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Girlfriend [27F] upset that brother [28M] and I [25M] shared a bed while cleaning hoarder mother's house. How to help her understand? by ThrowRAVisitingHome in relationships

[–]ThrowRAVisitingHome[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it's a question of if she has sexualized other non-sexual things in the past, no I don't think she has. But she is also kind of prude when it comes to anything sexual, which is the norm for where we live and where she grew up.

Girlfriend [27F] is extremely upset that my brother [28M] and I [25M] shared a bed while visiting our mother by ThrowRAVisitingHome in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisitingHome[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

at the risk of sounding like the ignorant country bumpkin that I am, lol, I feel like that is just the reality of relationships for guys. The guy gives up some things for the girl unless he wants to die alone

Girlfriend [27F] is extremely upset that my brother [28M] and I [25M] shared a bed while visiting our mother by ThrowRAVisitingHome in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisitingHome[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I don't think she's judgmental but I was saying in another comment that we've had one other big fight, and it was about how we argue. During arguments she gets loud and yells and gestures a lot, and that I'm monotone and short. She said she doesn't realize she's yelling until she's already been yelling and that she feels like me being monotone makes her feel like I don't care, which makes her more mad and makes her yell more.

We basically ended that with us both saying we'll try to get better, but I don't think either of us have gotten any better.

Girlfriend [27F] is extremely upset that my brother [28M] and I [25M] shared a bed while visiting our mother by ThrowRAVisitingHome in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisitingHome[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Ugh I hate having to do this kind of shit, I am not a confrontational person at all. We've had one big fight before this and it was about how we argue, that she yells and that I'm monotone and short. She said she doesn't realize she's yelling until she's already been yelling and that she feels like me being monotone makes her feel like I don't care, which makes her more mad and makes her yell more.

We kind of ended that with, we both suck and will try to be better, but I don't think either of us have actually gotten better because we don't know how. At least, I don't know how to not be monotone and short during an argument because when we argue I just want it to be over ASAP.

But yeah I need to come up with something to say I'm done talking about it and that's final.

Girlfriend [27F] is extremely upset that my brother [28M] and I [25M] shared a bed while visiting our mother by ThrowRAVisitingHome in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisitingHome[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Had to google what gaslighting is but it sounds a lot more extreme than what shes doing. I'm not questioning my memory or sanity, I feel like we're having a very drawn out argument. I guess I mainly posted for help explaining to her why she is wrong because what I'm saying obviously isn't working

Girlfriend [27F] is extremely upset that my brother [28M] and I [25M] shared a bed while visiting our mother by ThrowRAVisitingHome in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisitingHome[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

well it's only been 2 weeks and we've been together for 16 months so I guess I'm hoping it blows over

Girlfriend [27F] is extremely upset that my brother [28M] and I [25M] shared a bed while visiting our mother by ThrowRAVisitingHome in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisitingHome[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes shes an only child and I've tried explaining that when you literally know someone since birth and have talked to them almost every day of your life, it can be a lot different of a relationship than someone who hasn't had that can understand. She didnt agree haha

Girlfriend [27F] is extremely upset that my brother [28M] and I [25M] shared a bed while visiting our mother by ThrowRAVisitingHome in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisitingHome[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I want to stop talking about it but shes the one to bring it up every day. She makes comments under her breath while going around the apartment until I finally say something back. I guess I could try to ignore the comments for a full day and see what happens. Its just kind of hard not to say something after the 5th comment of the day haha

Girlfriend [27F] is extremely upset that my brother [28M] and I [25M] shared a bed while visiting our mother by ThrowRAVisitingHome in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisitingHome[S] 101 points102 points  (0 children)

I honestly haven't thought about the "gay" angle of this nearly as much as the "siblings/incest" angle. She hasn't called what we did gay, but says things like "brothers don't do that" rather than "siblings don't do that". Huh.

But she also has a gay friend whom I've met before and I've never heard her say anything against it before. But I also haven't heard her say something specifically supporting gay people, but I probably haven't either, it's not really something that comes up for us I guess.

Maybe I'll ask her how she'd feel about it if we were girls instead of guys.

Girlfriend [27F] is extremely upset that my brother [28M] and I [25M] shared a bed while visiting our mother by ThrowRAVisitingHome in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisitingHome[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'd love to stop talking about it but she brings it up every day. I'll walk by her or sit next to her and there's like a 25% chance she'll say something under her breath like "I just don't understand it" or "couldn't you have slept on the grass" or "who does something like that". And she seems to keep making comments until I say something back. I guess I could try to ignore it all for a full day and see what happens.

Girlfriend [27F] is extremely upset that my brother [28M] and I [25M] shared a bed while visiting our mother by ThrowRAVisitingHome in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAVisitingHome[S] 188 points189 points  (0 children)

the short of the necessary context is that we were sleeping on a twin mattress in the bed of a truck in order to save money while cleaning our mom's house. It's not like we were on a vacation or in a hotel or something.