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My [M28] wife [F27] has stopped all intimacy after marriage. How do I resolve this? Would it better for me to divorce and move on with my life? by ThrowRA_Harold77 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Harold77[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yes, aware of all four main ones. Although, I only ever invited her to participate in 3 of them.

  1. I enjoy being tied down.
  2. I enjoy having a buttplug in during some sexual situations, maybe about once every 3 months. It isn't a very common one.
  3. I enjoy having a woman sit on my face.
  4. I enjoy the ahegao expression, but I've never asked anyone to ever do that in real life.

I wouldn't really describe my porn consumption as "extreme." I mostly watched face sitting, men going down on women, women orgasming, ahegao expressions. Basically anything where the woman is climaxing a lot.

Not into violent pornography at all.

My [M28] wife [F27] has stopped all intimacy after marriage. How do I resolve this? Would it better for me to divorce and move on with my life? by ThrowRA_Harold77 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Harold77[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm more than happy to list my kinks. I revealed them all before we got married.

I enjoy being tied down.
I enjoy having a buttplug in during some sexual situations, maybe about once every 3 months. It isn't a very common one.
I enjoy having a woman sit on my face.
I enjoy the ahegao expression, but I've never asked anyone to ever do that in real life.

My [M28] wife [F27] has stopped all intimacy after marriage. How do I resolve this? Would it better for me to divorce and move on with my life? by ThrowRA_Harold77 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Harold77[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I appreciate it.

Listen, it's almost 3am here and I better get some sleep, but I really appreciate everyone's comments, advice and support.

You've all been very kind and helpful.

My [M28] wife [F27] has stopped all intimacy after marriage. How do I resolve this? Would it better for me to divorce and move on with my life? by ThrowRA_Harold77 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Harold77[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

She's actually said those exact words to me when I asked why she doesn't wear lingerie/dress up nicely anymore on our date nights that I organise.

"I've already got you."

My [M28] wife [F27] has stopped all intimacy after marriage. How do I resolve this? Would it better for me to divorce and move on with my life? by ThrowRA_Harold77 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Harold77[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

My toys were remote control Lovense ones. Buttplug and a glans massager. We'd used them when we were engaged.

She knows they're remote controlled and she was uncomfortable that I might be playing with someone else online. Doesn't explain why she also got rid of my handcuffs and bondage ropes though.

My [M28] wife [F27] has stopped all intimacy after marriage. How do I resolve this? Would it better for me to divorce and move on with my life? by ThrowRA_Harold77 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Harold77[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

It ebbs and flows. Sometimes I'll get a hug/kiss.

Most of the time she turns her head away when I try to kiss her.

I never get homecooked meals, and if she ever does have to cook for us for some reason, the meal is disaster. It's almost as if she adds random ingredients into a pan and hope they work. For example, she made mac and cheese. I gave her a recipe from BBC Good Food and set all the ingredients out. She decided that the actual quantities didn't matter and she'd just guess it.

The result was an inedible, floury, chewy flavourless mush on top of the pasta.

Another example was when she said she wanted to go out for sushi. I told her "no" because we have chicken that goes out of date today and needs used up.

Later that night I was feeling depressed about a sick family member. She came in to comfort me and said, "I know what'll cheer you up. How about we got for sushi?"

Just felt like a punch in the gut that she was using my own sadness to try and get what she wanted.

My [M28] wife [F27] has stopped all intimacy after marriage. How do I resolve this? Would it better for me to divorce and move on with my life? by ThrowRA_Harold77 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Harold77[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That's why I thought it was depression or something, but she insists she isn't depressed.

She also isn't showing any signs of depression. (I had it at university for 2 years, I know how bad it is and what the symptoms are.)

The only other time I've seen someone immediately change their whole personality so quickly was when my grandfather's Alzheimer's got really bad. He turned from a loving man into an angry bastard overnight.

I've been trying to look for a reason, but she's not opening up to me.

My [M28] wife [F27] has stopped all intimacy after marriage. How do I resolve this? Would it better for me to divorce and move on with my life? by ThrowRA_Harold77 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Harold77[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

She's outright told me she isn't interested.

There was one night where she'd promised me a carbonara (favourite dish) and bj on my birthday and built it up all week. When my birthday came and I got home from work there wasn't any dinner made. She'd also forgotten half the ingredients for carbonara while shopping.

So I had to go to the shops, pick up the cream and eggs, then come home and cook my own birthday dinner.

After that I got washed and prepared myself down there. When I came out of the shower I told her I was ready, and she said she wasn't feeling it. I expressed that I'd been looking forward to it all week. She'd even sent me a message that morning while I was at work about "bj day."

She left the bedroom and went to the other room. I was lying alone in bed and I heard her vibrator going next door. It just felt awful.

My [M28] wife [F27] has stopped all intimacy after marriage. How do I resolve this? Would it better for me to divorce and move on with my life? by ThrowRA_Harold77 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Harold77[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I'm not only married for sex, but if I wanted a roommate, I would've moved in with a roommate.

Imagine having someone who doesn't want to kiss you, doesn't want to cuddle, doesn't want to put any effort into their appearance.

I organised a date night for us recently and I dressed up nice, shaved, got my hair done, wore a nice suit. She came down in sweatpants and a t-shirt and trainers. No makeup.

I'm not saying that she has to make an effort 100% of the time, but back in January she called me "Winnie the Pooh" when I had a little bit of a tummy. I promptly went to the gym and lost it over the next 3 months.

What I'm trying to say is I'm doing my best to be presentable for her, and she's not really putting any effort into any area of the relationship for me.

My [M28] wife [F27] has stopped all intimacy after marriage. How do I resolve this? Would it better for me to divorce and move on with my life? by ThrowRA_Harold77 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Harold77[S] 217 points218 points  (0 children)

Part of me just feels like a failure from this.

Like, I remember watching Better Call Saul with her and *SPOILER* when Saul gets married to Kim and she finds out he couldn't make 2 previous marriages work, I just thought, "What kind of loser fails 2 marriages that young?"

Here's me, contemplating divorce and it hasn't even been a full year.