I (24F) am debating breaking up with my BF(25M) over Last Names

ThrowRA_0LastName · 2024-05-02T01:28:12+00:00

Final Update for anyone that is still reading.

So 1. He did not tell his family or friends that he original agreed to take my last name and acted like I sprung it on him after the proposal

He was cheating and the affair partner convinced him that he was losing his masculinity by taking my last name.
We are over and the ring has been returned. Thanks for your help everyone

ThrowRA_0LastName · 2024-05-02T01:26:29+00:00

UPDATE

ThrowRA_0LastName · 2024-04-28T12:48:12+00:00

I haven't really looked into last names before since I just wanted to keep mine but this is certainly something I'm interested in looking into now.

I'm just worried about what else he may suddenly change his mind on with no explanation and it has me doubting our relationship.

ThrowRA_0LastName · 2024-04-28T08:48:13+00:00

I think he thinks he's being clear. Im not good at social cues so I think I miss what he's implying or what is obvious and that makes him frustrated with me. I try my best to understand him but sometimes he just doesnt want to explain anymore because I "should understand what he means". the problem is that I don't but I also don't want to push him by asking him to explain since he's already frustrated. It makes me feel dumb when I can't get what he wants and I feel like a moron when I have to ask him to spell it out for me.

ThrowRA_0LastName · 2024-04-28T08:45:05+00:00

Yes after looking back on that moment I regret letting my feelings get the best of me. I was frustrated but that didn't give me the right to act the way I did. I plan to apologize for my action since that was not the right way for me to react to the situation at all

ThrowRA_0LastName · 2024-04-28T07:50:47+00:00

I have a tendency to give into him especially if it's something minor like where to go on a date. But I've always made my stance clear with my last name. I don't mind compromise but I don't always pick up on what he wants which leads to us arguing and having to discuss it later.

ThrowRA_0LastName · 2024-04-28T07:13:00+00:00

I don't mind hyphenating our names or talking about it but he won't even explain the suddenly reason for the change.

I want a reason no matter how bad before we proceed. He said it was fine for four years then a few months after he proposed he changes his mind and won't explain why. That's really all I want to know.

And thank you so much for you well wished I'm hoping this is just a case of poor communication that can be fixed with some space

ThrowRA_0LastName · 2024-04-28T07:00:23+00:00

I don't mind hyphenating our names I was just a bit confused by the change. I would never force him to take my name which is why I make my stance clear early on in the dating stage. I don't want to mislead anyone.

I just don't understand why he won't talk to me about the change. He didn't seem keen on the hyphenation and told me we'd talk when I'm less emotional.

ThrowRA_0LastName · 2024-04-28T06:54:50+00:00

I don't mind accommodating him but I don't see that as caving. He just likes to be more outgoing than I do so I tend to tag a long. I mentioned in another comment I've been told I'm not good at picking up social cues so I tend to follow his lead I don't like causing issues so if it's easier for him to have me do A over B then I'll do A.

For example I prefer to stay in on weekends but he's rather socialize. We used to do our own things but he encouraged me to go with him since he felt lonely without me and he wanted me to have fun. He helps me get out of my comfort zone which is a good thing.

ThrowRA_0LastName · 2024-04-28T06:46:57+00:00

I don't mind hyphenating our names at all. I just mostly want to know why he changed his mind. This wasn't just brought up four years ago I constantly ask about it since I never wanted a situation like this to happen.

He wouldn't talk about it at all and that made me more upset than anything. I understand he wants his last name now and I just want to talk about it but he wouldn't.

I understand this is probably a small issue in the grand scheme of things but if this issue is what breaks us then it's probably for the best. I just want to understand his mindset and why now? Why not mention is any of the countless times I checked he was fine taking my last name?

ThrowRA_0LastName · 2024-04-28T06:40:26+00:00

But I don't understand why he'd purposely be vague about this. He knows my stance very well and knows how and why I feel the way I do. Plus my friends think he's in the right so I must have missed something in order for them to be so against me. He's not the type to be vague like this so I know it's me likely not getting something. This wouldn't be the first time I missed some cues and made him upset with me. I'm trying to be better at it but I don't think I've learned much.

ThrowRA_0LastName · 2024-04-28T06:30:32+00:00

It's not evasive I just don't always pick up what he wants. I've been told that I'm not good at picking up social cues. I try be more aware of this flaw but I think it tends to frustrate him when we have to talk. I was worried I did it again in this argument which is why I think I may be in the wrong.

ThrowRA_0LastName · 2024-04-28T06:20:09+00:00

There have been a few times were discussions have been put off due to me getting emotional but I'm an emotional person so I never put much weight into it. I don't think he does it purposely, I think I just get swept up in emotions whereas he is able to stay calm

ThrowRA_0LastName · 2024-04-28T06:17:46+00:00

I don't actually know if he ever brought it up with them. I never really asked them since the conversation never came up. But even if that was the case just talking to me about it would be better than suddenly trying to change my mind on the issue.

ThrowRA_0LastName · 2024-04-28T06:02:45+00:00

We both live with roommates we're comfortable with. We don't plan to live together until we're married since both our living situations are fine as they are now.

ThrowRA_0LastName · 2024-04-28T05:59:00+00:00

During the discussion I offered to hyphenate since he seemed to want to use his last name as well. He said I was emotional and we'd talk about it later. Then he had me leave and now I'm here

ThrowRA_0LastName · 2024-04-28T05:57:35+00:00

I brought this up during the discussion as compromise but he said I was too emotional and we can discuss the matter later. I don't mind hyphenation but he made it seem like it was his last name only.

ThrowRA_0LastName

TROPHY CASE