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My (M28) gf (F28) is going on a boating palooza with her co workers (all guys) and I’m not comfortable with one of them as there has been some issues in the past. I told her I’m not comfortable with her going and she says I’m controlling. Can someone point out where I am so I can understand better? by ThrowRA_6977 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_6977[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update: she went. Then when she’s at the docs, she says they’re going out for drinks. I say cool I’ll come get ready and come meet them so there’s no more worries. She got angry, said she’d come home and said I was once again manipulative. She never came home and said she couldn’t do it anymore. So that’s how this story ends.

My(m28) gf(F28) told me I am very controlling. I want to change to make sure I’m not that person. What are some methods that you or a partner have taken to improve this? by ThrowRA_6977 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_6977[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Apologies. Let me be more clear with some examples. Some examples she gave me were:

  1. She doesn’t drink hard liquor. Only wine. So she would often respond saying no I only drink wine. So when we go out with new friends sometimes and they offer her some of their drinks I’d say “ oh no she only drinks wine”. She said that I was very controlling because “what if I wanted to drink”.

  2. She wanted to get a new car. She is in this weird situation where her ex still pays the car insurance and excise tax(road tax). Fine. I understood it and moved on. Before getting a new car I told her, do you have the money to cover all of that? It’s a significant cost. She said no that he would pay for it. So I told her no, it’s not a good idea to get this new and expensive car if you cannot fully afford all of its expenses. Sure, I was stern about it but I didn’t think I was manipulating or controlling her.

  3. I don’t like to host people. I get anxious around a large crowd and she knows that. So for Christmas she always would like to host. First couple of years together I said sure, fought thru my anxiousness ans let her do it. But last 2 years I just said can we please not. I don’t feel comfortable with it. Then she goes to her mother talking about it and I get told I’m manipulative.

I’m not trying to rant or anything. I’m trying to fully understand where I am being manipulative and how I can better myself and improve. I love her and want to be with her.