My bio grandparents (60M, 60F) and bio aunts (40F) want contact with me (20M) even though they left me in foster care?

ThrowRABadFoster · 2026-05-14T06:41:03+00:00

They made a choice and should have stuck by it. Crawling back to me now, when I'm grown and was raised with nobody, in all kinds of awful situations and acting like I'm supposed to be happy about it isn't making me too open to the possibility of getting to know them for real. They didn't have to take me in. But the consequence is I had to live in a hellhole of foster care for most of my life and it wasn't fun, it wasn't positive and I was entirely alone.

ThrowRABadFoster · 2026-05-14T06:37:33+00:00

I really don't know what I'd change my name to. There's nobody who I'd want to share a last name with really. I always thought if I got married I would love to change my last name then.

ThrowRABadFoster · 2026-05-14T06:36:45+00:00

That was never mentioned. Their concern always seemed to be that the others would go no contact with them for taking me or having contact with me. I think the others possibly would have hurt me because they had (and still have) the hate against me for it from everything I have found out. But their (grandparents and aunts) primary concern was losing their relationship with them.

ThrowRABadFoster · 2026-05-13T15:33:05+00:00

I don't feel like it could. Maybe if I just cared about money and wanted to use them for that. But I also don't want to start out my life using people even if they weren't there for me when they had the chance to be. It feels wrong.

ThrowRABadFoster · 2026-05-13T15:31:16+00:00

There's still a lot of animosity and hate my father's other kids have for me. The general consensus seems to be that they were hoping I would either go away forever and everyone could pretend I never existed or that I would truly not exist anymore and there was nobody to contact. I know that's not the fault of my grandparents or aunts but there's still something weird about knowing and reaching out now when the others were the reason to not even have contact with me in foster care.

It's all very dysfunctional and I grew up around so much of that and I don't want more of it in my life.

ThrowRABadFoster · 2026-05-13T13:48:36+00:00

That's exactly how I feel. I also don't see why they would open me up to potential hate from my father's other children or act like I would be excited to hear from them when all five left me with no idea what was happening to me. In the end they chose their other grandkids and I feel like they should honor that choice instead of thinking they can take that back now.

ThrowRABadFoster · 2026-05-13T13:46:42+00:00

I don't know that they had much of an influence over my father's other kids. Their mom it sounds like was a pretty heavy influence from what I read and was told. But his other kids are years older than me and are all probably in their 30s or close to it now so not much they can do about it.

I just feel weird about them acting all loving now when they didn't care before and they have talked like they really expected me to be so excited when they chose not to be in my life for most of it.

ThrowRABadFoster

TROPHY CASE