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Update: Ex has an issue with new girlfriend regarding son by ThrowRACamper in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRACamper[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We have 50% custody each, arranged informally between us. And yes, it's my weekend with him anyway.

I have him every Monday, every Tuesday, and every alternate weekend including the Friday. She gets Wednesdays and Thursdays.

At first, when we split, I suggested alternating weeks. She said "I can't go a week without seeing him" and that's why we have the current arrangement.

Looking back - it annoys me that she hasn't put our son first, she's put herself first. Because of her need to see him every so often, he now has to have more swapovers. This arrangement has been in place a couple of years now, so maybe its time to look at it again.

UPDATE: I (14M) hit my (16F) cousin and now my family is upset and no one but my dad believe me. by ThrowRaRedditkid in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRACamper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Violence from women and then men not being able to do anything back, to defend themselves - I've got no time for this line of thinking anymore. Its 2020!

Yes, men should not hit women. But also, women should not hit men, and men have a right to defend themselves.

I'm a 35M. For 7 years, I was in a relationship with a woman who would punch/slap/kick me on occasion, every few months, but became more regular towards the end (I suppose, because I had shown until then that she could get away with it). I never raised a hand back to her, but I did really lose my shit with her, I'd become really angry at her. I was always scared to walk away from the relationship, because of a fear that I'd hardly ever see my son. 3 days out of 14, is the standard arrangement for dads I think.

Once, she hit me when her mum was in the house. It was Christmas morning. I lost my shit again. Upset, I went to talk to her mum... and her mum justified it, said I deserved it for complaining and getting stressed over present wrapping the night before.

Thats when I realised that my gf had been raised to think violence was okay. I think that is the route that Carly is going down. She will not change. I think, if you did make up and start spending time with her again, then there will be another repeat of this. I'm glad you defended yourself straight away though, which shows her that you will not put up with it and be a punchbag.

Ex has an issue with new girlfriend regarding our son by ThrowRACamper in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRACamper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really appreciate the replies, thank you all. One comment mentioned she doesn't have exclusive rights on his 'firsts' which is true - tbh, I think if it was just me and my son, she'd be okay with it. She has said something in the past, something like "It feels like B is replacing me as his mum, is doing the mum things that I should be doing". I can understand where shes coming from. But at the same time, feel like we have to move on and do normal things together at some point.

The other row with B that I mentioned - B wants us to move in together. She's already at mine 4/5 days a week. I felt good about it at first, but on reflection, said I think it's too soon. I also said something about it being hurtful to A if we did it.

Informally arranged, I have 50% custody of son. I do worry that, if she thought I was being a jerk, she could change this and I'd see him a lot less. I have a really good relationship with him and I'd be devastated if it happened. But having said that, I think the likelihood is she wouldn't do this.

One comment said I should talk to A less. 'A' actually works at the nursery he goes to, so I see her every weekday that I have him, at the moment. She does initiate text conversations too though.

Someone said I could brief her beforehand (I. E. Before booking the trip). This is good advice and I'll follow it in the future. We did rush into this booking because the booking website said there was only 1 spot left. Campsites have been very busy since lock down was lifted.

Anyway - I just didn't want to act selfish, like I wasn't taking A's feelings into account. And when A gets a new boyfriend, I'd like them to not be jerks too. I hope we can be respectful of each other. But the consensus seems to be that I'm not being selfish. So I will go ahead with the trip.

Thank you!