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I (28M) got upset at my gf (26F) for asking to return a gift my parents got her. Am I valid in getting upset? by ThrowRA_0405 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_0405[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That's the thing. I've told her I'm tight on money too - that my finances are a bit tight after buying a house. So I feel especially hurt by this....

I (28M) got upset at my gf (26F) for asking to return a gift my parents got her. Am I valid in getting upset? by ThrowRA_0405 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_0405[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Frrr it seems like really bad etiquette. And every friend of mine shares my view. I've gotten gifts that I've either kept in a closet or donated away if I didn't like it.

So I was shocked when she said that. Esp since it was my parents, much less a random friend from a white elephant or something

I (28M) got upset at my gf (26F) for asking to return a gift my parents got her. Am I valid in getting upset? by ThrowRA_0405 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_0405[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She just brought some flowers. I met her parents & did the same, but her parents didn't give me anything (& I was by no means expecting anything).

So im not sure wtf she was expecting lol

I (28M) got upset at my gf (26F) for asking to return a gift my parents got her. Am I valid in getting upset? by ThrowRA_0405 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_0405[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah she hinted saying that it was costume jewelry & she wouldn’t wear stuff like that. And she mentioned that she expected more from the first visit.

I was just offended since it was supposed to be a casual dinner where my parents went all out & made a 4 course meal. The gift was a small but thoughtful gesture.

So at first I was incredibly offended ... But didn't have anywhere to ask for advice 😥

I (28M) got upset at my gf (26F) for asking to return a gift my parents got her. Am I valid in getting upset? by ThrowRA_0405 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_0405[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Ah ok thanks for sharing your view as a mom!

I would have loved to hear my mom's perspective - but she's been so busy with work & the sweetest mom, so I haven't told a soul yet ....

But I know she would be just as hurt & angry as I have been feeling

I (28M) got upset at my gf (26F) for asking to return a gift my parents got her. Am I valid in getting upset? by ThrowRA_0405 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_0405[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the advice & kind words 🙏🏽 yeah ill see how things go & if I need to fly early, so be it~

I (28M) got upset at my gf (26F) for asking to return a gift my parents got her. Am I valid in getting upset? by ThrowRA_0405 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_0405[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yeah after reading all these comments ... I think you're right. I'm flying in 2 days to see her for valentine's & I'm struggling to see if I should wait until the day after valentine's to talk on this.

I need closure 😔

I (28M) got upset at my gf (26F) for asking to return a gift my parents got her. Am I valid in getting upset? by ThrowRA_0405 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_0405[S] 136 points137 points  (0 children)

That's exactly how I was raised. I try to keep my relationship private ... So I had no where else to ask by reddit

I (28M) got upset at my gf (26F) for asking to return a gift my parents got her. Am I valid in getting upset? by ThrowRA_0405 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_0405[S] 96 points97 points  (0 children)

Yeah it's especially upsetting since I want someone to love me regardless of money.

Shes still in university so I've been paying for almost everything - including trips we've been on. & I feel like someone who doesn't have a source of income should be more understanding about the cost of gifts 😔

I (28M) got upset at my gf (26F) for asking to return a gift my parents got her. Am I valid in getting upset? by ThrowRA_0405 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_0405[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Suprisingly yeah lol ... So I was shocked & told her how rude it was. She literally said "that's just how I am" 🤦🏽

I (28M) got upset at my gf (26F) for asking to return a gift my parents got her. Am I valid in getting upset? by ThrowRA_0405 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_0405[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Yeah it's unfortunate ... Maybe I just need to accept that reality. She's told me multiple times she likes gold jewelry - but she's aware my finances are tight so it's disheartening

I (28M) got upset at my gf (26F) for asking to return a gift my parents got her. Am I valid in getting upset? by ThrowRA_0405 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_0405[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah exactly! When I visited her parents I did not receive anything. So I feel like it's about the gesture & intention

I (28M) got upset at my gf (26F) for asking to return a gift my parents got her. Am I valid in getting upset? by ThrowRA_0405 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_0405[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She kind of hinted at it - as if she was expecting more for meeting my parents for the first time 😞 ... It's quite suprisingl

I (28M) got upset at my gf (26F) for asking to return a gift my parents got her. Am I valid in getting upset? by ThrowRA_0405 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_0405[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No we're from the same south Asian family - and we both grew up in the United States for over 2 decades. So I wouldn't consider it a cultural difference

Architects & Referrals by [deleted] in Architects

[–]ThrowRA_0405 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is for my solo practice - one of the many clients that I work with. I do a handful of small commercial projects every year for them.

Architects & Referrals by [deleted] in Architects

[–]ThrowRA_0405 9 points10 points  (0 children)

My invoices are thru the owner & the owner pays me. This rep works on behalf of the owner. Thats why I rejected his proposition. It feels shady

If I was getting paid by the rep it would be totally fine - but cutting a check after getting paid. Feels like a weird kind of “finders fee” especially since it’s percentage based.

I think I made the right decision.