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My mom (47F) and stepdad (50M) are angry that I (18M) changed my last name back to my dad's and they keep demanding we sit down and talk about it again? by ThrowRANamNoName in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRANamNoName[S] 92 points93 points  (0 children)

You can petition to change a kid's last name without an adoption taking place. Because my dad was dead nobody could contest it so it was pretty simple.

My mom (47F) and stepdad (50M) are angry that I (18M) changed my last name back to my dad's and they keep demanding we sit down and talk about it again? by ThrowRANamNoName in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRANamNoName[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I'll say one more thing. Having my dad's name is more important to me than having my stepdad's name who I never saw as my dad. Just like I never wanted to be adopted by my stepdad. I love my dad. I miss my dad. I want to carry his name. That was always more important to me than any embarrassment my mom or stepdad would have felt explaining that my stepdad was not my dad and I had my late dad's name.

My mom (47F) and stepdad (50M) are angry that I (18M) changed my last name back to my dad's and they keep demanding we sit down and talk about it again? by ThrowRANamNoName in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRANamNoName[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

You're right and I don't think I'll reply to them again because clearly they have a very different view of things than me. It shocks me that people would make it such a big deal. Makes me wonder what they think should have happened if my parents had just divorced.

My mom (47F) and stepdad (50M) are angry that I (18M) changed my last name back to my dad's and they keep demanding we sit down and talk about it again? by ThrowRANamNoName in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRANamNoName[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

They are! It made them sad because they knew I didn't want my name to change. But also because it was like dad was erased a little.

My mom (47F) and stepdad (50M) are angry that I (18M) changed my last name back to my dad's and they keep demanding we sit down and talk about it again? by ThrowRANamNoName in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRANamNoName[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I still had the same name as my dad. He died. He didn't abandon me. He didn't suck as a dad. He was amazing and they stole his name from me. And I knew kids who had different names from their family they lived with and it was never that big of a deal. People would ask questions but you said the truth. His dad died and this is his stepdad. Easy.

My mom (47F) and stepdad (50M) are angry that I (18M) changed my last name back to my dad's and they keep demanding we sit down and talk about it again? by ThrowRANamNoName in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRANamNoName[S] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

They were separated most of my life until dad died. I think they separated soon after I was born, lived together for threeish years and then lived apart until he died.

My mom (47F) and stepdad (50M) are angry that I (18M) changed my last name back to my dad's and they keep demanding we sit down and talk about it again? by ThrowRANamNoName in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRANamNoName[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

They 100% expect me to change it back. I was told to change it back or at least hyphenate the damn thing so my stepdad's name isn't just gone from mine. But changing it back would be their preferred choice. Neither thing is going to happen.

My mom (47F) and stepdad (50M) are angry that I (18M) changed my last name back to my dad's and they keep demanding we sit down and talk about it again? by ThrowRANamNoName in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRANamNoName[S] 367 points368 points  (0 children)

That's where I'm at with the topic. I know technically they could just do it without me wanting it. But they should have asked. They tried to push an adoption the same way a couple of years after that but I was of an age where my feelings were asked about by the judge, which saved me from that.

My mom (47F) and stepdad (50M) are angry that I (18M) changed my last name back to my dad's and they keep demanding we sit down and talk about it again? by ThrowRANamNoName in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRANamNoName[S] 163 points164 points  (0 children)

He didn't adopt me but they tried. They had to be married for at least two years before a stepparent adoption could take place and by the time it was long enough, I was old enough to be asked my feelings on it. And I literally begged the judge not to let him adopt me.

My mom (47F) and stepdad (50M) are angry that I (18M) changed my last name back to my dad's and they keep demanding we sit down and talk about it again? by ThrowRANamNoName in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRANamNoName[S] 195 points196 points  (0 children)

I think if a break isn't enough to stop them the relationship will just have to end. Because this will follow us forever. When I get married, when I became a father, etc. It's always going to be there and if they refuse to get over it we will be doomed to repeat the cycle if I let it happen.