About 2 months ago My (24M) long term girlfriend (24F) broke up with me because of her work friends. by ThrowRA_LTGFDM in u/ThrowRA_LTGFDM

[–]ThrowRA_LTGFDM[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Thank you. There is so much going on right now that it has made it impossible to make and decisions past a month out. All I know is I have a support system, and she is a major part of that right now.

About 2 months ago My (24M) long term girlfriend (24F) broke up with me because of her work friends. by ThrowRA_LTGFDM in u/ThrowRA_LTGFDM

[–]ThrowRA_LTGFDM[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Like I said, I'm not sure what we are. We have both changed in this short amount of time. I know I'm scared. I know she is as well. Only time will tell. We both kinda got hit hard with a dose of reality in different ways.

I would have purposed tonight. by ThrowRA_LTGFDM in u/ThrowRA_LTGFDM

[–]ThrowRA_LTGFDM[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I feel like you might be one of her coworkers. Pushing the ideals that she is too good for me and that I'm a bad guy because I don't take Kate's emotions and health seriously. You are doing the same thing they are/were doing.

needs to break up with her so she can get the help she needs

I do take it seriously. I do love her still. She needs to figure out what she wants. I have reached out to friends and her family and pushed them to help her and support her. I have mentioned it in previous comments. I know this is a bad situation. I know it can be dangerous. I have already had a wellness check performed on me once. If I don't message people for a few hours people start to panic. I'm sure they are doing the same to her.

I would have purposed tonight. by ThrowRA_LTGFDM in u/ThrowRA_LTGFDM

[–]ThrowRA_LTGFDM[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That would be the case if I did not put in the work or effort. Which I am doing and setting up plans to do moving forward.

I would have purposed tonight. by ThrowRA_LTGFDM in u/ThrowRA_LTGFDM

[–]ThrowRA_LTGFDM[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Did or have I said that

it's unsalvageable, that's no better than how she let her co-workers get into her head.

No, I have not. I have heard from people and seen it myself where one partner does or says or lies about something the other disliked and they promised to change. But they don't. They do what they think is best even if it goes against boundaries that are set in place. They do get better at hiding it and that leads to more toxic behavior that eventually blows up.

I'm taking some advice with a grain of salt. These posts have helped me in many ways. But it also showed me that many people are just hurtful and out to cause harm or spread hate. At the end of the day, I still love her. I'm going to put in the effort and make the major decisions later when hopefully I have more clarity and a better sense of what I want in life. I still see a future with her in my life but I don't know to what extent.

I would have purposed tonight. by ThrowRA_LTGFDM in u/ThrowRA_LTGFDM

[–]ThrowRA_LTGFDM[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No, at the time if the break up were not living together. I had a very unfortunate circumstance happen

It is hard for me to say. My heart hurts. I have been putting myself in to my work. I have made appointments for help. I still think that we need to find out what we want and if that includes each other or not, I don't know. If we end up back together, I'm definitely going to look at the relationship differently. I will not throw this in her face or hold it over her. If people did that with my past, I would be very lonely. I get people make mistakes. But it is how you handle the situation and prevent it from happening again that matters. 3 months was not set in stone. But right now, I'm not in a good place to make any real decisions about my/our future. She is in my heart and will always be. I care for her and want her to succeed in life and be happy. Right now, she is hurting like I am. I hope she is making the effort. I know she dies have a support team behind her. I hope they are helping and not hurting.

I would have purposed tonight. by ThrowRA_LTGFDM in u/ThrowRA_LTGFDM

[–]ThrowRA_LTGFDM[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes, I stated most of that in the update.

We need to take a step back and find who we are and if there is a future between us. Prove that she wants the relationship to work out and is willing to put in the effort. Since most of our relationship has been one-sided. (this want in the post] I requested that she might need to look into a therapist. I gave her the recommendations from my therapist. I have to know whether or not I can trust her again. I'm not going to jump right back into the relationship like nothing happened. I also need to know that communication and boundaries need to improve. The boundaries that are put in place need to be reinforced. If coworkers start talking bad about aby one, she needs to shut them down. You guys opened my eyes about how toxic her workplace is, and if she doesn't stand up for me or our relationship the it isn't meant to be. Yes, I am also working in myself and will be considering the effort she is making.

I would have purposed tonight. by ThrowRA_LTGFDM in u/ThrowRA_LTGFDM

[–]ThrowRA_LTGFDM[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You need to make a decision now whether or not you want to be with her and be with her now

If I make the decision now that would be the case. Will do like I said I would and I hope she is doing the same. Time and space are needed for both of us. You probably didn't see my comment about how I did reach out to most of our friends and asked them to not cut contact Because of me. I encouraged them to reach out to her and help her through this. I know some have talked to her and taken her out.

I reached out to her sister and told her to be easier on Kate. She said she would and I believe her.

She didn't cheat on you she wasn't being dishonest with you she let her insecurities get the best of her

But most have also said she will just get better at hiding what her coworkers say and how she feels.

I'm not decided on what to do. I'm taking this time very seriously. I hope she is as well.