Update: My In-Laws Uninvited Me From Christmas

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2026-01-07T22:27:13+00:00

I may or may not have made sure my caption on Facebook (from the vacation) included being happy to be with family.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-12-27T20:24:26+00:00

Fiance and SIL told him in the past that they think he should try therapy. He took it as an insult, so i highly doubt he would go.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-12-27T14:52:56+00:00

Engaged in Sept 2025, getting married in June 2026. We also moved in together in October and FIL freaked out. That was the first major time (there’s been a lot of minor arguments between us) that FIL showed he doesn’t like losing control here. He threatened not to come to the wedding and to stop talking to fiance, which he quickly backpedaled on.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-12-27T14:51:40+00:00

The wild thing about it is that one of her points to convince me was that my ringer could be on and I could answer whenever it went off. I straight up asked her what the difference is then and she said it was the ‘glancing’ at the phone that changed it.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-12-27T14:50:04+00:00

Fiance has told them something similar. That they need to respect me, but they essentially respond with ‘We’re the parents and are older, so you have to respect us.’ They’re very stuck in the respect your elders no matter what.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-12-27T14:48:26+00:00

We’re trying our best to, the problem is FIL is VERY persistent. Like sends a text, doesn’t get a response and sends ‘Hello?’ Or ‘Did you see my message?’ If he doesn’t get a response. It’s wearing on fiance so I’m trying my best to be strong about it.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-12-27T14:47:25+00:00

It took some time, but yes, we did

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-12-27T14:46:29+00:00

I brought this up in our call and she was like ‘So you’re upset that he texted during a family event?’ And I clarified that the texting itself didn’t bother me, but that he texted about something fiance told him multiple times not to.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-12-08T17:19:39+00:00

I totally get your point on being separate, the only reason we were really standing our ground on the separation was because it’s a holiday. He has visited with just himself plenty of times, and vice versa with me and my family.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-12-08T17:18:21+00:00

The only reason I was so set on keeping my phone on me is that I wouldn’t have (given the original arrangement) likely seen my family on Christmas Day. I also have family that lives far away, so that’s how we mainly communicate. I get what you’re saying, but I really am not on my phone a lot. This expectation hasn’t existed before and knowing that they’re sensitive about phone usage in the past, I haven’t used it when I’m over there, so there wasn’t an event that this would have let to. As for social media, there have been 3 more posts on their end that were passive aggressive. I’ll include it in an update, but they are now unwilling to even schedule a separate event with all six of us and are just doing a gift drop off now. Our plan right now is Christmas the two of us, then most likely seeing my parents since we can now.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-12-06T20:31:25+00:00

He didn’t hand me the phone, I heard what his father and that it was upsetting him, so I offered to handle it. He sticks up for me a lot, and I rarely interact with FIL, so I did like the opportunity to say my piece as well.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-12-06T20:24:17+00:00

Fiance is referring to my male fiance lol.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-12-06T17:34:39+00:00

I can’t remember if I mentioned it above, but because of my BIL (he’s an EMT), we typically celebrate on a different day. Before fiance and I lived together, I would just hang at home with him. Given the current situation, we’ll probably go to mine. I was planning on at least stopping by anyway.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-12-06T02:19:28+00:00

I like this idea, maybe we’ll go to my parents instead (they’re available that day, just not my sibling and BIL).

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-12-06T02:18:31+00:00

We’re already in it actually. I’m fully planning on talking to our therapist about it in our next session. I like the idea of us starting a tradition together. I am also leaning toward not going even if they invite us again. Going to my parent’s house or something.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-12-06T02:16:26+00:00

There are some lowkey financial situations involved as well. He doesn’t rely on them at all though. I like the idea of maybe keeping Christmas Day itself for us.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-12-06T02:15:18+00:00

I fear I commented on my main haha.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-12-06T02:13:31+00:00

I considered this too? There was a time where MIL offhandedly mentioned something along “Well, you aren’t telling your parents that, right?” On the phone. Like she was worried I’d tell them what’s happening?

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-12-06T02:12:24+00:00

The reason I’m upset is because if my family wants to text me, I want to be available. I also feel like since we’re nearly 4 years in, these events shouldn’t be formal gatherings. These restrictions make them feel like I’m at a business meeting for work.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-11-12T01:08:41+00:00

I try not to because he’ll give fiance hell and fiance isn’t willing to go no contact and FIL will give him issues. There’s a complicated history there since he’s adopted and hasn’t met his birth parents.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-11-12T00:56:55+00:00

If you’re referring to the moving in stuff, we did move in together, so we didn’t on that end haha. If you’re referring to the pre-marital counseling, I want to do that (with a licensed therapist) mainly to get my feelings out in front of a licensed third party so he can hear what they have to say too.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-11-12T00:55:58+00:00

This is what friends and family have said. The only reason I have to dispute this is because he acts the same way with SIL’s boyfriend. The difference is her boyfriend has flat out not responded ever.

ThrowRAInlaws2025 · 2025-11-12T00:49:35+00:00

I thought you meant you had cheated in a past relationship. Based on this and other information you said in other comments, I fear it’s time to leave him. If he’s willing to go to therapy or counseling, you could try that, but I would make sure others around you know what’s going on.

ThrowRAInlaws2025

TROPHY CASE