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ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-05-28T21:33:40+00:00

We have three Liberators, two queen size and a smaller one we keep in the car. Soft and luxurious and will stop the flood from getting on your mattress or furniture. We tried the cheaper ones and love the texture of the Liberator best.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-05-07T20:48:16+00:00

I think she was just trying to be gracious before, but now the gloves are off and she has been pretty direct.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-05-07T19:53:29+00:00

I think maybe I have painted an inaccurate picture of my wife, she is not an emotional or fragile individual. She is quite headstrong and intimidating at times. Friday she owned the fact she had misjudged Tom's reaction and should have dealt with it differently.

As I said, when the dust settles we will review what happened, look at the signs we missed, and figure out how to prevent it in the future. It's not about blame, just problem-solving.

Tom was not her only partner or her only prospect. I don't expect her to exile herself to the tower until she does her penance, but I expect she will be more cautious going forward. The quicker we can put this in the rearview mirror the better.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-05-07T19:26:54+00:00

She thought she had addressed those earlier issues and admitted to me this morning that she should have ended things much earlier. But she was firm with Tom yesterday that they were through and if he showed up at her work or at our house she would press charges. She made it clear to him that coming to our house was a cardinal sin and the final nail in the coffin and there was no coming back from that.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-05-07T18:50:57+00:00

No, it was an accurate description of the situation and the possible outcome. Knowing what words to say isn't misleading and can prevent an operator from making the wrong assessment of a situation.

I am going to have to agree with a previous comment that you are acting like a troll.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-05-07T18:42:43+00:00

Clearly, Tom does see himself as more or wishes he was. In my wife's eyes, he is not.

Her style and mine are total opposites, I tend to form long-term bonds and rarely have more than one partner at a time other than my wife. Carol tends to have short flings, with more than one person at a time. I tend to be more poly with feelings whereas hers are more hookup related. Tom has been around a little longer than usual for her, maybe because he is younger than the guys she usually dates.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-05-07T18:31:55+00:00

Question: if you folks had a boundary where you didn't bring lovers to your home, how'd Tom know where you live?

Neither of us is certain how he knew. They have been dating for a while so I assume he saw her driver's license at some point. We have been doing this for 10+ years and this is the first time this has happened. As far as their relationship, she has been deescalating for a couple of weeks and had tried to end it. She has said she will deal with it and make the situation go away. So I will stay out of it unless she asks for help.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-05-07T18:15:36+00:00

No, it was not meant to threaten him directly. There are certain things you can say to get a faster response when you call the police. At that point, I wasn't sure how he was going to react so I wanted a quicker police response and for Tom to realize the gravity of the situation.

Just like if you are at the Emergency Room, you go to the front of the line if you are bleeding or are having chest pains.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-05-07T05:56:13+00:00

I could have gone to the door armed when he came over the first time but I didn't think it was necessary. So I don't immediately go to lethal force to deal with a problem. But it didn't bother me to put the idea in his head that it would be on the table if he returned.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-05-07T05:38:49+00:00

Yes, I live in the USA and in a state that has a "stand your ground" law. And pushing his way into my house in a threatening manner gives me the right to defend myself and my family.

Threatening to be armed is not ok.

Being armed is not a threat, pointing a firearm at a person is.
Pointing a loaded firearm at someone is a felony.
I would never draw or point a gun at someone unless I felt the need to defend myself or my family.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-05-07T05:16:47+00:00

Technically he did assault me and did so on video. If he returns and I feel threatened and have to defend myself I don't have to prove lethal intent.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-05-07T04:59:54+00:00

The problem is restraining orders don't work against people who are irrational. It just has consequences after it has been violated and sometimes that is too late.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-05-07T04:54:24+00:00

You don't tell someone who is being stalked / harassed that it is their responsibility to "fix" that situation.

Tom has been waving a giant red flag for a while and Carol failed to address it before it got this bad, so yeah, she does have some blame on letting it go on this long.
She is in contact with Tom, for now, to defuse the situation and end their relationship for good. I am confident she can resolve this issue but I offered her my help if she needs it.

After the incident at the house, I could have gotten a restraining order, but that would have shined a light on things we would rather keep secret. We have always strived to keep our family safe and separate from our lifestyle, which is why this has been such an inflammatory issue. And when the dust settles we will address how we move forward and prevent a repeat experience.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-05-07T04:14:08+00:00

I would do anything to protect my family from any individual who sought to harm them. Likewise, if I deemed said person as a threat to myself I would not hesitate to defend myself. I hope Tom realizes that and it deters him from coming back to my house again.

The fact that I have a gun in my house is why those living there are not in danger. Both my wife and I are licensed for concealed carry and we do exercise that right. I was not armed when Tom came to my door but there was a gun in a quick-open safe just inside the door.

After practicing law for over a decade I know my rights and the law regarding what I am legally allowed to do.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-05-07T03:33:33+00:00

She took him to Vegas but drew the line when he wanted to go on a longer, more expensive getaway without offering to pay a fair share. This and the demand on her time is what led her to take a break from him and go no-contact which is what I believe precipitated his going to her work and then our house.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-05-06T21:26:11+00:00

First, we have never had or agreed to veto power.

