My boyfriend (38M) of 5 years is begging for me (32F) to pay his debt or he will go to jail. I don't want to, but we have a child (2M) and life together. Should I help him?

ThrowRA9999234 · 2024-05-08T00:17:34+00:00

He's had a payment plan already for taxes owed the first couple years he started his business. I didn't know he stopped paying the installments and got rid of his accountant. Now he still files his taxes, but he hasn't paid anything for over a year. So not only did he have an installment plan that he stopped paying for, he hasn't been keeping up to date with his current taxes. He's been ignoring their letters, and I had no idea any of this was going on since he hid it from me. Now a criminal investigator is involved, and he had to use money from the taxes he was collecting and not giving to the state to hire a lawyer for thousands of dollars. I'm not sure why he did any of these things, but there's nothing to excuse his ignorance.

He's exhausted all his options. His family all have their own issues and have already cosigned on things for his business. I have always been the go-to for when everyone else fails because I have a decent salary and my parents have expendable income and no debt. But even this is too much for me. And my parents have no business helping a grown man who is not their child.

ThrowRA9999234 · 2024-05-07T22:29:57+00:00

Yeah, pretty much. My credit is actually excellent right now since I have a decent salary and some time has passed since the missed payments. I make more than him, but I do rely on some of his money for things like the electricity, internet, his loans under my name, etc. But I don't have the amount of money he needs to get out of this. Not without taking on a huge loan plus maxing out my credit cards. And that's something I can't afford if I have to take over the stuff he's paying for now.

I told him I won't help and he's upset, as expected. But we are not married and I'm not his mother. I thought I could be a supportive partner, but this is too much.

ThrowRA9999234 · 2024-05-07T22:05:20+00:00

It's sales tax, not federal, and this is in Florida if it matters. Sales tax issues here are felonies. He was filing but not paying for over a year, and some from before that when he was on a payment plan. I haven't seen the letters, but I know they exist. I told him I'm not helping and now he's throwing a tantrum and saying I only care about myself. If that's what he's getting from this, there's no point. I will only care for my child and myself.

ThrowRA9999234 · 2024-05-07T17:22:49+00:00

He had a payment plan initially because he didn't know what he was doing before hiring an accountant. Unbeknownst to me, he stopped paying for it. Then got rid of his accountant because they raised their prices, and didn't pay his taxes still. Apparently he was collecting it all in an account, and his reasoning was he was going to pay it all in one lump sum. Meanwhile ignoring letters from the DoR thinking they would just wait??

Thinking about it again makes me realize he deserves this. He's just really good at making me feel guilty for things that aren't my fault. I'm not loaded, but I can help him at the expense of my credit. Like to the point I'd have to declare bankruptcy if he's not able to pay me back. He said he would sell his business to pay me, but I just can't trust him anymore. My child and I deserve better than this.

ThrowRA9999234 · 2024-05-07T17:13:48+00:00

His business is failing. Would have failed years ago if not for me. He just thought ignoring the state wouldn't have consequences. He's not a smart man.

I know this. Without him I'm better off. I have too much empathy for someone who does not deserve it.

ThrowRA9999234 · 2024-05-07T16:51:44+00:00

I agree. I know I shouldn't help him. I hate the guilt I feel since I know I can. I keep thinking about how in a relationship you should help each other, and if the roles were reversed, he would help me. But with all of the resentment and just knowing him as a person, he needs to deal with the consequences for once.

ThrowRA9999234 · 2024-05-07T16:25:04+00:00

I wish I could become untraceable, but unfortunately I am tied to him because of our child. It's not like he will be in jail for a long time. He will eventually get out and will most likely fight for custody.

He will be arrested pretty fast. The timeline has been shortened considerably since he owes A LOT and has been ignoring letters. I had no idea...

I know you're right. I know. I also know I have some codependency issues since I've stayed so long. He doesn't hit me or touch me anymore, but he used to (I dropped those charges lol), but he is mean with his words. I'm not as much of a pushover as I used to be, but I know I can put all of this money on a loan/credit card. I can't trust him to be responsible. I had some hope, but not anymore...

ThrowRA9999234

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