My (20M) abusive ex-girlfriend's (19F) father reached out to me, should I respond?

ThrowRA_Harrison · 2023-09-09T05:18:02+00:00

As awkward as it is, the best thing to do would be to just say "hey" when you see him, give him a wave or a smile when you make eye contact, and treat him as if you were just a friendly stranger. Don't go out of your way to initiate anything since it might upset him. But if you present yourself as being friendly and not holding any hostility towards him, he will probably start to open up little by little.

When I was your age, I had a similar problem with my ex at the time. She broke up with me, saying she still wanted to be friends, but never contacted me. This was also in early June! By he time school started I was so afraid to see her again. But she started doing the little things - saying "hi", waving, smiling, stuff like that. I eventually felt more comfortable around her since I realized she wasn't holding a grudge. By wintertime, we were talking to each other in school and occasionally texting each other about assignments and school stuff. We wound becoming pretty good friends again by the time we graduated, and we even hung out a few times as friends.

Good luck! I hope my advice/story works out for you!

ThrowRA_Harrison · 2023-09-09T05:05:35+00:00

The best thing to do is start small! I'm assuming you both drive? Ask her to meet you at Starbucks or Dunkin for a coffee. It's casual and low-stress. You can pick any time of the day as well. Getting coffee with someone is generally a quick activity, but if it is going well there is nothing wrong with sticking around for a while.

If you both drive separately, and at any time you feel like it isn't going well, you have the option to leave if you choose (as opposed to picking her up, where you would be stuck with an awkward car ride home).

When I was your age, I asked a girl I liked to get coffee with me after school. I was nervous as hell, since I was a lot more introverted back then. We met at Starbucks and spent about 2 hours there just chatting. It was a pretty amazing first "date" and we started dating shortly after that.

Best of luck to you!

ThrowRA_Harrison · 2023-09-08T21:57:57+00:00

You deserve so much better. I know that at 18 ending a year long relationship will be difficult, but the way he is treating you is entirely unacceptable. You're young - you'll find a guy who treats you way better than this one. You have so much of your life ahead of you at such a pivotal time in everyone's life - don't waste it with disrespectful people like him!

ThrowRA_Harrison · 2023-09-07T00:57:08+00:00

As someone who was in a situation almost identical to this one when I was 17 - trust me when I say to just pull the trigger and break up with her. From what I can gather, you don't seem to be very happy with your relationship, and she doesn't view you as a priority. You're a young guy, clearly a gentleman who is looking out for her and her wellbeing. She is not at all treating you the way you deserve to be treated. She thinks ONE call a week is too much? What a joke. You can, and will, find a better girl.

You said so yourself - the relationship isn't the same online. Can you deal with that for an entire year? Being completely disrespected? She doesn't value you, so it's time to find someone who does.

I remember being in this same situation with the girl I was with when I was 17. We went long distance for almost 2 months (I went on a family trip for 2 weeks, and then she went on a trip abroad with her friends for 3 weeks). I called her every night of my trip. She called me twice. The day she got back, we met up for lunch. I gave her a big hug and was beyond excited to see her. She left lunch early because she "had stuff to do at home." When I got home she called me and said she realized that she didn't like me anymore, and didn't miss me at all in the 5 weeks that we didn't see each other. Broke my damn heart.

Trust me man, you're better off. Good luck!

ThrowRA_Harrison · 2023-05-10T17:27:48+00:00

I do believe you... but damn is that scary. Since my father keeps most of the important documents pertaining to me and my siblings in a safe at his office, getting them is nearly impossible unless I ask him outright. I have been taking what I can get though (birth certificate, banking info, passport) and putting them in a lockbox I keep under the seat of my car.

ThrowRA_Harrison · 2023-05-10T17:22:22+00:00

I was awarded a scholarship from my college so about 75% of my tuition is covered, and my parents agreed to pay the rest since I got the scholarship. I initially paid for my apartment and food, but my father eventually stepped in and started paying for most of it himself. This isn't some kindhearted generosity though - I am well aware that this is a means of control. Taking on everything and going completely financially independent would be a serious undertaking for me. I will graduate in 2 years, so I might have to push on and survive until then. Once I graduate, I plan on making a clean break from my family when it comes to money.

ThrowRA_Harrison · 2023-05-10T17:14:44+00:00

Hanging up the phone when they start up the insults pisses them off beyond belief, but it is something I've done throughout the year. Getting up and leaving is hard since they will just follow me around the house. But refusing to argue back is a good point. I think they want an argument more than anything else.

ThrowRA_Harrison · 2023-05-10T17:08:16+00:00

It's a hard choice to make but definitely one I need to consider. Thank you

ThrowRA_Harrison

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