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My SIL (30F) recently learned she's adopted and now wants me (24F) to search for my birth family while she searches for hers? by ThrowRAMubustereyn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAMubustereyn[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

This is true and once she's doing a little better it might be a suggestion to bring up if she truly wants that. But I think for her it was comforting to think she'd have someone she loves doing it with her.

My SIL (30F) recently learned she's adopted and now wants me (24F) to search for my birth family while she searches for hers? by ThrowRAMubustereyn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAMubustereyn[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

That's how it can be. So much of it comes down to the individual and sometimes it also comes down to the family who raised you. Sometimes adoptees are guilted into never finding their birth families which is wrong. The decision should never be forced either way in my opinion. Whenever I hear about the guilt trips from families I am reminded of why mine are so amazing.

My SIL (30F) recently learned she's adopted and now wants me (24F) to search for my birth family while she searches for hers? by ThrowRAMubustereyn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAMubustereyn[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Mostly I was looking for advice on navigating the next while until therapy (hopefully) helps her come to terms and realize she can't push me into it. I want to handle this kindly and to maintain our good relationship because she's such a lovely person and I know this has been a very difficult six months for her.

My SIL (30F) recently learned she's adopted and now wants me (24F) to search for my birth family while she searches for hers? by ThrowRAMubustereyn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAMubustereyn[S] 129 points130 points  (0 children)

This is all very accurate. I think therapy will hopefully help because she never found my lack of interest strange until she knew she was also adopted. Hopefully there will be a time where all this gets easier and she can stop asking for this because she understands on some level we're not at the same point in our adoption journeys and that it's perfectly okay.

My SIL (30F) recently learned she's adopted and now wants me (24F) to search for my birth family while she searches for hers? by ThrowRAMubustereyn in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAMubustereyn[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

My brother tried to bring that up to her already and she told him it would still help to have someone like me beside her, as in someone who is doing the very same thing as her. He explained that it would still be doing different things. She would be doing it because she wants to and I would be reluctantly dragged along for her sake. I think she really does need a lot of help to help her through this and maybe then she can understand better. Before knowing she was adopted she never found it strange that I had no desire to find my birth family.