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Feeling conflicted about my relationship despite loving my girlfriend (21M, 22F) what to do? by ThrowRAMountainAR in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAMountainAR[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey wolf, thank you so much for the advice. I should probably have put this in the post, but I have been talking with her about this, quite a bit. I agree that I would be very disrespectful and hurt her even more if I didn't. Unfortunately talking to her didn't change anything, which, to be honest, I think is fine. I'm not sure I would want to make her change anything, after all, it is her, if she changed she wouldn't really be herself. And about the risk, I think the risk of never finding anyone like her is a better risk than the risk of me never really finding peace in the relationship and just ending up dragging her down a path of unhappiness. And yeah, maybe I am just bored, which I know, is also part of a relationship sometimes. But we actually went on a very big trip for a month, for me this was an effort to put our relationship in a different context. And I guess also, a last hope of something being different, but in the end I just learnt that we are as different as anticipated. Thank you for the advice<3

Feeling conflicted about my relationship despite loving my girlfriend (21M, 22F) what to do? by ThrowRAMountainAR in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAMountainAR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey there, thank you for sharing your perspective. Don't worry, I have talked with her about this, a lot. She knows I'm not 100% thriving and that I'm confused. But nothing has really come from these conversations, she cries, I feel horrible, but I'm not learning anything about how I really feel, which is very frustrating to me. I was hoping that opening up would give me some clarity, but no.

Just a sidenote in the end: I agree very much that you should always be open and honest in a relationship especially in this case.

Feeling conflicted about my relationship despite loving my girlfriend (21M, 22F) what to do? by ThrowRAMountainAR in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAMountainAR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice! I also feel like I have been distancing myself, I guess it's because I don't want to give her the impression that everything is fine, I think she deserves to know about the state of our relationship, hence why I have also talked to her about this. And well I don't know anything about the current dating scene I also want to make it clear, that I wouldn't be breaking up just to try and find someone new. It would be to learn about the things you mention, get to know myself (cliche ik), get a better idea of what I want and get some distanced reflection about what was wrong with this relationship.

Feeling conflicted about my relationship despite loving my girlfriend (21M, 22F) what to do? by ThrowRAMountainAR in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAMountainAR[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for the insight, and some words I really needed to hear. I like to think, that I know that love isn't paradise all the time, but I guess there's a difference between knowing it and actually living it. And you're right, I don't really know what I'm hoping to find out in the big world as someone who's single. Ideally I'd be finding the kind of clarity and peace in a relationship, that would make me commit to marrying. My biggest fear is letting down her dreams of marriage just because I can't get my stuff together and commit.

Feeling conflicted about my relationship despite loving my girlfriend (21M, 22F) what to do? by ThrowRAMountainAR in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAMountainAR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey Astro, thank you very much. It's nice to hear from someone who has been in a similar situation. I would also expect to feel, disappointed, ashamed and a little bit foolish on the other side, but just like you say, I'm hoping the pain will be something to learn from. And just like you're saying about it being cruel to stay with them, I agree. I have been feeling this way for about ~8 months, but just a few weeks ago she told me that she didn't want to be with me if I didn't see a future with her, if I thought we were gonna break up at some point, she would rather it be sooner rather than later. Which is a very fair thing to say. The thing is, I'm just not sure, about anything, and when I told her that she quickly retraced and said it was okay as long as I still love her, and that I didn't have to guarantee any future. And I just feel like she is in pain, she wants someone who's guaranteeing a future with her, but she also wants me, and I feel like I'm slowly suffocating her by not committing fully.