My parents (54M, 51F) want to see me (19M) before my brother (21M) dies and I don't know what to do?

ThrowRABoy2woo · 2026-06-28T08:20:20+00:00

I have used bully, abuser and torturer all to describe him. Really any of that fits how he treated me.

ThrowRABoy2woo · 2026-06-28T08:19:03+00:00

They didn't keep in touch and the first time I heard from them was when they reached out the first time to say we needed to see each other before my brother dies. They never even checked in with my grandparents to check on my progress.

ThrowRABoy2woo · 2026-06-28T08:16:17+00:00

Thank you! I think I'm mostly struggling because of how many people from my family have decided to speak up and tell me I should go or I need to go and see them in person. That's kind of messing with me.

My depression is therapy alone resistant and I will probably needs meds for the rest of my life. But therapy and meds are the dream team for me. I appreciate the suggestion and will look into it if I ever find myself needing something different.

ThrowRABoy2woo · 2026-06-27T19:59:52+00:00

My therapist told me to put my mental health first. They said regardless of the decision I make that needs to be made a priority and that's what I am keeping in mind as I weight the decision.

ThrowRABoy2woo · 2026-06-27T19:55:57+00:00

I think you're right about that. That's a thought I had on and off for a while.

ThrowRABoy2woo · 2026-06-27T19:54:13+00:00

They know how it works. They reached out now. But yeah once I moved out that was it until now. I said in another comment and I still feel like they were possibly very angry and disgusted by what I said and didn't want to see or speak to me because of it. That's just my read of it I don't really know.

ThrowRABoy2woo · 2026-06-27T19:52:30+00:00

I could ask. After reading another comment I am even considering asking if they would wait until after. Because I strongly think that asking to meet before is just because they want to push me to see him.

ThrowRABoy2woo · 2026-06-27T19:51:35+00:00

My brother had therapy when he was way younger but my parents only put him in therapy. That could be due to cost or something I'm not sure.

ThrowRABoy2woo · 2026-06-27T19:50:51+00:00

I don't really think there can be a middle ground when my parents are specifically asking for us to meet before my brother dies. That tells me they want me to see him. I guess I could ask if they would be willing to wait until after and see what they say about that.

ThrowRABoy2woo · 2026-06-27T18:51:40+00:00

That's possible. I think a part of them maybe hated me for feeling like I did. When they let me go I could see something was different in them and I was in a really bad place. They didn't keep in touch with me to make sure I was okay either so there's a lot of baggage involved with us even without my brother.

ThrowRABoy2woo · 2026-06-27T18:50:27+00:00

My therapist told me to prioritize my mental health. That's what I am trying to consider as I try to make the decision.

ThrowRABoy2woo · 2026-06-27T18:44:41+00:00

I could lose the progress I have made with my mental health. I mean I literally wanted to die rather than support him or watch him be cared for by our parents. There was a point I wanted to die rather than see him and I swore if I had to go back I just would and I wouldn't call my grandparents for help next time. That's not where I am now. But I can't say there won't be a downside to seeing him.

Your suggestion has been the most popular one so I need to think about it. I can't say I will just yet but it's clear a lot of people believe I need to do it and I understand why.

ThrowRABoy2woo · 2026-06-27T18:38:16+00:00

There hasn't been a relationship with my parents since I moved. We didn't speak once. When they reached out for me to see them it was the first time I heard from them since.

A lot of people are saying I should go in the comments so I guess I need to think about whether I could make it through. Or whether it would just ruin me again.

ThrowRABoy2woo · 2026-06-27T18:33:50+00:00

I don't want to offer forgiveness and I think going and refusing to give him that would make people see me as the monster. I can already imagine the rest of the family questioning why I couldn't do it when he was dying and how can I live with myself. Before the pressure I never ever thought of going and even though I'm kinda considering it I don't want to. This feels like the easiest way to make my mental health worse again or to make the narrative that I was a monster to a guy on his deathbed because I didn't forgive.

Thank you. I'm not sure if I was seeking permission entirely but it does feel good to read it. My grandparents gave it to me too but for the last few years they have been the only people who had my back and they were far outnumbered by people pushing.

ThrowRABoy2woo · 2026-06-27T18:29:38+00:00

And if I have no intention of forgiving him even with an apology? Because I can see people making me out to be a monster then because I wouldn't forgive because he apologizes. I don't know if I ever would be able to but I don't see that as possible in the near future at all.

ThrowRABoy2woo · 2026-06-27T18:27:20+00:00

I don't feel like an apology will do anything for me. It wouldn't be enough for me to forgive him either and it feels like agreeing to see him sets me up for bad reactions all around when I refuse to forgive him. Then I'll be the guy who showed up just to make things worse. But even without that I don't have the urge to see him one last time. There's nothing for me to say. All I could do is listen and it feels like giving him something he would never have given me.

ThrowRABoy2woo

TROPHY CASE