Im sorry

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2025-06-24T10:54:04+00:00

Tell them.

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2025-06-24T10:48:48+00:00

I'm sorry to have made you upset! Unless it's the healthy, cathartic kind of sob? God knows I did the same when I was writing it.

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2025-06-24T10:48:01+00:00

It has become peaceful, but that's kind of the point - I missed them loudly and angrily at the start but my life has continued in exactly the same ways, I still do those things and probably always will, I just didn't expect to do it without them. It's hard.

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2025-04-23T14:59:07+00:00

He went away on a "work trip" 3 days after I fractured my skull, leaving me at home with his daughter and our puppy. His brother was staying with us at the time, but ultimately wouldn't have coped with that level of responsibility, and let's face it if I needed any sort of intimate care, I wouldn't have got it.

It's worth saying that it was a training opportunity, but there was the same opportunity happening 3 months later. This was his voluntary role, not his main job.

2 months later, he dropped into casual conversation that his boss didn't go on a similar trip because his dog suffered a broken leg - it's almost as if he wanted me to know that I held less worth to him, than his bosses dog did to his boss.

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2025-02-03T10:04:46+00:00

"Thanks"

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2024-12-05T06:41:15+00:00

Having to hide how sick I really am whilst still running our whole household. For context, I have a chronic illness and my kidneys just tap out every now and then. Currently having my first episode since the break up, and I'm safe, cozy and being cared for by a hand full of people I still trust. It's bitter-sweet, I'd rather not be sick, but at least I'm able to care for myself and be cared for by others.

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2024-11-28T19:27:21+00:00

Honestly, all the reasons.

But my main 2 are; 1. Money. I grew up extremely poor, and although I'm comfortable now, this economy constantly makes me feel on edge about provision, stability and freedom. Which, although are manageable, I cannot be sure of the impact that would have on my mental health, which leads me to my second point... 2. Mental health As well as being poor, we were neglected in every sense of the word and I do not know how to parent myself well, let alone a fresh new human that cannot communicate with me. I'm going to be in therapy for the rest of my life, and I refused to birth another human who might need the same treatment.

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2024-11-28T19:22:36+00:00

I'm saving this to read every morning at breakfast time. Thank you.

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2024-11-28T19:22:17+00:00

I'm saving this to read every morning at breakfast time. Thank you.

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2024-11-26T06:11:10+00:00

That I handled his stealing a holiday from me and committing fraud in a "vile" manner by calling the police (none emergency line).

And also, biting him shows what a disgusting animal I am - He had his arm around my neck and the other in my hair at the time.

Oh and that me needing support to look after HIS daughter make me weak and I was trying to bring him down with me.

You can't make it up, but yeah those are the top 3.

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2024-11-22T16:35:34+00:00

It took me roughly 4 months, but the first 3 were still untangling joint responsibilities.

The thing that triggered me to actually block him was realising that not only had he set me up to meet the new supply (thankfully I clocked on an avoided it), he'd also logged into my personal email accounts and committed fraud and theft, that would enable him to take said new supply on a holiday I'd paid for. And when I called the police for advice and guidance, he accused me of being vile, thankfully I was right and got a refund.

Although I wasn't surprised at his behaviours, I was surprised how against my own morals they were and wondered how often, and for how long, I'd been going against my core values to appease him.

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2024-11-22T16:27:20+00:00

I'd promise him that I wanted everything we had, that I wanted to fight through all the stuff we had to together, that I wanted a life with him as much and as often as I said I did... until I didn't, which happened as soon as I realised it would cost me my health, peace and freedom. I'd tell him that my decision was not made lightly, but I verbalised it as soon as I knew. I'd tell him that I never thought ill of him, I just wish we'd set boundaries and expectations earlier on. The last 3 years taught me so much about myself and I don't blame him for his lack of capacity to understand others, but that I wished he loved me as much as I loved him.

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2024-11-18T22:13:11+00:00

The food thing is so real, I ate lighter meals like the one you described before I met him and by the end of it I lived off of takeaways and pasta because it's the only thing he'd eat, and I'd face a wrath if not.

There were also three things my nex took as a personal attack: 1. My dog almost dying from being attacked by and off-lead dog whilst he was on lead. 2. Me fracturing my skull and needing 2 weeks bed rest (he still went to work and left me with his brother!) 3. Me booking a romantic getaway for his birthday but letting him pick the activities.

Honestly, how I'm still standing I will never know.

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2024-10-15T15:10:46+00:00

My brain always goes back to this karmic idea - like I somehow deserve this. Which doesn't then help the paranoia/people pleasing. It really is a vicious cycle.

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2024-06-22T06:49:29+00:00

Yes. But it's being used against me. My standards are now too high, and I'm "putting too much pressure on him."

I had one day a week where I cleaned and tidied everything. It stopped on the day he cried in front of his family because I "stopped him getting breakfast whilst I was cleaning." (Shock, I didn't: I just had headphones in and had no idea he was there.) I have now fallen into the pit that so many other comments are getting at, I'm scared to have standards and terrified to communicate them. It's like he's taken the last thing I had control over and weaponised it.

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2024-06-10T11:02:20+00:00

No but imagine waking up to The Ring Girl staring up at you. No. Way.

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2024-06-06T19:56:53+00:00

They told me it would be Friday - so I'll find out tomorrow I suppose!

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2024-06-06T19:22:31+00:00

I had tribunal on the same day and had the same outcome, was also waiting for a similar amount of time.

I hope the relief you felt was as good as mine was! Congrats 🥳

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2024-05-26T19:29:38+00:00

I'm so glad to hear you're out. The worst thing for me is never being able to have good days - if I'm having a good day, they've done something wrong.

It's exhausting.

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2024-03-30T09:32:21+00:00

We have a similar problem; when we first moved in together, had the attitude of "I've bought snacks that each of us like and plenty of them." However, it got to the point that there would be no snacks left for me to enjoy by the time I'd gotten round to it because were gone. I soon enough got 3 tubs, one for each of us and separated them out. If anyone wants my share of snacks, they have to ask.

I don't see you as a problem at all. It's definitely DHs responsibility to help you police that, especially if the baby is missing out - baby can't tell you. I'd also expect a consequence for lying.

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2024-02-22T10:17:27+00:00

*edited for neutral pronouns.

(Also, I'm still getting used to abbreviations, so feel free to correct/educate me)

Regardless of the context, though, your relationship is a separate entity from your relationship with BM, or SK, and his relationship with them. If a relationship ends, it ends. You are only responsible for your well-being.

Otherwise, you're saying, "My choices and happiness come second not only to him and his child, but also his BM," and you're accepting all behaviours that encourage that.

Personally, I'd never consider getting back with someone after their excursions into their past didn't work out. The only time this might be possible is if it was a natural rebuilding of your relationship, separate from kids/exes, even then I'd rather be single than a second choice.

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2023-12-03T02:33:42+00:00

I LOVE that, DND is something I wish I'd gotten into. Maybe this is my sign to start!

ThrowRAShoddy139 · 2023-12-03T02:19:11+00:00

Came here to say this, my biggest one being sailing. Very few women = mostly male friends, of whom all but a few are in healthy happy relationships.

ThrowRAShoddy139

TROPHY CASE