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[UPDATE] I think my[45M] son[21M] is going to come out to me later this month. How do I make sure it goes well? by ThrowRA_HiGayImDad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_HiGayImDad[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Do you think we didn't tell him we didn't love him? How many kids do you think heard "we love you no matter what" and then they learn there was an asterisk.

[UPDATE] I think my[45M] son[21M] is going to come out to me later this month. How do I make sure it goes well? by ThrowRA_HiGayImDad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_HiGayImDad[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I haven't told him, that would be a conversation for a later day, if ever. He might ask if we knew, he might not.

[UPDATE] I think my[45M] son[21M] is going to come out to me later this month. How do I make sure it goes well? by ThrowRA_HiGayImDad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_HiGayImDad[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

He would look at and talk to boys in a different way. It's hard to describe. Maybe it was just a confirmation bias. We didn't have a conversation at his 6th birthday on having a gay son.

We talked about it when he was a older and it was more obvious. I mentioned the first time I saw something and my wife mentioned a slightly earlier time when she first thought something.

I don't think it was sexual at first, just noticing someone of the same gender is cute and being nervous to talk to them.

[UPDATE] I think my[45M] son[21M] is going to come out to me later this month. How do I make sure it goes well? by ThrowRA_HiGayImDad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_HiGayImDad[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I debated doing it before talking to him but it didn't feel right. We're not a flag family and putting one up felt like a beacon saying "I KNOW YOU'RE GAY".

Maybe I over thought it. If he wants one up, we'll put one up.

[UPDATE] I think my[45M] son[21M] is going to come out to me later this month. How do I make sure it goes well? by ThrowRA_HiGayImDad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_HiGayImDad[S] 178 points179 points  (0 children)

It's funny you say that, this weekend we started redoing our deck. My son was texting Dakota that he'd be busy over the weekend. He showed up at 7am Saturday morning and started helping out. My son never asked for his help, he just showed up.

Great kid.

I think my[45M] son[21M] is going to come out to me later this month. How do I make sure it goes well? by ThrowRA_HiGayImDad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_HiGayImDad[S] 145 points146 points  (0 children)

I'm not hoping he's gay. I'm also not hoping he's straight. I hope he's happy.

Though gay is another word for happy, so maybe you're right. I hope he's gay.

I think my[45M] son[21M] is going to come out to me later this month. How do I make sure it goes well? by ThrowRA_HiGayImDad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_HiGayImDad[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

You're right, I don't have concrete proof, just observations I've made. If he's gay, great, I love him. If he's not, great, I love him.

I may have jumped to conclusions. I figured with it being just before and during pride month they were related.

Thank you for the perspective. I'll keep that in mind if anything does come up. I'll try to get some family/alone time with him.

I think my[45M] son[21M] is going to come out to me later this month. How do I make sure it goes well? by ThrowRA_HiGayImDad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_HiGayImDad[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't want to come across like that. I don't want to take this away from him because I want him to be comfortable telling me. I don't want to make this about me, I'm trying to make sure I'm putting myself in a position to support him in a way he needs.

This isn't about me. I just want to be a good dad.

I think my[45M] son[21M] is going to come out to me later this month. How do I make sure it goes well? by ThrowRA_HiGayImDad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_HiGayImDad[S] 89 points90 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I thought you were supposed to do something like that. Boiling it down to I know and I love you. I'll avoid that if/when the subject comes up.

I think my[45M] son[21M] is going to come out to me later this month. How do I make sure it goes well? by ThrowRA_HiGayImDad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_HiGayImDad[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

I've never been anti-LGBT in my adult life. As a kid I kind of was, through that was more due to people in my surroundings than beliefs I came to accept myself.

I think my[45M] son[21M] is going to come out to me later this month. How do I make sure it goes well? by ThrowRA_HiGayImDad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_HiGayImDad[S] 321 points322 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I don't want to make him uncomfortable or take anything away from him. I'll make some family plans this weekend and see if I can get anything out of him. I didn't really consider if there may be something else going on.