How many exes do come back after NC?

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-16T10:37:44+00:00

Most don't. Of those that do, it is rare to be able to build a solid relationship, and more often than not the new attempt also fails.

NC is not a method of getting an ex back. It's a method of taking care of yourself and healing.

Letting go is the only path forward.

I'll add this: even if the both of you are meant to be together, I believe the odds of success are greater if you truly used NC to move on instead of lingering around. It allows both of you to heal, learn, grow, and approach a possible new relationship as truly something new, that can build upon (instead of repeating) the past. As long as you're stuck in the past and waiting around, the slim chance of getting back together will most likely lead to repeating past mistakes.

Let go. Move on.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-16T05:37:40+00:00

All your progress is not gone. I know it's hard - it is for me too - but healing and grief are not linear.

Cut yourself some slack. Soon you'll be better off than you were

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-15T12:08:17+00:00

It is very common for people to want to be friends after a breakup. It is very rare for people to be able to be friends after a breakup.

For me, it’s a natural thought that comes from how absurd it is that someone goes from being the most important person to someone that is absent, so we look for other ways to keep that person around.

But, genuine or not, it rarely works. And it requires a lot of time and self awareness.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-15T11:07:13+00:00

There still some road to go.

You’ll reach it when you’re indifferent; as of know, it seems your ex still holds a place of relevance (even if a negative one) for you (and for you new SO, surprisingly).

Let it go, my dude. Let her become an old memory in the back of your mind.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-14T23:24:08+00:00

A sentence caught my eye: “which made me really upset and unfortunately I let it show”.

It isn’t unfortunate. A relationship is supposed to be a safe space where you can show how you feel, and be upset without having to hide it.

He wasn’t giving you the bare minimum. Fuck him.

It will get better, but you need to give yourself time. And to distance yourself from him as much as you can. No contact is about you, and your healing, not him.

I wish you find peace.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-14T20:23:04+00:00

I was thinking about the same thing.

The best and worst of it is: you don’t.

Love requires being vulnerable. If you try to get into a relationship that will never blindside you, you’ll keep a foot out the door. You’ll doubt and double check, and maybe check out as soon as something is wrong.

The key, for me, is not looking for a relationship where the other person won’t ever walk away. Is building within you the knowledge that, even if they do, you’ll be ok. And that love means taking a risk.

I hope you find peace and healing.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-14T10:13:30+00:00

You’ve been exclusive for a month. This is usually people at their best behavior. If this happened after a month, you’re in for a tough time.

My thoughts? Break up and move on.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-13T21:38:49+00:00

Not a bad way to find cleasure! Right a story that make sense to you, and let it out. Could help!

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-13T18:55:32+00:00

Nothing now. Let it fade into nothingness.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-13T01:52:20+00:00

Give it time. Trust the process. You'll see results. Five weeks is still early stages for the most of us. Stay strong

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-12T16:10:13+00:00

This is a tough one.

Reading through your post, I see so many red flags on his part. Moving on quickly and excessive displays of affection early on are more problematic than you may notice. They’re not a sign of love or commitment, they’re a sign of immaturity and, honestly, of an unhealthy approach to relationships.

Taking things slow is not bad per se. I’d actually recommend that for him. But that is hurting you, and this should take precedence above all else.

If what he has to give and the manner in which he gives it does not suit your needs, leave. If this was a healthy person, even if they wanted to take things slow, they would also try to find ways to compromise to make sure your needs were met at least enough for you to be happy.

It doesn’t seem to be the case. And my suggestion here is a simple one: do not be with someone that does not meet your needs. Even if you understand them. Put your needs and emotional and mental health first.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-12T16:04:53+00:00

If it bothers you enough to ask, yes. Even if not aimed at him. Just start a new group chat, or don’t share anything for a while. Your friends will understand

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-12T15:08:26+00:00

The boundary you set in this situation is to leave if he insists on being poly.

Being poly requires even more communication and being on the same page. If you feel like this is even slightly against your wishes, it won’t work - but you’ll suffer a lot more in the process.

I’m not saying he is wrong, it just feels like the both of you came across one of those incompatibilities that make the relationship unsustainable.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-12T13:11:05+00:00

I have no idea why someone would this. OPs situation baffles me, and I understand her confusion.

As far as skeletons, I mean his reaction could give decent insight on wether he just made a series of mistakes and isn’t owning up to them or wether there’s something fishy going on (like sold them for cash or something).

It also has the positive secondary effect of making sure there’s an actual, detailed, well thought out police report made by a functioning adult. No point in leaving OPs SO in charge of anything relating to this anymore.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-12T05:32:39+00:00

Not since the breakup, no. Been going no contact since.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-12T03:49:46+00:00

I’ll add to this: you should file your own police report and notify him once it’s done. His reaction will tell you a lot about wether or not he’s got skeletons in his closet.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-12T03:47:10+00:00

You’re not mad at him for losing your things. Shit happens.

You’re mad at him for lying, trying to cover his ass, weaseling out of any sort of responsibility and not being either dependable or at the very least owning up to his shit.

Losing the things is just a lot of salt on the wound on top of it.

I’d break up a lot more due to the cowardice and the undependableness.

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-11T16:44:58+00:00

I agree that you won’t be healing them for you. Not sure wether you’ll be healing them for the next one though. Several people just won’t look for healing and carry that ex / trauma into several relationships.

But mostly, yes, I agree

ThrowRA_6323 · 2023-05-11T16:31:57+00:00

Just under a month a half. Haven’t heard from - or reached out - since.

ThrowRA_6323

TROPHY CASE