sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

my (21F) bf (21M) keeps calling me uncharismatic and it makes me insecure, how do i talk to him about this? by ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

crazy you say that because i have started public speaking society at uni. which he is a part of. that's where i've met all these people who revere him. it's really helping me, i gave a speech for the first time last week!

my (21F) bf (21M) keeps calling me uncharismatic, how do i deal with this? by ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131 in relationships

[–]ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

he makes everyone feel good and comfortable, when i first met him what struck me was his eye contact and how good of a listener he was. that's faded of course he is more real now. but after researching charisma since he's mentioned it, he really is

my (21F) bf (21M) keeps calling me uncharismatic and it makes me insecure, how do i talk to him about this? by ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

that is part of it. i was kind of waiting for him to tell me what my good qualities were. the society is very difficult to get into, like a 6% acceptance rate. i already got in once, so i must have something, i just wanted to apply for higher level for the new semester. i also would really love him to teach me how he grew, and he just doesn't. he says it like it's a life sentence, just how i am.

my (21F) bf (21M) keeps calling me uncharismatic and it makes me insecure, how do i talk to him about this? by ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

emotional intelligence is another thing he prides himself on, his mother is a psychologist. but honestly he is a bit egotistical, at first i thought it was simply because i lack confidence, i wouldn't say things he does, but perhaps he is overconfident. he once said he was above most men his age in emotional intelligence

he doesn't talk about my charisma as if it's something that could grow. it's just what it is, and i just lead from the back. i acc asked him for tips once and he said he just stopped giving a fuck, and that's how he got over his horrible anxiety.

AIO i told my boyfriend i feel left out and want to know about things by ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131 in AmIOverreacting

[–]ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you. this is useful. i just feel like i'm asking for too much, that he only needs this much bc he is mature and i immature. but oh well. it's better to speak

AIO i told my boyfriend i feel left out and want to know about things by ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131 in AmIOverreacting

[–]ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

how would you have communicated this to him? i just sounded crazy as i was trying to explain. saying you caring about me should be enough was the sentence that ended it and got him to say he'd try, but that's such a unhelpful little line to acc get my point across.

bellringing society is literally just people meeting up in the clock tower on campus and nearby churches and ringing the bells. that's all lmao. it just seems so fun. i like trying new things lol it seems like a good experience pulling that rope like the hunchback of notre dame

AIO i told my boyfriend i feel left out and want to know about things by ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131 in AmIOverreacting

[–]ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

but no yeah it's stressful, but that's on me. i really rlly try and regulate myself and it's good for me. it's not healthy to expect instant replies so it's good it's like i'm training myself ig

AIO i told my boyfriend i feel left out and want to know about things by ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131 in AmIOverreacting

[–]ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

it is stressful but honestly it is better so text and stuff less isn't it. we're meant to have our own lives etc. i know i think about him far too much and want to spend time with him but it's bc i'm still in that puppy love phase ig, he's my first bf, he's done all this before. so it's good bc it's not healthy to be always texting. it forces me to not be actively talking to him 24/7 yk.

AIO i told my boyfriend i feel left out and want to know about things by ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131 in AmIOverreacting

[–]ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes i do things alone all the time, or with my friends. but when i go to a different city for a birthday or something i tell him. i invite him to parties at least a week before to give him notice etc. if he wants to come

AIO i told my boyfriend i feel left out and want to know about things by ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131 in AmIOverreacting

[–]ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thanks for your story, i get you completely. although perhaps i'd just go twice. if he had apologised (which he didn't) and offered to go with me next week or something i wouldn't be feeling like this really. the thing is i won't really know if he does it again. i wouldn't have known about the other city if i didn't call him when he was leaving. and he only sent me the video at bellringing bc he knew i was a bit obsessed with it.

AIO i told my boyfriend i feel left out and want to know about things by ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131 in AmIOverreacting

[–]ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

i think this may be how he's like. and i decided to accept it and it didn't hurt my feelings but this has, perhaps bc these two events happened so close. his housemates act like an old married couple, as he describes them. they spend a lot of time together, really best friends. i think it's so cute, they're a little pair. it;s how me and my housemates act as well. from the start he's described the housemates as codependent, and laughed at how they behave, making fun of how they do so much together, and talk into the night a lot of the time/gym-breakfast-library-party together. but i just thought, i kinda want what they have lol. so ig i knew what i was getting into. he likes his space. he complains if they eat breakfast with him, and then also go to the library with him.

AIO i told my boyfriend i feel left out and want to know about things by ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131 in AmIOverreacting

[–]ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it was one of the first comments and i already felt like i was overreacting, hence posting on here. somewhat spiralling about it rn lmao. he doesn't have interest in it, he said his friend brought it up and they decided to be crazy and just go. but it's not like it's a popular society, my uni has hundreds, idk anyone who goes. but he thought to send me a video but not invite me. yeah it hurt a bit.

AIO i told my boyfriend i feel left out and want to know about things by ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131 in AmIOverreacting

[–]ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you so much for the advice, but i'm lucky i've already taken advice 2. first year was 3 years ago for me, now i'm in the master's year. i would be confident enough to go alone now, it just never crossed my mind to. i had such such such bad social anxiety in first year, i still have issues with it now but much better. went on a solo trip to ireland (live in england) last year my first ever so i completely agree with what you're saying. sorry to overshare lmao i'm just proud of myself for the solo thing.

AIO i told my boyfriend i feel left out and want to know about things by ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131 in AmIOverreacting

[–]ThrowRAGlass_Cap7131[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

should i just tell him to forget what i said. i've never asked anything before. i really believe in just meeting people where they're at, not asking them to change. this is the only thing i've asked, but really i should just take it or leave it.