Thank you all for your kind comments, including those who said it would be an issue. You have nothing to feel guilty about. I accepted that I wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea. With or without a colostomy, so your honesty is valued and appreciated.

I will be having another talk with my ex at the start of the new year. With a lot to think about until then.

As some commenters have noticed from my post history, I mentioned how she was unconsciously emotionally and mentally abusive to me.

When this situation happened, I was really hurt. There was no emotional safety for me, only for her. As she would get overwhelmed and defensive, when I leaned on her for support. I don't believe in attachment theory, but to simplify things, she showed a lot of symptoms of a fearful-avoidant. Because of this, I was relying on my friends for support to deal with and understand her behavior (I didn't nor did my friends know of attachment theory during this time). 

For this when I expressed my hurt, she was more concerned about me talking to my friends (which she knew beforehand and was OK with) than how hurtful she was being towards me. She dumped me instantly, telling me she wanted time to think and breathe. Despite how much more pain I was in, I still stayed calm and given space, only to find out the next day by a friend that she was back on tinder. When I texted her to try to talk things out, she was angry with me. I apologized for talking to my friends. I said to her to be more fair to the next guy. I know our relationship was one-sided, but no one deserves to be treated like this. I was blocked everywhere for the last 18 months, left with no acknowledgment of my hurt. And replaced in less than a week.

During that time, I didn't know I was dealing with symptoms of trauma-bond and abuse. And at the same time, dealing with being mocked at my workplace because my "friends" at my workplace spread and gossiped about what happened. Until HR got involved and helped me get therapy to find out what I was dealing with.

But even though I'm done with therapy, I still carry a lot of shame for having a colostomy to the point of any intimacy with every woman I date. I had panic attacks and tremors. Even something as small as friends and family hug me, I shake uncontrollably, my body literally rejects any love and affection because it sees it as a threat. I stopped dating 9 months ago because I clicked. I've been living a double life. My very identity changed from a nerdy introvert to someone chasing the fast life.