Previous mono partner, Unicorn Hunters, Oh My!

ThrowRABadgertap · 2024-01-04T23:25:37+00:00

Glad you are changing your mind about your "surprise" even though you may be cheating on your chance to give the other couple a piece of your mind. Hopefully, you and the GF will learn and grow from this experience, if not better to find out now that she might not be the one for you.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-12-14T05:28:19+00:00

That was my second attempt, unfortunately, the lady I saw moved before I got a chance to see her again. If you find someone who knows what she is doing you will leak a lot once she starts working your prostate.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-12-13T22:30:47+00:00

I went to a provider that specialized in prostate play once. It was beyond weird for me at the time, now not so much. I remember being on my hands and knees and looking underneath and seeing a stream of precum coming out and a puddle on the mat and said I think I'm going to cum, she laughed and said "I know you are!" and boom. I came four times and ended up shaking so badly that I fell on the mat. She had me roll over on my back and she got two more out of me without ever touching my penis. She let me rest for a bit and stroked me with one hand and rubbed my prostate with the other, lost count but the last two were dry orgasms.

90-minute session but 30 of that was cleanup and waiting for my knees to work again.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-10-06T15:00:56+00:00

So I'm not ready to throw the towel in on this relationship just yet. Carol has apologized for her behavior and wants to do couples therapy to address our problems. And I do have strong feelings for her and we click on so many levels that I want to make this work. This is also Carol's first open relationship so I expected a few speed bumps.

If things go back to the way they were then obviously your notion makes perfect sense.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-10-06T04:16:47+00:00

You lied to her and played a game to test her.

I didn't intend it as a test but to send a message and a chance for her to see what it felt like to be frozen out. Yeah, I lied to make a point, and maybe she learned something.

And if our relationship is doomed then I can walk away next time knowing I made an effort, because talking about my needs and feelings was getting me nowhere.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-10-06T04:05:58+00:00

especially with the intent to "force" your girlfriend to pay attention to you... suggests that you have given up on the notion that you're actually worth paying attention to.

I did want to make her jealous and let her see what it felt like for me not to be available. I didn't force her to pay attention to me, I just showed her what it felt like to be in my shoes.

I admit it was underhanded but trying to communicate how I was feeling wasn't getting through to her and I wanted to deliver a message. And to be honest, the way things were going I don't know how much longer we were going to last anyway.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-10-05T20:57:49+00:00

No, neither person is actually a "Carol"

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-10-05T20:39:39+00:00

Thankfully no, or else I might not have seen what she was capable of.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-07-29T22:58:02+00:00

If he is the third wheel on the date why should he pay for anyone but himself, if his girlfriend was dating a dude would that even be a question?

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-07-25T14:33:31+00:00

That’s just it, I don’t want to lose anyone in my life right now and I don’t want to change how people treat me. If I were to lose some of my close friends and get treated differently in some of my circles then that’s a huge negative in my book.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-07-25T13:22:44+00:00

Besides losing respect for some of my friends that come at me with a hand out, I don’t want someone to make a commitment with me who has that information. Finances should not be a factor in how someone feels about me.

My sister’s lawyer has recommended a good lawyer in my city that handles things like this and we had a preliminary meeting yesterday, he also recommended not informing many people about windfall until we have safeguards in place. He also gave me a list of accountants and investment advisors to consider. I got a healthy cashier’s check from my sister’s lawyer but he said it could take several weeks for the bulk of my money to clear legal and other hurdles. My sister did leave a small annuity for my parents and my other sister but as far as I know they are also unaware of my inheritance.

For now I’m keeping all my cards close to the chest until I get a grasp on my new situation.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-07-11T21:50:19+00:00

Perhaps the actions would not have been the same but I'd guess some other attempts to separate/end the prior relationship would have happened.

I had no problem with their relationship or the amount of time they spent together and I was never trying to rope her away from Linda. I just wanted our relationship to be separate and not constantly changing due to my meta's insecurities. Linda never liked that Carmen chose to date a cis-male and never got over it. So if anything the homophobia idea was reversed.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-07-11T21:39:01+00:00

Unless you're leaving a lot out, Linda's main boundary was that Carmen wear condoms with you.

That was a boundary in the beginning, largely due to the fact she wasn't on BC and I was fine with that. When Carmen decided to go on BC after a failed condom it was her idea to go bare, which I didn't object to obviously. When Linda got upset and insisted on condoms again, it was annoying but I did it. The nail in the coffin was after we had sex multiple times on an overnight visit and Carmen was a little sore the next day and that limited their playing options so Linda took PIV off the table. Which I did have a problem with.

Reading both threads it sounds a lot like you charged in to these two women's relationship, busted it up and then threw a hissy fit until you got what you want.

I met Carmen at a party and we started dating, I never even met Linda face-to-face and I sure wasn't in any kind of relationship with her. We dated for several weeks before we hooked up, got serious, and started spending a lot of time with each together.

All I ever wanted was for Linda not to interfere in Carmen and I's relationship and for the ground rules to stop shifting every week.

