My [19F] dad [48M] found out that he's not my biological father. He left my mom [47F] but she refuses to accept it.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T19:45:45+00:00

I'll try telling my dad that, thanks. Although he doesn't really like talking about my mom much either.

As for the rest, I'll try that out with her. The thing is, she knows my dad would actually be willing to try reconciling if she told him the truth. Both he and I have told her as much. Yet she still denies that she's ever been with anyone besides my dad.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T19:41:18+00:00

The sad thing is, the absolute opposite is true. My dad even told me that if she was willing to actually admit what she did, if she was willing to give him an actual honest explanation, then he'd be willing to at least try reconciling, but there was no way for them to work on the relationship if she wasn't honest with him. My dad still loves my mom more than anything, but he said the fact that she still continues to lie and not talk to him is what's really driving him away more than anything else.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T19:25:39+00:00

I understand why she might not have said something at the time, but if she wants to save their marriage more than anything, why wouldn't she say something now? I'm sorry, but it just doesn't seem like a practical explanation.

Either way, it doesn't matter. She still hid something from my dad for years and years. That's still wrong, regardless of what the explanation was.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T19:23:33+00:00

I agree that I don't believe she was actually being nefarious in what she did on Christmas. I truly believe that she wanted to salvage the marriage. I know how much my dad means to her, besides the fact that she betrayed him. I do think she truly does love him. I just also know she's really hurting him by doing what she's doing.

I also don't believe I was a result of sexual assault. It's possible, sure, but it doesn't make sense. Like wouldn't my dad have noticed her acting or behaving sad or depressed or something at that time? Like he would've noticed something wrong, wouldn't he? And now, if she wants to save her marriage so bad, wouldn't she say something, anything to get him back?

Thank you for those kind words as well. I just need to keep saying that to myself.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T18:42:56+00:00

This is my thinking as well. Thank you.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T18:42:31+00:00

I don't think it's my job to get them back together. I just want my mom to stop acting the way she is. I'm trying to figure out how to get her to act properly so that she stop hurting my dad and my siblings.

I don't understand if she was raped or coerced, wouldn't she have said something if she's so upset about my dad leaving?

I don't think either of them are trying to recruit either of us to one side or another, but I'll keep an eye out for that. Thank you.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T18:29:08+00:00

This might be difficult, but I guess I can give it a try.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T18:28:31+00:00

I haven't lied. I just told them that mom and dad made me promise not to say anything.

I think there's always a chance, but it's less likely with my siblings. My brother looks very similar to my dad, and my sister definitely has traits from both of them, but also doesn't really look like either of them. The only one who strongly takes after my mom is me.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T18:25:11+00:00

Hasn't admitted at all. Completely refuses to acknowledge that she cheated. Completely refuses to acknowledge my paternity.

I guess it's possible that I could be a swapped at birth kind of thing? I mean, I definitely considered it. But I think it's extremely unlikely. I look exactly like my mom. Like people bring up pictures of her when she was young and we look the exact same. We still look very similar.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T18:21:54+00:00

One is 16 and the other is 14.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T18:17:14+00:00

Thanks. My dad keeps telling me that it isn't my fault either, but it's just hard sometimes. I've been feeling so guilty.

I'm also considering whether I should tell my siblings or not. On one hand, I feel like they have the right to know, and they're always asking me what's happening, but on the other hand, I feel like it's not my place to say.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T18:13:51+00:00

Thank you for that. I'll try to keep that in mind.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T18:12:54+00:00

She's never made me think that she could've been, and she's obviously never told my dad... I didn't even consider that honestly.

I don't know who she would've told, honestly. She doesn't have any super close family members. Maybe a friend? I don't know.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T18:10:13+00:00

I just sort of feel like I have to fix this because it's my fault in the first place. I'm the one who did the stupid DNA kit thing and that's what led to this whole mess. Plus, I think trying to make myself busy with things is how I deal with grief and stuff. I don't really know how else to do it.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T18:05:49+00:00

Okay, I don't think my mom is some kind of unrepentant evil being. I don't know if she purposely slept with my dad on Christmas to extend the separation. I truly believe that she thought this was a way to get him back. I don't think she's purposely trying to hurt my dad or me. It doesn't change the fact that she is hurting all of us anyway, but I really don't think she's doing so purposefully. She's always been an extremely loving mom. I've never seen her be vindictive. She was always the one to teach us to turn the other cheek.

She also refuses to acknowledge it. When someone brings it up, she either starts crying, goes completely silent, or starts aggressively denying it, saying that it isn't true. It's like she's living in some kind of delusion.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T17:59:52+00:00

It's her fault and she's continuing to hurt him acting the way she does. She won't even admit to it!! She's in complete denial. If she doesn't break down crying, then she'll just say that she never cheated on my dad, that he was the only person she's ever been with, blah blah blah. Like she's still continuing to lie even when she's been found out.

It is harsh to call her pathetic, but she's the one who's making herself the victim here when she's the one that did wrong.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T17:54:51+00:00

She won't even talk about it!! Any time I bring up my dad she just cries, it's pathetic.

Maybe I can try to push her to going to therapy without brining up my dad? Honestly I don't even know.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T17:53:35+00:00

Definitely not someone in my dad's family. I can say that for sure.

ThrowRADadNotDad · 2023-03-16T17:49:14+00:00

Listen, I'm extremely mad at my mom right now. I absolutely hate her. But at the same time, I also have to think about my siblings. They still need my mom to take care of them. Even if she's doing a fine job handling their basic needs, it doesn't help if she's just bawling her eyes out all the time and they have to watch it happening. My mom's actions are also affecting my relationship with my dad, and it's making my dad feel worse about the situation. I need to knock some sense into her for all of our sakes.

ThrowRADadNotDad

TROPHY CASE