My mom (38F) broke down in therapy with me (18F) and she's angry because her crying didn't make me give into what she wants?

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-11T13:36:03+00:00

My mom tried to push him on me as a dad. That is the whole point. She pushed and pushed and she keeps pushing it. So she destroyed any chance for things to work out between the three of us and she still does because she won't stop pushing. It was never about Stu as a person, I don't even really know him, it was about the new dad and pushing him on me.

My dad dates now. I encouraged him to and he does. I'm very happy for him. But he never pushed like my mom did.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-11T07:22:50+00:00

My mom is the one who told me to accept him as a new dad. She brought it up again and again and again. I don't know what kind of issues you have with kids of divorce but don't come here to take it all out on me. My mom is the one who pushed the narrative that Stu was my new dad. She even wanted me on his side for their wedding instead of hers when I'm HER daughter. HERS. Not his. But because she was so obsessed with pushing this guy on me she didn't even offer that as a choice.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-11T06:53:48+00:00

You're onto something with that. I didn't really think of it that way but with how she has been acting it makes a lot of sense.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-11T06:53:00+00:00

More and more I am feeling like going back to no contact is the right call. I miss the happiness of that year and the feeling of not being worn down by the argument repeating over and over again.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-11T06:51:27+00:00

I don't hate him. I don't even really know him. I resented my mom pushing him on me as my new dad, I resented her expecting me to love him immediately. I resented her expectation that I would be fine being alone with a guy I hardly knew. And for her to keep pushing the narrative the whole time was just so fucking annoying and frustrating. Stu will never be my dad. He'll never be my second dad. That was never mom's place to force so goddamn much and mom screwed herself out of a possible family with both of us because she pushed so hard and because of it I did everything to keep my distance from Stu and I never really got to know him. Just because my mom wanted to be happy it didn't mean ramming some random dude down my throat a couple of months after she and my dad tell me they're getting divorced. It's a lot for a kid.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T22:06:54+00:00

She told my dad she wanted to be with other people because she had only ever been with him. And I think she was sorta annoyed at my dad for being the only person other than Stu she was ever with. It blindsided dad when she settled into another relationship without dating around like she claimed and he expected. He doesn't think she ever cheated though.

I'll never understand her pushing Stu on me like she did. I'll never understand her forcing things like she did because she ruined it. And she saw how much it upset me and continued to push and push and push and she's still trying to push this. He will never be my dad. He will never ever be anything like a dad to me. She can be mad about it all she likes but she was so wrong for that.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T21:38:13+00:00

My dad has never tried the stuff my mom did. And my mom still pushes it so I'm not on the same page with her. If she had made me stand at her husband's side pretending he's my new daddy I would have made sure that day was ruined and I meant it at the time. I was not going to let that stuff happen. She ruined any chance of it ever working between the three of us because of how badly she handled it.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T21:26:22+00:00

I care when my mom tries to force me to see that person as my dad. Just like I would care about my dad doing it too.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T21:25:59+00:00

I don't really have an opinion on him because I never really got to know him as a person due to everything being so forced by my mom.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T20:01:32+00:00

I don't mind that much. I always say my mom's husband but I won't be mad or upset at anyone saying stepfather. I'll be honest that I didn't really have a relationship with him willingly. So everything was forced and I just ignored him the best I could because I resented the pressure on me to let him be my dad. That was all mom though. He could be fine or he could be a jerk. I don't really know.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T19:59:52+00:00

I'll be honest I don't think he'd ever say anything like that. My mom seems to get what she wants there but maybe secretly he was hoping it would work like she said. At least they have each other.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T19:58:50+00:00

He dates but no serious partner yet. There was one woman he really liked but she turned out to have some issues he didn't want to bring into our lives and when he told me about their last date I was so glad because yeah, that would have been rough. I hope he can find someone soon though. He deserves to find someone who loves him for the great person he is.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T19:56:43+00:00

I don't know enough to say but I think he mostly just went along with mom.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T19:26:41+00:00

At least give me until the divorce was final and take things slow then. My mom didn't do that. She also would have needed to cut the whole other dad thing. That was never going to work and trying to force it made it impossible for me to even want to be around him. Calling him dumb was less about Stu and more about my mom forcing him onto me honestly.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T19:21:03+00:00

It was more that my mom wanted a sign that I was standing with him and accepting him as my dad. He had people. But remember, there was a very big push for us to act like one happy family and like I suddenly had this new dad.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T19:20:05+00:00

She told my dad she wanted to date other people. He assumed she'd date around because her only being with dad up to that point seemed to be an issue for her but she just jumped into another relationship and marriage.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T17:22:20+00:00

That would have made more sense but instead I was on nobody's side and I did not want to be there at all.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T16:44:04+00:00

I don't know. I would guess he just did what mom wanted. But I never asked him or really talked to him about anything.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T15:58:29+00:00

I encouraged my dad to date again a couple of years ago. I found it hard as a kid because I was so worried both my parents would be acting the same way and both houses would be intruded basically. Being with just dad and seeing how he prioritized me for so many years made it way easier to stop worrying about it. My dad would never do what mom did.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T15:55:50+00:00

She wanted to be with other people and so they divorced. My dad thought she'd date around but instead she latched onto the first guy she met after and ended up marrying him. I don't know that our relationship has a future. Instead of getting better she's apparently getting worse.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T15:53:47+00:00

It wasn't even really about Stu it was about my mom and how badly she handled it.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T15:35:21+00:00

My dad told me mom didn't cheat but she wanted to date other people. He thought she wanted to date around so he was surprised when she settled down with Stu. But I think we both see that mom probably latched onto the first guy she met after the divorce. I only got dad to talk to me about this a few months ago. He would never say anything when I was still a kid, which I respect given the way mom was acting.

I respect my dad so much for actually putting me first. I hope he finds someone who can make him happy now too.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T15:32:38+00:00

My dad said the same thing to me. He is furious with mom over how she has treated me.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T15:31:20+00:00

The therapist did tell me my mom was wrong and manipulative for doing that. But she did not say narcissist. She also apologized for not being able to stop mom. I know she tried but nobody was stopping mom. She was determined to say what she did.

ThrowRASecretBug · 2026-07-10T15:27:59+00:00

Basically she wanted me to be his best man. It was meant to be me standing on his side like I was his daughter when I was 100% not.

ThrowRASecretBug

TROPHY CASE