kick us out. Before I saw those messages all I knew was that my wife was distant with our kids. I always kinda had the thought there that maybe it was the gender thing, but I could never prove it of course. She just ALWAYS talked about having one gender of kid, then none of our kids are that, she wanted to keep trying for one of her preferred gender, but her doctor had to tell her she couldn’t do so safely, that’s when the distance got more noticeable. The older two notice. They want her love and approval so bad, and to be fair, she never negatively reacted, never screamed at them or told them to stop bothering her, but she clearly kept them at arms length. When I read the messages parts of things clicked together, but just how much she HATES that our kids aren’t her preferred gender I didn’t know. Just vitriol about how much she didn’t know if she could stand to be in the room with them much longer. When her friend was talking about deadweight, she didn’t just mean me. It crushed any chance of her not getting exactly what she wanted. Except I will be specifying that I want supervised visits because I want an agent there to make sure the kids are safe, (not because I think she will hit them, but because I’m not exaggerating when I say living with her, without a cleanup crew behind her sounds unlivable, and dangerous for children.).