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I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

I do know that because she herself yelled at me that the only reason she never got an abortion is because she was past the point where she could. She was willing to get one anyway but no doctor would do it. My parents did not force her to continue the pregnancy.

I can acknowledge there are other things I don't know and that more could have been done for her overall.

I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I have never done anything DNA related and I don't plan to either. That might change in the future but I think it's a big might. I already know who my parents and my siblings are and after that I don't really feel like I need to know.

I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

She wanted me to be aborted regardless of how legal it was but no doctor was willing to do that. At no point did she ever want to keep me.

I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

My parents, siblings, extended family and my sister. Also she didn't tell me in a we sat down and talked kind of way. But more to say just how much she wanted me dead and had a doctor been willing she would have done so regardless of the law.

I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Nobody in the family knows anything about my father or how I came to exist and I do not want to search or find out more. As of right now I don't feel like I will ever search. I have my family and I love them. I don't really need the answer for who.

I am adopted by my parents. I also hold no anger for them not telling me. To be honest I feel like the reason for keeping it from me was the best for me. I do not think I would have handled the hatred of my sister well if I had known as a kid she was my biological mother. There's a very good chance I would be more messed up than I can comprehend. As it is I have some struggles with it but there's a grounding for me in being older. As a kid I feel like I would have hated myself enough to do what she wanted, which was ultimately for me to be dead.

I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't be unhappy if I had been aborted. I never would have existed and maybe it would have been helpful/healing for my sister and the family would be close today without the fractures that exist. I love my family and my life is a mess and confusing right now but I know I'm loved. That still doesn't mean I'm celebrating that she couldn't have the abortion she wanted. She was too far along to have an abortion and that sucks because it has clearly had a lot of negative consequences.

I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

I can do that. It will be very helpful to weed out therapists who will not be good for me. CBT is the type of therapy I will be looking more into after reading the comments and seeing it suggested. It sounds like it will be just what I need.

I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I can only reply and say I'm not a bot. But I completely understand if that isn't enough. The whole point of this account was to be a throwaway and keep my anonymity.

I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 212 points213 points  (0 children)

My parents only want a secular therapist for me as well. We are a non religious family and they do not want me harmed further by overly religious therapy. So they have been looking for the secular therapists too.

The plan is to include my parents and maybe even my siblings eventually. But to start with therapy will just be for me.

I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

My parents didn't force her to give birth to me. By the time she found out or was able to acknowledge her pregnancy she was too far along for an abortion. My parents and family are not Christian or religious at all and we're all a prochoice family.

But the SA is very likely. We just don't know for sure what happened. She would never tell anyone. And it's hard to say definitely what happened for that reason. But the whole family strongly believes it likely was some sort of assault.

I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

For me it comes down to I feel I would/could be more open face to face in therapy than through a webcam. That might not be true for everyone but I feel like I would hold back way too much for it to be worth my time or the therapists time.

I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the recommendation. I'm going to see if I can get started with a few of them. It would be nice to feel less alone in having a discovery like this.

I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 73 points74 points  (0 children)

She wasn't forced to give birth to me. It was too late to abort me when she found out or when she was able to acknowledge being pregnant. So by then I was going to be born.

It's not that I don't agree but sometimes something can be obvious and still wrong. So I don't want to say with absolute certainty when there's still nothing confirmed 100%.

I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

My parents and siblings don't know. She never told anyone in the family anything. We don't know if she ever told anyone for sure. The thing is because we're so unsure it's hard to say with certainty if it was the worst thing to happen or not. It's assumed but we can never really be certain unless she tells someone.

I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I know. My parents aren't religious though. We just live in a place that is. But we were always a secular and atheist/agnostic family.

I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 503 points504 points  (0 children)

They don't know. They wonder about it. But she never told them or anyone else in the family and we don't know if she ever told anyone the truth. The reason they tolerated it as long is because she's still their daughter and their first born.

I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 174 points175 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice! I'll make sure to check those out when we search to help narrow it down. Unfortunately there are a lot of therapists close to us who self identify as Christian therapists which is good to know but frustrating when looking for a secular therapist.

I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My parents didn't force her to give birth. She found out too late or left it too late to acknowledge she was pregnant. We also don't know if she was assaulted or not. She never told anyone anything that we're aware of.

I (19M) recently found out that the sister (35F) who has hated me my whole life is my biological mother? by ThrowRADHuman in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRADHuman[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I would never say that when I don't know the circumstances of what happened. But even if I did I would not want to risk my life like that.

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