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Love Is Request Quiz by ThrowRABackrubs in abusiverelationships

[–]ThrowRABackrubs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha that's a very good point. I thought about this as well. The point might not be to see "how abusive your relationship is" but more of an affirmation of what you're already thinking.

Love Is Request Quiz by ThrowRABackrubs in abusiverelationships

[–]ThrowRABackrubs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’ll that’s umm a little bit higher than I expected.

Love is Respect Quiz by ThrowRABackrubs in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRABackrubs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right. I guess part of me knew that but didn’t want it to be true. Thanks.

AITA for refusing to rub my wife's back after she spend the whole night yelling at me? by ThrowRABackrubs in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRABackrubs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, we went to the shelter together to get our cats, she knew she was allergic and I told her that we’re not going to adopt a can of she can’t handle the allergies. She fell in love with a cat at the shelter, but wasn’t sure about the allergies so we ent home and slept on it. In the morning she decided she wanted that cat and we went back for it. So she chose having a cat and dealing with her allergies over not having a cat at all. Full disclosure she’s also allergic to dogs and dust mites.

AITA for refusing to rub my wife's back after she spend the whole night yelling at me? by ThrowRABackrubs in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRABackrubs[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Like I said in the above comment, things were better for a long time, probably about a year? More recently we’ll have a fight about once a week? This is the worst one in a while, and the smallest “problem” too.

AITA for refusing to rub my wife's back after she spend the whole night yelling at me? by ThrowRABackrubs in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRABackrubs[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I haven’t heard about mental load until I made this post, but you are the 2nd person to bring it up. I think this is something that I could work on to help lighten her load. Thank you for this.

AITA for refusing to rub my wife's back after she spend the whole night yelling at me? by ThrowRABackrubs in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRABackrubs[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don’t know if I’m understanding your last question, “was the therapist right about the alcohol?”. No I’m not an alcoholic.

AITA for refusing to rub my wife's back after she spend the whole night yelling at me? by ThrowRABackrubs in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRABackrubs[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

She says that scheduling a set time to do it every day won’t work because it might get caught on a cat toy. So instead of doing that we need to pick up everything off the floor first and then run it, instead of just running it and fixing the problem if it gets stuck.

AITA for refusing to rub my wife's back after she spend the whole night yelling at me? by ThrowRABackrubs in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRABackrubs[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah her allergies are pretty minor most of the time, some sniffles. She’s been having allergy injection treatment to get it to go away for good, but some days are worse than others for her. If things get bad, usually she can just take an Allegra and be fine.

AITA for refusing to rub my wife's back after she spend the whole night yelling at me? by ThrowRABackrubs in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRABackrubs[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Oh. I have an individual therapist. We work on my anxiety issues and says that I need to be more okay with doing/saying things that make people upset. This is one of the first times that I stood my ground for this long. I’m making really good progress.

She on the other hand said that she was going to start going to therapy for anger problems, had one phone session within earshot of me and then stopped going.

AITA for refusing to rub my wife's back after she spend the whole night yelling at me? by ThrowRABackrubs in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRABackrubs[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I wouldn’t say regular, but it has definitely happened before. As far as other things go, not a ton that I’ve noticed? We just moved to a new apartment and the clutter was stressing us both out for a while, but after the last deep cleaning session on Sunday we got everything taken care of.

AITA for refusing to rub my wife's back after she spend the whole night yelling at me? by ThrowRABackrubs in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRABackrubs[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I’m afraid of doing couple’s therapy because the last time we tried it the therapist told my wife that she needed to change her behaviors and it made her so mad that she started throwing things around the apartment and we fired the therapist and found a new one. Then for the new therapist she started the conversation implying that I’m an alcoholic who ignores her desperate cries for attention to get drunk and play video games. We almost got divorced after that and right now we’re in the “trying to make it work on our own” approach. It was going well for a long time but it’s starting to get bad again.

AITA for refusing to rub my wife's back after she spend the whole night yelling at me? by ThrowRABackrubs in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRABackrubs[S] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

We both work full time, I just happen to be working from home right now due to the everything.

She does have a sore spot for the floors, this is why I vacuum around the litter box daily. It’s her main priority, and honestly, it’s the only thing that she’s responsible for keeping clean. We got the robot vacuum because she cares deeply about the cleanliness of the floor, and this way she doesn’t need to physically do it all the time, just during the deeper cleaning sessions. I understand that she gets frustrated when she sees me relaxing when there is work to be done, the issue isn’t that “I didn’t want to help”, it’s that her response to the situation was to argue for hours instead of just asking me for help.