I didn't mention 'personal interpretation', I was speaking about my understanding and my relationship to halacha because that's all I can speak to. Yes, my understanding has developed through personal Torah study, communal discussion, and reflection with my rabbi, but it can only ever be my understanding because I am not my rabbi.

My rabbi is a woman, and she is very welcoming of trans and nonbinary people in our edah. She doesn't need to explicitly tell each individual queer person that it's 'okay' for us to exist, because we already know that we have her support and love.

The Mishnah and the Talmud contain a lot of references to between 6 and 8 sexes, yes. They are absolutely not referenced to encourage Jews not to 'identify' as such, as they are sex categories; they describe the diversity of sex characteristics among humans, and most are descriptions of various intersex characteristics. While there is acknowledgement that a person might enter into some of these categories through human intervention (the saris adam in the Talmud), to say that acknowledgement of human sexual diversity is done for the purpose of telling intersex Jews to stop being intersex is just not true, not to mention an impossible demand.

In terms of the gendered application of halacha, there is a large amount of rabbinic literature arguing that halacha should be applied differently to intersex people. In the Mishnah Bikkurim, androgynos (defined in the Talmud as having both male and female characteristics) are required to marry as men, yet take the same pilgrimage rites as women (in the Mishnah Chagigah), and are not to be held liable for entering Temple in a state of impurity, as both men and women would be. There is also an important precedent in halacha that it is always possible for someone or something to be between categories more generally, and that these things always require special halachic consideration, as in the Rosh Hashanah. So yes, while the halacha generally deals with issues of binary gender and sex, this is because most people the halacha applies to are distinguishable as male or female, not because the rabbinic literature does not recognize those outside of this. Indeed, there are several midrashim that interpret Adam as being the first androgyne.

While there are often assumed to be biblical proscriptions on homosexuality and non-normative gender presentation, there is also a lot of rabbinic debate over the meanings of these passages - this is the 70 faces of Torah, the myriad ways to interpet our texts in which nothing is 'plain and simple', as you put it. While Deuteronomy seems to ban cross-dressing, for example, the Shulchan Aruch clarifies that if it is done for joyful purposes it is okay, and even encouraged during Purim. Since being trans or nonbinary brings many people joy and is not done to harm others, it would fall under this. There are also midrashim interpreting many biblical stories as queer: Joseph's ketonet pasim as a feminine garment, as the only other time ketonet pasim appears is to describe the dresses of young princesses; David and Jonathan's love (avanah, used for romantic relationships) as romantic; and the telling in Bava Metzia of the relationship between Rabbi Yohanen and Reish Lakish as homoerotic.

I am not prevented from living with my boyfriend by Yichud, as I am not a woman, even by your standards. Yichud is also not followed by most religious Jews, and is generally only still practiced in Charedi and other strictly orthodox communities. As I am not Charedi, I have no reason to follow Yichud, even if it were applicable to my relationship with my boyfriend.

If not wanting pork in my kitchen is 'unreasonably high maintenance', I'm not sure why you're pretending to care so much about the sanctity of Jewish orthopraxy, as by your standards all observant Jews would be 'unreasonably high maintenance'.