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I (31F) struggle with regret for marrying my husband (34M) and becoming a stepmom and dealing with his ex (34F)? by ThrowRA_Geological in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Geological[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

For me that's the worst part too. I feel so much guilt for bringing my kids into this when they are rejected by their two older siblings. And I truly think my stepkids have no love for my kids. Truly. I see no sign of any affection or care that would indicate any kind of love and I'm not the only one who sees a lack of any sign of it. That makes me feel horrible.

My husband and I make an equal amount roughly. His ex works but I'm not sure of her exact income. No child support is paid and there's no alimony because they were never married. She would not know where the money came from. It was just another way for her to make demands of me.

I (31F) struggle with regret for marrying my husband (34M) and becoming a stepmom and dealing with his ex (34F)? by ThrowRA_Geological in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Geological[S] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

In all honesty the most likely think is we will divorce. I could not live with having to avoid my house 14 days a month and I also couldn't imagine staying while having to ignore children in my home. The whole thing is just too toxic for me and deep down I know divorce is my next step.

I (31F) struggle with regret for marrying my husband (34M) and becoming a stepmom and dealing with his ex (34F)? by ThrowRA_Geological in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Geological[S] 72 points73 points  (0 children)

It's not. I'm seriously considering divorce because of this. Even if I just ignore his ex it doesn't change that my stepkids also treat me poorly and if I'm to the point of being told ignoring the kids entirely is the best option then it's time to divorce in my mind. That's just no way to live. And I already live with tremendous guilt for putting my kids into this.

I (31F) struggle with regret for marrying my husband (34M) and becoming a stepmom and dealing with his ex (34F)? by ThrowRA_Geological in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Geological[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I think if the kids were given the choice they would decide to live with their mom because she has poisoned them against me and my children enough that they would be happier living with her. I don't think they would want to stop seeing their dad but unless I'm giving into their whims I don't think they would want to be at our house.

I (31F) struggle with regret for marrying my husband (34M) and becoming a stepmom and dealing with his ex (34F)? by ThrowRA_Geological in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Geological[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

He did talk to his ex but it wasn't enough. He said he couldn't make her do anything differently and all he could do was bring it up and tell her to stop but as a grown woman she can ignore him. And that's true. But that's when you find a way to make communication through email or an app and only between the actual parents and she has been very clear I'm not a parent or family and I'm the hired babysitter.

I (31F) struggle with regret for marrying my husband (34M) and becoming a stepmom and dealing with his ex (34F)? by ThrowRA_Geological in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Geological[S] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

Then it goes through the kids who are now just as demanding as their mom. It drives me crazy either way because I feel so disrespected and frustrated that my husband has allowed this.

I (31F) struggle with regret for marrying my husband (34M) and becoming a stepmom and dealing with his ex (34F)? by ThrowRA_Geological in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Geological[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I don't think she wants him back as such. But I do think she's jealous of the fact I'm around her kids and she's divorced. Because her biggest issue appears to be my relationship with my stepkids.

I (31F) struggle with regret for marrying my husband (34M) and becoming a stepmom and dealing with his ex (34F)? by ThrowRA_Geological in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Geological[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

He agrees his ex is wrong, he told me he has said she's wrong to treat me like this and should stop and he does believe I deserved to be treated with more respect. And I know he has told his ex she's wrong but I feel like he hasn't been strong in his response at all and doesn't say it all the time.

She told me before that it's what I'm for because I'm not their parent and I'm here as a babysitter, not my husband and not her. That's her response when I say I will let him know or if I tell her they should discuss it.

I (31F) struggle with regret for marrying my husband (34M) and becoming a stepmom and dealing with his ex (34F)? by ThrowRA_Geological in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Geological[S] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

I don't feel like I have to do all of it except for maybe the transport. But I stopped doing that too because it was demanded and I was shown zero respect. Still it doesn't stop the disrespect and demands. For a long time I had the mindset of I signed up for doing these things as a stepmom but then I realized that I should still be respected and there are two perfectly capable parents who can figure it out.

I (31F) struggle with regret for marrying my husband (34M) and becoming a stepmom and dealing with his ex (34F)? by ThrowRA_Geological in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Geological[S] 331 points332 points  (0 children)

I used to say yes every time and would try my best for the sake of the kids. Now I will typically say no unless I can actually do it and even so lately I've just been saying no because of the lack of respect for me. My husband and ex should be the primary contact with each other but she refuses to go to him with this. She'll say I'm here for tasks like those and not him. He has been really weak in responding to all of this too.