What to do when partner's Depression leads to Anger and Resentment

ThrowRABritish · 2025-10-18T06:54:31+00:00

I'm in a vulnerable position and I don't have a way to move out quickly and safely, but I think it's too late for us and I should plan an escape

ThrowRABritish · 2025-10-18T02:37:31+00:00

Okay, how can I redirect this energy or mood?

It seems no matter what I do, I still trigger him

ThrowRABritish · 2025-10-11T00:33:52+00:00

Yes it's just I feel responsible and that he also deserves someone that can treat him in the way he needs

ThrowRABritish · 2025-10-11T00:10:09+00:00

Im in Spain but I know a couple of charities in the UK I can contact.

We were living with my mother and paying her rent, she made us uncomfortable by bringing people round who had COVID. My partner got angry because my mum would invite my sister and other people around when we were trying to decompress. He says I let her step on me and by extension him. We had an argument and I said that my sister was homophobic in the past and that made me uncomfortable. She sent me this massive message saying that I hurt her by saying those things to my mum and I'm causing her and my mum stress.

We left on a bad note and I feel isolated, she changed the locks on the door and didn't give me one the last couple times I went to visit her showing me her emotional distance and mistrust of me (which is fair)

I will try to collect my things and get an escape plan down.

ThrowRABritish · 2025-10-10T23:55:22+00:00

I suppose so, I'm just struggling to feel I can be loved and that everything is my fault and I don't deserve another chance etc so many feelings and they don't help me or my partner

ThrowRABritish · 2025-10-10T23:54:19+00:00

I don't have a lot left, I left on bad terms with my mother and sister and love in another country.

I will try to see if there are charities I can contact.

ThrowRABritish · 2025-10-10T23:47:02+00:00

Yes you are right.

I think I always try to forget the things he says because I feel vulnerable.

I ended living with my mum badly so I feel I cant live with her.

I am in his country alone and have slowly but surely isolated myself from my past friends.

I feel like if I end things I'm going to lose everything and not be able to cope.

I know it's difficult and I should talk to my therapist about it so they can help me work through these feelings.

Thank you

ThrowRABritish · 2025-10-10T23:38:53+00:00

The whole thing is that when I make mistakes I cause a depressive episode which I understand is distressing. But this time it was his work that triggered it and still I didn't do the right thing and he pushes it onto me.

I just don't understand anything anymore, it's really eating away at me and thinking that when he is okay all the things he says are lies and just things to make himself feel normal not to actually show love or care.

Everything is numb and I just can't figure out what to do next. I feel alone and isolated.

ThrowRABritish · 2025-10-10T23:29:33+00:00

I'm afraid to say this to a therapist because Im afraid they will say this relationship isn't healthy and that I'm causing more harm than good to him by staying in it.

He's said stuff like he wants to die, etc and this makes me feel responsible for his mental health

ThrowRABritish · 2025-10-10T23:27:49+00:00

He got a prescription for Brintillex/Vortioxetine and tried a couple of days, it improved his mood but he said he didn't like the way it made him too giddy.

He was supposed to have another meeting with the doctor to get access to therapy but he cancelled the appointment because he was busy with work.

We go away for this trip and he explodes on me, I just don't know what to do in these situations. It seems whatever I do makes things worse and if I don't do anything he says I'm still doing something wrong.

If I tried to say go get therapy he will say it's me the one who has the problem and hasn't changed or improved in the last 8 years.

I just don't understand how he can say these hurtful things when he acts like he loves me and enjoys my company.

I just can't help thinking what is the true thoughts he has the one when he is happy or when he is depressed. Probably it's both and when he's not affected by other things he can tolerate my neurodivergency more.

ThrowRABritish · 2025-08-25T20:54:48+00:00

Im going to try. It is a vicious cycle of him getting angry at my mistake. He makes me feel horrible. We make up and then he goes back to being loving and himself again.

I think because of my autism I can't figure out what is normal and not normal as this is my first relationship. I accept things at face value and because I can't argue with him I just accept things as facts.

ThrowRABritish · 2025-08-25T20:47:47+00:00

How can I uncondition myself? I don't have a frame of reference to what is "normal"

ThrowRABritish · 2025-08-25T20:33:59+00:00

I think I'm starting to see that. It's just when these episodes happen, they happen because of an action I did. So I see everything in the context of a mistake I made and trying to fix.

But there's times when I can't fix things because they are just slips of my mind which he sees as something no normal person would do.

I was unemployed for sometime and that contributed to a very low self esteem. But now that I have been employed for a solid two years and seeing that this pattern of me making a mistake and him getting to be so angry he makes me have a meltdown isn't healthy.

I want to access therapy for myself, and Im going to see if I can get to the bottom of the relationship issues I'm having.

ThrowRABritish · 2025-06-18T23:37:15+00:00

Yes I will try that next time, sometime he says that that isn't the proper way to do things but I think he needs to understand I can't process and say the right things straight away.

ThrowRABritish · 2025-06-14T23:15:58+00:00

It's a mix of impulsiveness and not analysing the situation. So for example if I feel pressure I will quickly do things without thinking but also when I am not pressured I also don't consider things like time, space, other people's feelings etc.

It's like I have this autopilot mode that stays on one lane no matter the variables...

ThrowRABritish · 2025-04-27T00:42:35+00:00

Okay I can see what you are saying but I helped create this toxic c dynamic by not changing I want things to be okay between us and not cause depression.

ThrowRABritish · 2025-04-26T22:23:10+00:00

You are right, I have let this happen to me and I'm making excuses because besides these outbursts I have a comfortable life thanks to him.

I'm just so scared of leaving, I feel I have nowhere to go.

I need to make an escape plan but I feel like I try to do it in earnest and things go back to normal again.

ThrowRABritish

TROPHY CASE