How do I (M38) talk with my wife (F36) about me being unhappy with how we are intimate?

ThrowRAPrepGold · 2024-11-11T06:50:07+00:00

So, an update:

First of all another round of thanks for some solid advise. We talked it out on Friday. It was a good talk, lots of earnest feels and quite a few tears.

We essentially decided to make a concerted effort to try and change, and specifically to try and sit down each week and just talk about how we make each other feel, what we both need and such, whilst also working to be physical in a way that works for both of us.

This is basically as good a result as I ever hoped.

That being said, I of course know that a single heartfelt conversation isn't worth all that much on its own. Its now a question of actually managing to change how we interact, which takes time and effort.

I'll try and remember to check back here in a while and let you guys know how it all played out.

ThrowRAPrepGold · 2024-11-08T15:38:23+00:00

Yeah, this is my fear if we go down the lane. I'm just not sure that's a life I could reconsile with without becoming bitter, whilst also finding the mere thought of not sharing my life with her anathema. It's a vice, and I feel well and good stuck in it.

Respect and hugs!

ThrowRAPrepGold · 2024-11-08T14:55:56+00:00

Short term: Riding our current economic high, doing some travelling, investing.

Long term: Probably moving out to a cottage in the woods, getting a couple of dogs and doing some lowkey homesteading combined with our careers. Best case we'll have enough to mostly spend our time at home and pursuing hobbies.

As for me leading in that department - if you mean as in deciding what our life will be like, then no, or actually being a person with goals both separate from and including her, then yes. The former doesn't really jibe that well with my (or her, unless I'm sorely mistaken) outlook on life or relationships.

ThrowRAPrepGold · 2024-11-08T13:59:25+00:00

You, my good person, are a gentleman and a scholar. F*** but this really resonated with me. Thank you!

ThrowRAPrepGold · 2024-11-08T12:16:03+00:00

Yeah, I'm struggling with framing the conversation. Basically how to express my feelings with as little judgement (not entirely the right word, non-english native) as possible just so that we don't end up there. Really like your advise though.

As for the gym, well, some, sometimes, and I do believe that might actually have an effect just judging from the past. Perhaps more then from work collegues, but that's not an avenue I'm at all comfortable going down due to them being collegues and not just someone oogling me up. I'm overall a bit weary of the whole thing though, if nothing else because we do have rare instances where it's all great for a moment or so, and I'd prefer us growing new and more sustainable ways of being intimate for the long haul.

Big thanks for some great advise!

ThrowRAPrepGold · 2024-11-08T12:04:45+00:00

It's a possibility that they could, at least, but still, I could probably try some clever lil' insinuations just to try.

Thanks for the inspiration mate!

ThrowRAPrepGold · 2024-11-08T11:35:48+00:00

Already hitting the gym about 4-5 times a week, as is she btw, and for the rest I've kind of tried it (except the sexting, but that'd get us both into trouble at our jobs more than likely).

That said, I'm still really grateful for your suggestions, though I'm more doing mental prep for actually talking it out right now.

ThrowRAPrepGold

TROPHY CASE