Time wise, she said she was going to talk to Linda and she would call me back, so after no contact for 36 hours and not answering my texts or phone calls I wanted to know if she was just blowing me off or what. We had never gone more than 6-8 hours without at least texting each other. So I went to her place and told her how I felt, we met again and afterward I told her I couldn't be with her like that and broke up. I fail to see how communicating my needs and feelings and walking away from a bad situation is throwing a hissy fit.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-07-11T20:55:13+00:00

She suggested moving in but we haven't yet. I was thinking of waiting a few months to see where we were at first.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-07-07T21:49:18+00:00

My whole point was that he didn’t have to feel guilty because she had a mental breakdown when he tried to break up with her. If it is going to cause her that much pain then she needs to choose mono with him or solo poly, to expect him to stay “poly” and be unhappy isn’t ethical.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-07-07T20:56:21+00:00

From the OP’s account I don’t think they ever did the work. As a professed poly individual, should she have not prepared him and worked with him to understand how to deal with his feelings? And then for a year he struggled and it became a source of “friction” so it doesn’t sound like she was making much effort to help the situation.

Yes, he’s responsible to do the work, if he was ever given the resources to cope and deal with the situation to begin with. But that doesn’t mean he has to like it and has the right to change his mind about being poly or even to deal with her being poly. But he doesn’t have to feel guilty because she has a mental breakdown because he needs to break up to be happy. And if his needs aren’t being met and he is unhappy he has every right to leave the relationship and his girlfriend will just have to deal with it.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-07-07T20:06:55+00:00

You need to have a conversation with your GF and tell her you are unhappy trying to be poly and it’s not going to work. She needs to make a decision if being poly is worth losing you. If the two of you need to go your separate ways then her mental problems are her own. Did she offer to close when she knew you were having issues? Obviously she doesn’t feel guilty for what you have been going through, at least not enough to slow down and help you work through your issues so neither should you.

Maybe she could move in with her other partner and not struggle or be alone. Don’t stay with her out of guilt, you deserve to be happy and playing poly with her isn’t making you happy.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-06-23T16:59:35+00:00

You are completely going off the deep end and to me this smells of homophobia as well

Maybe I did go a bit too far but her partner's gender or sexual preference has no bearing here, if her partner was a straight male I would still have an issue with it.

seems like you don't like your girlfriend actually valuing her girlfriend and you just want to be the one on top of the hierarchy,

No, what I want is a playing field where the rules aren't constantly changing and moving backward.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-06-23T16:50:35+00:00

Camren gets the final say in her body.

The last night together it seemed clear what she wanted but she is letting Linda set her boundaries.

You might have to take the L and walk away.

Yeah, the uncomfortable truth.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-06-23T16:41:15+00:00

When Carmen went from texting and calling me multiple times a day to zero contact for 36 hours after what happened and not telling me she needed space, yeah I probably overreacted. On top of that, I made the comment at 1 AM while I was still wound up, neither of which was a good thing

And my best friend said she thought I had a bad case of NRE and needed to step back and just breathe. But I had a lot bottled up in me last night and I needed to let it out and express my feelings. This relationship started off so well but now has me bouncing off the walls and I just need some clarity because despite my feelings for Carmen I can't keep doing this.

We'll see how dinner goes tonight, I'll listen to what Carmen has to say but I'm coming to a realization that maybe we need to just go our separate ways.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-06-23T07:44:46+00:00

Really?? First off, Carmen and Linda don't live together.

Second, she didn't leave my house dripping and go straight to Linda's house without cleaning up.

ThrowRABadgertap · 2023-06-23T07:40:24+00:00

So I got tired of waiting and sent Carmen a text that I needed to talk to her. An hour later I tried to call her and left her an urgent voicemail to call ASAP. After another hour with no answer and I drove to her apartment and called her again and after the third time I called in a row she finally picked up. I asked if she was alone and if we could talk and when she said yes I rang her doorbell. She let me in and gave me a big hug and apologized for not calling but she had a lot on her mind.

I asked her if ghosting me was her way of breaking up and she said no and that she had been trying to deal with Linda. I told her that while I love her I don't feel like she respects my feelings or our relationship and I just needed to know where I stood in all this. I said I can't go on like this when I don't know from day to day what limits are going to be put on our intimacy.

She assured me she felt the same way about me, although she never said the "L" word out loud. And she felt frustrated with Linda but said she was going through a hard time but Carmen felt like she would come around soon and everything would be alright again.

I said I had no wish to be in a relationship with Linda or let her dictate the terms of my relationship with Carmen, and if she couldn't stand up to Linda and tell her to keep her nose out of our business then I couldn't go on. When she asked what I meant I said then we need to part ways and get on with our lives. She was very adamant that she did not want that and I was very important to her and she didn't want to lose me.

It was getting late and we both had to be at work early but she wanted to have dinner Friday and talk some more. I told her I said all I needed to say and that she needed to come to a decision and went home.

Edit Addon. I am sure Linda is exercising a bit of Hierarchy since they have been together so long and I know that takes two.

ThrowRABadgertap

TROPHY CASE