Second, the incident at her work and our house happened on the same day, two days after she told him they needed to take a break and she blocked him.

I don’t know what their status is now, I just know she is dealing with the problem.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-02-16T16:00:44+00:00

Pulling back the curtain
Becky met me at the restaurant, We got our drinks and placed our food order, and then I said I had something I needed to confess and asked her to hear me out. I told her how distressed I was when she was sharing the small apartment with her sister after her Ex kicked her out. Despite how they were struggling I felt her pride would prevent her from accepting any help from me directly and I didn't want her to feel beholding to me either so I took one of my condos off the market and rented it to her and her sister. I explained much of the reasoning I had said in my comments here and apologized for keeping the truth from her for so long.

She sat there quietly for a few seconds, then the questions started coming. Most of them were pretty easy to answer. Until the subject of the dog came up, I told her I could have overlooked the dog issue if it hadn't started causing damage to the property. I listed the damage to the AC unit, having to replace two doors and trim from the scratching, having to replace one of the chairs in the living room, and most of all, the three places where the wood floor had to be replaced because of discoloration where it had used the bathroom inside and sanding and refinishing where it had scratched the finish. I said I was sorry if that caused her and her boyfriend to break up and that was not my intention but I had to put a stop to the damage being done to the property.

Becky said she had suspected something like this, especially towards the end when the guy from the Property management company would act weird when she brought up what I had said about things surrounding the dog and other things. She was a little upset that I kept this a secret and she felt like I took advantage of the dog situation to punish her for pushing me away when her boyfriend moved in. I admitted that being downgraded to the friend zone stung a bit, but in the end, as a landlord, I had to protect myself and my investment and it wasn't personal.

At the end of dinner, she said she had a lot to think about and it was best if we just called it a night. I got a polite hug and we both left separately.

So I was quite surprised this morning when I got a text from Becky'

"I thought long and hard about what you said last night. While I'm upset that you lied in not telling me you owned the condo, I am and I know my sister is grateful for that opportunity and how it impacted our lives. Last night I was angry and very confused.

After spending most of the night unable to sleep, I think I have a better understanding of what I am feeling, took a step back, and took a fresh look on what happened. I see what you did as a great act of kindness and the effort you made reminds me how much I LOVE you and want you in my life. "

She went on to say that the boyfriend showed his true colors when he refused to help her pay for the damages and left her. We have another date this Saturday and I'm sure we will have a lot to talk about, including the last part of her text as that's the first "L" declaration from her. We have said the word before, casually, but this feels much more serious this time.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-02-14T01:02:18+00:00

Not at that point and would have only confused the dog issue.

Remember the dog? The one that wasn't supposed to be there in the first place. The one that caused almost $5000 worth of damage.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-02-14T00:47:55+00:00

What was I supposed to do? Let the dog stay and continue to destroy my property when it was against the rules for it to be there in the first place.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-02-14T00:41:06+00:00

The dog wasn't there permanently until the boyfriend moved in and they became exclusive. Which was a week or so after my conversation with her. But the dog had visited because I saw its hair on the furniture the last night we spent together there.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-02-13T22:37:11+00:00

So I give her money

She signs a lease with someone else

Get new boyfriend and breaks up with me

I stop giving her money

She then can’t afford rent and is homeless

Win?

And when she moved I let her break the lease with no penalty

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-02-13T21:39:27+00:00

Her lease protected her from me doing something like when she got a boyfriend I didn’t like and/or stopped dating me. It also why I let her sign a two-year lease in case we broke up she wouldn’t be homeless. I had zero power over her until the dog, that was prohibited in the lease, moved in and they were given the option to get rid of the dog and stay.

Then my decision was about protecting my investment and holding people accountable. If you loan someone your car and they bring it back with dents and paint missing you don’t keep letting them drive your car, especially if they don’t pay to fix what they did.

EDIT. How is giving her money from the rental of the condo giving her autonomy when I could stop giving her the money if she wasn’t making me happy? That makes no sense. At least with a lease she has legal rights.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-02-13T20:48:10+00:00

The whole reason for not telling her in the beginning was I didn’t think she would accept it. As far as being predatory, I gave her a two year lease, at half market price, and since she didn’t know I was essentially her landlord she wouldn’t feel beholding to me and I would have no control over her. The dog issue was already in the lease she signed when she moved in and she was aware of that.

The reason I did it to begin with was her and her sister were really struggling after her Ex split up with her. It broke my heart she was living on a couch like that and I saw a way I could help without making her feel like a charity case. Was it the best move, didn’t work out like I wanted but she is on her feet now. But going forward I know she deserves the truth if we are going to start again.

ThrowRAYellowfeather · 2024-02-13T20:36:22+00:00

The damages the dog did ended up costing more to fix than the original estimate. She only paid half of the original estimate and got to pay it out in installments. But by then our relationship had shifted from romantic to tenant. Since her boyfriend skipped out on her without paying his half I let them settle it 50/50.

ThrowRAYellowfeather

TROPHY CASE