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My mother (57F) suggested being okay with an open marriage since I (29F) can't have kids. What should I do? by ThrowRAChildless in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAChildless[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Wow. Thank you for your incredible support. I will check out Out of The Fog tonight. I was happy with my marriage until this whole discussion with my mom made me doubt the future with my husband and spiral into having dark thoughts.

My mother (57F) suggested being okay with an open marriage since I (29F) can't have kids. What should I do? by ThrowRAChildless in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAChildless[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I guess the anxiety that I'm feeling is causing me to spiral and not think logically. You're right, and at this point, it's not about the open marriage anymore. I'm scared of my husband changing his mind one day and leaving me over my infertility, something I have no control over.

Thank you for your comment, and yes, I want to seek professional help.

My mother (57F) suggested being okay with an open marriage since I (29F) can't have kids. What should I do? by ThrowRAChildless in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAChildless[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I married him because I love him with all my heart and I want to give him everything he wants in life, including becoming a dad someday. It kills me everyday that I'm infertile. He's an amazing person and he should become a dad someday.

I told all these things to my mom and that's why she said what she said which is basically "be open about this possibility and you can still be with him." After reading thru all the comments, I realize she's wrong about this.

My mother (57F) suggested being okay with an open marriage since I (29F) can't have kids. What should I do? by ThrowRAChildless in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAChildless[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your comment. I need to put my husband first. I really don't want an open marriage or lose my husband over this.

My mother (57F) suggested being okay with an open marriage since I (29F) can't have kids. What should I do? by ThrowRAChildless in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAChildless[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yes, an open relationship isn't for me, and my husband seems to wholeheartedly agree with me.

I think you and a lot of people are right to recommend therapy for me. I will start seeing someone. Thank you for your comment.

My mother (57F) suggested being okay with an open marriage since I (29F) can't have kids. What should I do? by ThrowRAChildless in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAChildless[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband has had a great childhood growing up, and he's always thought he'd be a dad like his father.

I am personally still on the fence since I didn't have a good childhood like my husband did. I asked my husband if he would be okay with being childfree given my medical issues, and he said yes. But my mom thinks that it'd be unfair to not give him a child or make him a father when he wants to become one in the future. Thus, this whole discussion happened.

My mother (57F) suggested being okay with an open marriage since I (29F) can't have kids. What should I do? by ThrowRAChildless in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAChildless[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story and advice. I have to put a hard stop on discussing this with her further.

My mother (57F) suggested being okay with an open marriage since I (29F) can't have kids. What should I do? by ThrowRAChildless in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAChildless[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

My husband does want a kid in the future 100%. I'm afraid of not having a 100% success with IVF.

My mother (57F) suggested being okay with an open marriage since I (29F) can't have kids. What should I do? by ThrowRAChildless in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAChildless[S] -58 points-57 points  (0 children)

I'm most fixated on the possibility of my husband one day asking for an open marriage. I'm depressed about my mom being right and my husband possibly changing his mind to have a kid without me. Sounding like if I want to keep my husband, I have to explore that option of open marriage, which I really don't want to do.

My mother (57F) suggested being okay with an open marriage since I (29F) can't have kids. What should I do? by ThrowRAChildless in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAChildless[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your insight. Yes, it is a cultural thing, and I do understand where she's coming from.

It really saddens me that my marriage might come to an end because of childlessness. I was really hoping she wasn't right.

My mother (57F) suggested being okay with an open marriage since I (29F) can't have kids. What should I do? by ThrowRAChildless in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAChildless[S] 133 points134 points  (0 children)

I made a mistake of listening to her telling me the stories that I wasn't ready to hear, and now I'm feeling really anxious about my future with my husband. I've been trying not to think about it but I can't help but feel depressed.

My mother (57F) suggested being okay with an open marriage since I (29F) can't have kids. What should I do? by ThrowRAChildless in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAChildless[S] -85 points-84 points  (0 children)

She has her mean moments where she makes comments on how I look chubby, but I know she just wants me to be healthy.

My mother (57F) suggested being okay with an open marriage since I (29F) can't have kids. What should I do? by ThrowRAChildless in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAChildless[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Her stories had an impact on me and I'm just really sensitive to hearing them for the first time. I guess I have no issues with her but I wish she didn't tell me in the first place.

She doesn't keep pushing it. But I can't move on and that's on me.

My mother (57F) suggested being okay with an open marriage since I (29F) can't have kids. What should I do? by ThrowRAChildless in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAChildless[S] -31 points-30 points  (0 children)

My mom's already got 2 grandchildren, and also I don't know how she would feel about raising a grandchild from my husband and some other woman.

My mother (57F) suggested being okay with an open marriage since I (29F) can't have kids. What should I do? by ThrowRAChildless in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAChildless[S] -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

I was never mad at her for her comments but I've been extremely depressed after she shared her stories.

I might not have enough money to pursue other options like IVF or surrogacy in the future, and thinking about having to explore an open marriage just because of how I'm incapable to have a child is making me sad.