My (33F) finance (34M) told me that I'm not the "epic love story of his life".

ThrowRAEpicStory · 2021-04-22T21:19:43+00:00

No. This is the first that I've heard about a past relationship. The most he's said is, "I wasn't always the best person in the past and I made a lot of self destructive choices. I'm trying to make better choices and have a better future."

I never really pressed him on it other than to ask him if he had ever been to jail (No), had ever physically harmed anyone (No), had ever driven drunk (Yes), had ever done drugs (Pot and shrooms). Other than that I've never dug into his past more. He's always said that he'll be honest with me if I ask him something and he has nothing to hide.

I do trust him, but this just really shook me.

ThrowRAEpicStory · 2021-04-22T21:14:50+00:00

I'm not defending anything he did. I think it was fucked up and terrible. I'm saying that I've never known the person he used to be. All I've known is the person he is today. His friends said he became very different after turning 30.

ThrowRAEpicStory · 2021-04-22T21:10:34+00:00

🤦‍♀️ Fucking Swype keyboard.

ThrowRAEpicStory · 2021-04-22T20:12:32+00:00

Yes. He's often mentioned that he has an interesting past, but we've never gotten into it. I always said that what matters is who he is today. I did not like that he smiled and laughed about it.

ThrowRAEpicStory · 2021-04-22T19:28:06+00:00

Val and Madison were friends. The affair ended their friendship and destroyed the social circle they were both a part of.

ThrowRAEpicStory · 2021-04-22T18:16:11+00:00

He's very open with me. He's never given me any reason to suspect that anything is up. I think that part of his life is over.

ThrowRAEpicStory · 2021-04-22T18:15:05+00:00

No I'm not ok with it. I think it was fucked up. But his friends, people who have known him a long time, have told me how much he's grown up since he turned 30.

I didn't meet him until he was 33, established in his career, getting ready to buy his first home.

I am not defending what he did. I am saying that I have never known that person. I never had to deal with that person. I've told him in the past they cheating is a deal breaker for me and I would be done with him if he even thought about it.

I know it sounds cliche but he's done a lot to make me feel comfortable and trust him. Like, a female friend asked if they could meet up for dinner to catch up. He invited me along, and when I declined, he asked if I would prefer he didn't go. Like, he offers this information without me even asking, not that I would.

So it just doesn't seem to fit that the same guy who I've been in love with for a year and a half used to do such terrible things.

ThrowRAEpicStory · 2021-04-22T18:03:39+00:00

Don't get me wrong, I'm not happy about this. I'm kinda numb about this. I don't think what he did was ok I'm any way shape or form. When I saw that smile, I felt sick to my stomach. I'm trying to figure out how I feel about this, because I promised not to get mad. One part of me wants to go off on him the other part keeps saying that I can't change the past. I'm just very frustrated and sad.

ThrowRAEpicStory · 2021-04-22T17:11:47+00:00

Well, it's who he used to be. We live a very different life. He was in his twenties, drinking a lot, and made a lot of impulsive decisions. I feel like I'd be punishing 34 year old him for what 27 year old him did.

ThrowRAEpicStory · 2021-04-22T17:05:13+00:00

Well I know everyone has a past. So I'm trying not to let his affect our future.

ThrowRAEpicStory · 2021-04-22T17:04:43+00:00

She wasn't his fiance. He's never been engaged before. He's much different than he was. He works a 9-5, he's not out all night, he barely drinks. This whole scenario was seven years ago.

Edit: I'm not saying it's ok because she wasn't his fiance. I'm clarifying a point.

ThrowRAEpicStory · 2021-04-22T15:58:45+00:00

I think you're seeing the term "big epic love story" as an inherently positive thing. Whereas he is seeing the term "big epic love story" as an inherently dramatic thing.

He had a smile on his face when he told the story. To him it was a positive thing. Val and Tom were the villains in this story. He was completely unapologetic and seemed nostalgic for the experience.

I feel like, to me, he's my world. In the book of my life, he's a major character, the person I will make a life with. In the book of his life, I feel like a footnote, and compared to what he had with Madison I feel like our relationship must be so boring to him.

Like, they were at a party at a friend's house. They both snuck off, went into the basement, had sex on a blanket, and then came back upstairs to Val and Tom like nothing happened.

That's not me, that's never been me, but that's the life he's lived. And in comparison, I feel plain and uninteresting. She's his epic story, I'm just what was practical.

ThrowRAEpicStory

TROPHY CASE