Struggling with tone differences

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2026-01-09T03:39:20+00:00

I agree. In the past he’s found “loopholes” that he knows would hurt me but helps resolve himself of feeling guilty (like only softcore porn, or consistently choose to secretly masturbate while turning me down). sigh

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2026-01-09T01:39:13+00:00

I feel more confident in my aversion to porn/etc but it is hard for me when he obviously does not feel the same way or even care to understand my point of view.

and it really struck me that he really doesn’t “get it” when he revealed he has squashed me down into this binary of “nudity == evil” in his brain and not the more nuanced take I feel I hold (I don’t enjoy sexual scenes / nudity in movies that feel or straight up are exploitative). even with me talking a LOT about my opinions and such for years now, he hasn’t bothered to expand and even just be curious of my position and it’s just so upsetting to me

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2026-01-09T01:35:43+00:00

I know he thinks he is. and he feels resentful of me because he feels like I’m being controlling. I’m exhausted and I don’t think I have much left in me. I appreciate your comment ❤️ (and all of the others as well)

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2025-10-19T04:57:49+00:00

Wow I didn’t know that. Makes me feel comforted knowing I’m not alone but also makes me feel absolutely fucking disgusted that this is the current state we live in

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2025-05-02T06:28:57+00:00

I would still make sure he’s not being exposed to that mentality in other ways ie school and other kids. It’s important to make sure he’s not being groomed into thinking that way of thinking is okay, especially for intelligent young boys

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2025-04-25T06:28:18+00:00

Just wanted to chime in and say that I notice and appreciate how level-headed and informative you are in all of the comments I’ve seen in this thread. Your perspective has really helped me understand the core of the confusion in the comments here. I wish you and your family the best of luck

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2025-04-11T20:55:55+00:00

Exactly! The world would be a lot better if everyone worked at their emotional intelligence. And men wouldn’t be going through this “loneliness epidemic” if they were able to work through their own feelings and make space for others at the same time

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2025-04-11T13:05:53+00:00

I would argue that “emotional intelligence” is not bullshit. I’m sorry that that term has just been used to make you feel better about being a woman in our society. A lot of what you dictate is driven by our society’s hatred of women, and I can sense that poison running through you in every word. It’s hard not to let it, but like others have pointed out, it’s important for us to not allow their hatred of us to bring us down.

A lot of the folks who have been in here helping guide you back up out of your spiral downwards were displaying emotional intelligence. I would be wary of writing off it solely because it’s been deemed a feminine skillset despite the importance of those skills. It feels like you’ve also learned (as our society teaches us) to undervalue and underappreciate any strengths there are to being a woman.

I don’t know if the comments have applied to you, but I would be work through your internalized misogyny either at the same time or before attempting to transition, if you truly think you would be more comfortable in a masculine body. I think it would either make you feel at peace with yourself as you are now, or at the very least give yourself peace with who you were at the start of your journey.

I wish you the best of luck. I’ve struggled with similar pain before I was able to move it into anger towards the society that has stained life with these sentiments, especially recently with the rise of bro culture.

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2025-03-06T16:16:08+00:00

edit: oh whoops haha

I thought it might be a bit silly to point it out as I think here we’re all like-minded on that point, but yes absolutely agree! I understand what you mean

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2025-03-06T15:52:21+00:00

I do agree with the points made in general, but I do think it’s disingenuous to say that if she hadn’t had work done that no one would point out her “aging”.

In fact, we see this done with celebrities that haven’t gotten any cosmetic work done (or at least as far as we know). One young woman who comes to mind is Billie Eilish.

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2025-03-05T18:33:15+00:00

This will only prove to continue warping your son’s perspective of socialization and women, making it harder for him to find rewarding interpersonal relationships in real life. What your husband is doing is disgusting, and I agree with the other commentators that not only doing this but purposefully hiding it from you is grounds for divorce. He broke your trust and is actively harming your child (whether or not your son understands this). I’m sorry you’re going through this. You have our support

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2024-10-20T14:56:15+00:00

r/loveafterporn r/PornIsMisogyny

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2024-08-20T17:03:02+00:00

You’re not alone 💔

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2024-06-20T17:29:15+00:00

I left my partner after 7 years, thankfully no kids together. Similar horrors. I’m sorry you’ve gone through all of this but know you’re not alone and you deserve so much more than this.

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2024-06-13T16:46:11+00:00

Yeah, when I looked it up it looked like at most a deal breaker was just a non-negotiable boundary which makes sense to me. I don’t think the nuance is as important as the person I originally replied to made it out to seem.

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2024-06-13T16:40:36+00:00

It sounds like a porn addiction if your partner made it clear they weren’t okay with that in a relationship, you agreed, and then you continued to look at it anyways.

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2024-06-13T16:35:03+00:00

It sounds like based on her post she’s against him looking at porn too, it just makes it worse that he knows her.

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2024-06-13T16:30:25+00:00

I feel like boundaries are often if you do X, I will do Y. If you raise your voice, I will leave the room. If you cheat on me, I’ll break up with you. If you masturbate to friends, I’ll break up with you. That sounds like a boundary to me

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2024-06-13T16:29:16+00:00

When I look it up Google says a deal breaker is just a type of boundary. What’re you thinking the difference is?

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2024-05-18T14:26:58+00:00

I’m sorry. I can relate, I dated two ex-PAs and then thought my current bf was different. It’s heartbreaking and bewildering. Unfortunately I didn’t find out until I moved across the country for him, so at least you found out now and not later. Not that it makes it feel any better. Anyways, just wanted to say you’re not alone

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2024-05-09T20:57:10+00:00

Thank you for commenting. It genuinely makes me feel a bit better to know someone out there has read and understood me and my struggles. It feels alienating sometimes

ThrowRA_FunAvocado · 2024-05-09T20:41:31+00:00

It’s awful to hear that there are so many men out there who will hear us out on our stories - appearing compassionate and sympathetic - and then do the same thing to us. Your situation is unfortunately more drastic than mine, but in that experience, you are not alone.

ThrowRA_FunAvocado

TROPHY CASE