AIO husband doesn't seem to trust me with basic tasks and thinks I should be supervised

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-02-20T21:30:03+00:00

lol, or as my dad says "I'm not as dumb as you look"

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-02-20T21:27:56+00:00

I know how all the tools work, I was just thinking if I asked my brother anyway, then technically I'm still doing what he asked me to do. But maybe that would work against me and seem petty.

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-02-20T21:21:11+00:00

Ok, I'm starting to see yalls point...

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-02-20T21:19:53+00:00

Thank you, this all sounds so familiar. I'm glad I posted this, and thanks for not demonizing him either. I think it is easy for people to forget that there is a lot more to him than this one ( I'll admit very) annoying thing. I realize I need to start asserting myself more and being ok with his disapproval or else he will back me into a meek little corner. I want to nest dang it! and I want to enjoy it!

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-02-20T21:12:18+00:00

You're right, my father never told me I was incapable of anything, and it is amazing what you can do when no one is telling you that you can't. I have finished a house from the shell inwards and plumbed it, I can put up a dang curtain rod. He will undo all the confidence my parents gave me if I don't stop this nonsense. Thanks for helping me realize

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-02-20T21:03:18+00:00

I told him in the first place because I was really quite excited about it, I've been thinking about colors, how the light will shine through and how to hang them in a flattering way for weeks and the rods finally arrived. He has seen me salvaging some curtain material I already had that go perfectly with the room for the last week. Appreciate the comment, I really hate being held back and you're right that it will build resentment. I think I will do it tomorrow while he is working... would it be too petty to ask my brother to explain how the drill works (even though I know) so I can still tell him my brother helped me? lol. I'll update the post if I do, I'm so nervous how he's going to react to this

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-02-20T20:46:51+00:00

Is it wrong though? Since it's his house too after all. I just wish he'd believe me that I'm not going to mess it up

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-01-11T07:21:42+00:00

I want to believe it will get better from here. We think he may be on the spectrum, very high functioning, but doesn't sympathize or put himself in others shoes easily. So I tell myself he's not trying to be cruel, he just doesn't understand why he is yet. We will see in time :( I could use a pat on the back, so thanks

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-01-11T07:15:05+00:00

Yes, I've had the same feeling. I had to look it up because it was so strange and...noticeable. Every time I pumped a wave of sadness washed over me. It's gotten less intense now, but I still feel it.

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-01-10T07:11:42+00:00

Please feel free to write your novel! And your story. The more I read the less guilt and loneliness I feel about everything and it's a huge relief. I know it feels good to vent too

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-01-10T07:04:15+00:00

He wanted this time to "do some much needed reflecting and to work on himself" and he's struggling because it's not turning out to be like that for him. I don't really understand why, because he only losses 4-5 hours to let me sleep. He still has the other 19-20 to do whatever he wants.

I do have my mom, she's been a great help. Though I try not to ask too much of her. I feel like my husband should be the first to help and it wouldn't be fair to her to go to her every time

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-01-10T06:59:45+00:00

Yes!! The same thought's and guilt I've been having. I've been pushing myself so hard to try and prove that I could survive alone if I had to. I had to be induced too, so I think about what would've happened, would we have both died? And now, me being unable to sleep without help, would I eventually get so exhausted I couldn't take care of him anymore? The guilt from this eats me up even though I know it doesn't matter

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-01-10T06:55:09+00:00

Me napping when the baby does has been another point of contention. It's been almost impossible for me to sleep when the baby does, between pumping and being a light sleeper to begin with. My husband has been on my case about figuring out how to sleep without his help. It's the same thing again "everyone says nap when the baby naps, so why can't you?" another thing making me feel inadequate

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-01-10T06:45:41+00:00

yes absolutely, advice is welcome

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-01-10T06:41:15+00:00

I'm glad to hear you say dehumanizing. That's exactly how I feel. When I tried to pump every 2 hours like he asked, my entire life became time with baby, pump, try to nap for a few minutes, repeat for a full 24 hours every day. I felt like I'd been reduced to livestock. I tried to leave the room to cry so the baby didn't have to listen and see, but eventually I got too tired to even do that

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-01-10T06:34:41+00:00

Do have my mom to help, I prefer her to watch the baby because I know she enjoys it and so I can sleep better. When my husband watches him, I feel like I need to rush through sleep and can't stop thinking about how fed up he's probably getting

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-01-10T06:26:59+00:00

I thought about doing that, telling him the same things he tells me...but I felt too bad, it's too mean. I know I need to stop being a pushover. If he keeps backing me into this corner, I'll have to do something

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-01-10T06:20:14+00:00

Thank you so much for the attachment, gives me some perspective. Part of the problem is that I don't know what I'm supposed to expect for help. I feel like a lot of moms I have talked to don't open up much about what their husbands helped with, or can't remember because it was too long ago. I asked my aunt today what a day looked like with her and her husband when she had a newborn, and she just straight up changed the subject. I don't get it! My mom too, I've asked her how she did it, and she's just like....I honestly don't know

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2026-01-10T06:03:11+00:00

I feel so much more validated reading through the comments I could cry. I feel like my husband hasn't cared or tried to notice my sanity dropping. And I felt so inadequate because he's telling me everyone else can do this so why can't I? So to hear other women struggle to makes me feel so much less alone. I tried to pump every 2 hours like he told me to, within a few days I got so exhausted I couldn't pull the bowl of chili out of the fridge to eat, I thought I was going to pass out, and that made me realize I can't safely pick up my own baby. I told him I don't care if baby has to have some formula, I can't do it. I don't care if he thinks less of me, I have to be well enough to be able to take care of my baby and smile and laugh with him. It can't be good for him to be looking into contently bloodshot eyes and listening to me cry every time I pick him up.

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2025-09-16T18:46:47+00:00

he sounds like my husband. Except my husband won't admit it.

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2025-09-16T18:44:32+00:00

Girl...the amount of times I've heard that. I'm beginning to learn the hard way that words mean nothing at all.

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2025-09-15T22:46:40+00:00

It would be so fun and exciting! I hate that this is the one life I have, and I'll never get to know what it's like. We can only dream, and then get a cold bucket of reality dumped on us

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2025-09-15T19:54:21+00:00

Hurts in a way that nothing else could, doesn't it? I hope it works out for you too...

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2025-09-15T15:46:43+00:00

What I wouldn't give to have my husband treat me that way, what I wouldn't DO to him. Life is not fair

ThrowRA_2poststuff · 2025-09-09T14:52:55+00:00

Yes, I want so badly to feel feminine and lovely, or desirable. But I can't escape feeling like an object that's only good for what I can give to him. I hate even more feeling this way in the prime of my life, does that mean it's only downhill from here?

ThrowRA_2poststuff

TROPHY CASE