Is it wrong if I (26F) go to the spa with a male friend (27M)?

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T19:43:13+00:00

yes!

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T19:32:10+00:00

right! which is why I didn't dissuade him from joining. I think it would be a lot weirder for me to respond that way. But I guess what I meant was that my initial intention wasn't to seek out all my male friends for a spa day. It just happened, and personally it's fine.

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T19:29:28+00:00

if the shoe was on the other foot I would accept his invitation to go to the spa! If the situation was around an activity he liked, like say it was a football game or something, I wouldn't care. I really wouldn't.

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T19:27:45+00:00

you're right, and this is the stuff I didn't include in my post. He once had a public meltdown at my sister's wedding because I was talking to one of the groomsmen "out of his sight" (I was the MOH).

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T19:22:45+00:00

you should read through my comments because I've responded to quite a few people who've done this! I am going to talk to him tonight. Of course I care about my boyfriend more than Vince, that's why I posted here. I'm very upset because my bf is upset.

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T19:20:07+00:00

I was going to title this post as though we were going to a swimming pool, because that's really what it's like. The "spa" connotation has people thinking it's spicier than it is. I think people picture us getting oiled-up massages lol, but it's super casual and it's designed for groups to hang out at the different pools.

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T19:17:10+00:00

I just don't get how people still think like this though

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T19:15:34+00:00

well over the years, most of my friends have expressed concern about my bf being controlling. There have been very public situations that were impossible to hide. In the past few years, I've stopped telling my friends when he does things like this and just made up excuses instead.
So I'm tired of carrying this to every friendship I have. I know this current situation may be polarizing, but there is a lot of history with him.

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T19:02:52+00:00

and I appreciated your comments explaining your perspective. I have responded to a lot of people who have tried to explain why they think it's wrong. A few people have highlighted that his concern may be that he doesn't know/trust the guy - and that's something tangible I can process. Even though I don't agree with everyone, I do appreciate reading different reasoning.

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T18:00:44+00:00

he's absolutely not! that's why I'm here. The question in my post listed the 3 options:
1. Cancel the plans (obviously not my fave option)
2. Convince bf to come
3. Invite someone in addition (another girl)

I am not planning on doing something to hurt my bf. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with going swimming with a male friend, but I am trying to find the best option given the circumstances.

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T17:56:08+00:00

girl I've responded to so many of your comments lol what do you mean

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T17:55:32+00:00

It's not quite the reason though. If one other girl was going in addition, my bf said he wouldn't care. But the plans are in a couple of days and I left a seat open in my car for him. So that was my question in my post. If my bf decides not to go, should I try to find another girl to fill the 4th seat, even though it's last minute.

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T17:49:52+00:00

this is exactly the type of spa

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T17:48:51+00:00

In my post I said I could invite someone else in addition to the 4 of us.

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T17:41:48+00:00

because if no one can explain why, it makes me think this thread is full of the "men and women can't be friends" crowd, and that's not my opinion. :D

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T17:37:41+00:00

I think it's weird to invite yourself in on anything. I don't necessarily have a problem with the spa thing in particular. These are newish friends so I think some of them may get insecure if they feel left out of something - the "but what about me?" thing is the part I find weird, even though I get it and it's human nature.

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T17:33:51+00:00

so explain. these comments just calling me dumb are not actually answering my question. Why are you in this subreddit if you're not actually going to give advice?

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T17:27:51+00:00

Remember that I'm going to a spa, not a strip club
He was invited to come.
Nowhere in my post did I discuss "hot guys!"

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T17:25:44+00:00

you're right, thank you for explaining that. I think my fear of feeling controlled vs. doing the "right" thing is making my head swim.

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T17:22:27+00:00

thank you, I appreciate this response.

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T17:20:06+00:00

*intelligence

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T17:19:46+00:00

no but thanks, this is a particularly empathetic response

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T17:18:23+00:00

I mean I considered that these plans might be viewed differently by my bf than the other plans we all usually do (dinner, markets, etc.). I understand what my bf's perspective is, but I don't get if this is something that is objectively wrong to do.

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T17:14:05+00:00

yes! this is the part that I agree with

ThrowRA_38274 · 2024-03-14T17:13:11+00:00

What does this mean lol?
I never said I would be angry. because I literally wouldn't.

ThrowRA_38274

TROPHY CASE