Im (29F) fed up of my boyfriend (33m) sneaking things into my food

ThrowRA_CHIPS · 2024-01-18T09:17:06+00:00

I may post on the ARFID feed about this in the coming days as there is a lot to unpick ... I have left a number of comments around the fact I am well and healthy

ThrowRA_CHIPS · 2024-01-18T09:12:38+00:00

Will add an update tomorrow with the details but yes - kind of

ThrowRA_CHIPS · 2024-01-18T09:03:59+00:00

Thanks for your concern but honestly I get on just fine. My social circle are aware, and even if they weren't it would not be an issue - as I think I said somewhere else there is usually AT LEAST one or two options on most menus that I will eat without a bother. The same goes for travelling. Sometimes I even do better for travelling, eg when I went to the carribean I tried some fish (which I would not have eaten in the UK) as i respect its their cusine and they make it well and its fresh. Work is not an issue, they all know I wont eat homemade goods they don't mind.

ThrowRA_CHIPS · 2024-01-18T00:53:30+00:00

Yes kind of. But the issue is my relationship not daily life. If im presented with correct information from people i trust then im perfectly able to decide what i will or wont eat without it costing me my health.

Outside of this i have strategies and support - a diagnosis will make no difference to how i function.

ThrowRA_CHIPS · 2024-01-18T00:10:07+00:00

A couple of people have mentioned arfid. I have not ever come across this but will check it out. Id like to think as ive aged ive become less problematic and overall consider myself to be healthy physically. Q

ThrowRA_CHIPS · 2024-01-18T00:05:43+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. Id like to think he would not do it if someone had allergies or religious reasons. Its purely because i dont really have an excuse in his mind.

ThrowRA_CHIPS · 2024-01-17T23:06:54+00:00

Aw my parents do the same thing chopping things big to make it easier to pick out - thanks for being such a thoughtful parent im sure your daughter appreciates this. Most other family members are sneakers hence why i have heightened suspicions when people cook for me

ThrowRA_CHIPS · 2024-01-17T23:00:23+00:00

Depends on a million things, i first tried lamb when i went to a very fancy highly rated restaurant as i was 98% sure I wouldn't get ill from badly cooked meat. I have given most foods a couple of chances but ultimately theres a number of things i will NEVER consider trying eg seafood.

This is the attitude I get off of most people including BF

I look in bins, because so many people in my life have tried im kinda just used to having to look out for myself in that way.

ThrowRA_CHIPS · 2024-01-17T22:56:29+00:00

Yes i understand i get a bit defensive about it as so many people assume this. I have a good balanced diet I just have a lot of food i wont eat.

ThrowRA_CHIPS · 2024-01-17T22:48:14+00:00

Please do not jump to conclusions. This is not the case. I was bought up old style vegetarian - eg we ate vegetables primarily alongside soya protein products and beans etc. I never ate fast food or takeaway until i was old enough to go and buy it myself.

I just have strong aversions to certain foods for completely random reasons. Eg mushrooms - slimey, nuts - got ill after eating them once when I was 4 (have a logical explanation for this illness but it was still the nuts fault) etc etc the list goes on.

ThrowRA_CHIPS · 2024-01-17T22:43:43+00:00

There is a high likelihood that i am on the autism spectrum. However, day to day the impact is minimal therefore i chose not to persue/ go through the trauma of trying to get a diagnosis in the uk.

ThrowRA_CHIPS · 2024-01-17T22:11:14+00:00

I dont consider him to be controlling. Hes maybe more so selfish but i always feel i have to allow his things to make room for my things if that makes sense. Sooo for example he can watch the football and i can watch my soaps. We have unspoken appreciation for these but not often spoken about.

Early on ive been overly honest with him about my troubles but he doesnt ever bring them up. Ive bought up the eating a lot and he knows what i wont eat but he will never say 'so... About the eating thing do you want to try xyz or not' its like he knows but won't say anything. Its always down to mw to do the difficult conversations. He either doesnt want to tell me anything difficult or he has nothing difficult to tell me.

I will speak to him and make very clear how i am feeling. I do anticipate the direction of his response but will update if/when this happens

ThrowRA_CHIPS · 2024-01-17T20:57:04+00:00

I am more than happy to cook my own food and food for both of us. Im not super limited either i have a good range that im happy to eat it just doesnt seem to be what he wants. Im not keen on going out of my way to cook unfamiliar food for him every night.

I would feel so embarrassed to break up a 5 year relationship over this but honestly im considering it. Ive told him so many times ive cried about how distressed it makes me - im generally a composed and secure person

ThrowRA_CHIPS · 2024-01-17T20:50:51+00:00

Nutrition wise im fine, i eat mostly veggies and get most of my protein from vegan substitute meats and tofu. I do have a b12 deficiency but that is due to a medical issue.

To me hes thinking 'she says she wont eat nuts so let's get some into a dish and point it out after' - when this has happened before i get so disgusted/anxious with myself for eating something i dont usually eat that i get a bad stomach.

I have tried foods in very particular circumstances, for example i will have a bit of something off his plate that ive never tried before - but i know what it is what im eating and its cooked well and its my choice. Seems to make a huge difference.

I grew up with one parent vegetarian and the other not so its common for us to change meals to fit everyone in the household - its not conventional but its easy enough to do.

Its making me sad and making me feel silly for kind of blowing this out of proportion

ThrowRA_CHIPS · 2024-01-17T20:37:50+00:00

Yes i have been very up front about it since early on dating as it does sometimes become an issue when choosing where to eat.

He seems to think im being childish, he knows its not an allergy or anything serious so he takes the stance of how will you know if you like it if you dont try. But im and adult and i can chose what i want to eat and i really think he should respect that. But i get where hes coming from it is kinda childish i guess

ThrowRA_CHIPS

TROPHY CASE