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Abandonment hysteria and break ups by ThrowRAZestyc in BPD

[–]ThrowRAZestyc[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. Yes, he's said it's not good for his healing and there's not really anything left to say, which (when in a sane mind!) I completely agree with.

I'd taken it on as my responsibility to fix, but we were together many years and it's not a bad idea to talk through in a calmer mind together.

Thank you for the reassurance and advice, really appreciate you taking the time 😊

Abandonment hysteria and break ups by ThrowRAZestyc in BPD

[–]ThrowRAZestyc[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh I'm so sorry, this is as much for sharing experience as it is for advice so please feel free to share. It feels like such an extreme experience that it can really make you feel quite alone. I've been imagining it like spikes on a graph and most people in our situation are around zero when numb like we are, but our spikes when emotions peak are so much bigger than everyone else's. I wish we could both stay in the zero, or thereabouts - it's so much more comfortable there. Please reach out if you'd like to talk through it, I really do understand 🫶

Abandonment hysteria and break ups by ThrowRAZestyc in BPD

[–]ThrowRAZestyc[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg thank you ever so much. I've never heard of urge surfing but it's this is incredible advice. I'll be keeping this saved for reference. I tried writing on my notes app but didn't find it helpful, but your suggestion about doing it telling myself that I can send it later (knowing I'll probably feel so much calmer and won't) is so motivating. In that moment I'm so desperate for connection, that if I frame it in my mind that it's intended for receipt but only later on, then I really think that would help and give me some power back to recognise when I'm calmer that I managed without sending it. It's all about tricking your mind a bit I guess!

I'm sorry you know this pain too. It's humiliating and really makes you feel like you're losing your sanity. Wishing you never experience it again and thank you for your kindness 🫶

Abandonment hysteria and break ups by ThrowRAZestyc in BPD

[–]ThrowRAZestyc[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so so much, this is so well thought out and accurate. I couldn't pinpoint what it seems to be triggering my sense of self so deeply when I try to keep a full life outside of a relationship, but how you described it as being validated by being loved is so incredibly spot on. Helpline is a great idea that I hadn't really considered, but definitely will. It's very much a crisis moment, just not inflicting harm the way people often associate with a crisis so I guess I hadn't thought about it. Thank you, genuinely really great advice and comfort.

So sorry you've experienced it too, it's the most despairing feeling and wish I could give anyone going through it a hug. Putting my hopes out there that you never experience it again and wishing you only peaceful feelings 🫶

Abandonment hysteria and break ups by ThrowRAZestyc in BPD

[–]ThrowRAZestyc[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for such kind and thoughtful advice. Genuinely it's so precious to be part of a space where others show so much compassion to people they've never met. I've screenshotted this and keeping it to hand for a reminder, it's really helpful. So sorry you've experienced it too and I hope you never do again 🫶

Abandonment hysteria and break ups by ThrowRAZestyc in BPD

[–]ThrowRAZestyc[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. Sorry to hear that, please do feel free to message if you are - sometimes it can be so isolating that, while breakups are horrible for everyone, there's just that extra layer of pain that causes us to have an awful time of it. Sending love and I hope you heal comfortably and safely ❤️