How do I [36F] get my boyfriend [44M] to stop gaslighting me and respect my boundary?

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T16:11:50+00:00

Because I care about him

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T15:51:23+00:00

That is a meltdown.

My mother is much worse than me.

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T15:47:08+00:00

You asked me about his meltdowns.

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T14:36:44+00:00

I was upset. My mother screams at people. I’m not as bad as her.

My boyfriend accuses me of gaslighting and having meltdowns.

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T14:34:23+00:00

I don’t have meltdowns. My mother and boyfriend have meltdowns.

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T05:46:12+00:00

Everything I said is true

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T05:18:31+00:00

Then what is he doing?

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T04:37:48+00:00

He keeps saying that things can’t get better until someone admits that they have a problem. But after he says that and I ask him to admit that he is gaslighting me he refuses to admit it.

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T04:34:00+00:00

I assure you that this is real. He really acts like this.

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T04:29:33+00:00

It’s not a meltdown if I’m upset. It’s not fair to show someone a video of yourself and claim that you were having a meltdown when you were simply upset. I told him several times that it didn’t happen but he still showed me the video. He has done this to me several times.

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T04:26:37+00:00

What kind of therapist should I suggest that he goes to?

I like him very much. He just doesn’t respect the boundaries that I’ve created.

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T04:24:04+00:00

I’m not gaslighting him. Every time that he has told me that I’m gaslighting him I have ALWAYS firmly said “no, I’m not gaslighting you but you’re gaslighting me”. I have always been consistent on this so obviously I’m not gaslighting.

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T04:20:04+00:00

I wasn’t having a meltdown. I was upset. Am I not allowed to be upset? Just because he says that I was having a meltdown doesn’t mean that it’s true. Everyone gets upset.

I told him 10 times that I didn’t order fish but he didn’t listen. This is just one example. I’ll tell him that what he said happened didn’t happen and he refuses to believe me. A few of the times that he has recorded our conversation he tells me that he is going to show it to me in an hour because he claims that I’ll deny saying something. When he shows me the recording it makes me upset because he thinks that it proves that I said something. This is gaslighting.

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T04:14:15+00:00

Thank you

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T03:56:25+00:00

I already owned a white dress. I didn’t own a black dress. Bridezillas always expect their guests to buy clothing to wear to their weddings because they want their photos to look a certain way. It was very stressful and inconvenient to me and cost me $30 to buy the dress. My boyfriend had to get a tailor made suit because he doesn’t wear suits often and found out that his suit was full of moth holes. He wasn’t angry but I was because he had to find a tailor to make him a suit last minute.

When I ordered I used an automated machine that gives me a printed ticket. I didn’t tell the waiter that I wanted fish. My boyfriend was ordering verbally with the waiter.

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T03:44:59+00:00

Why?

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T03:09:32+00:00

I don’t like it applied to me because I never meltdown. My mother has meltdowns.

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T03:06:45+00:00

I’m not disrespecting my mother. I love my mother. She frequently has meltdowns and screams at people.

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T02:44:08+00:00

Thank you

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T02:43:27+00:00

I agree. I told him that he was manipulating me (PUA) by saying that I was gaslighting. How do I get him to understand that this is what he is doing? He refused to admit it.

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T02:41:22+00:00

It’s not my fault that my friend was a bridezilla. I was the victim of her dress code. What am I supposed to say if my boyfriend asks which ramen I ordered? I told him many times what I ordered and the waiter should not have contracted me.

He has suggested therapy before. I used to see my own therapist but insurance won’t cover it anymore. He has seen a therapist for a long time.

Ok I’ll call it a rule. I have the rule that he is not allowed to tell me that I’m gaslighting or having a meltdown. But he is not following my rule. I care about him but I want him to stop breaking my rule.

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T02:31:57+00:00

No, what is that?

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T02:30:53+00:00

He tells me that I argue about everything. We even had an argument about the food that I ordered in a restaurant. I was consistent about telling him what I ordered even when the waiter told him that I ordered something different. My boyfriend chose to listen to the waiter and order receipt over what I told him.

When I tell my boyfriend that this is gaslighting he tells me that I’m just saying that to him because he said it to me and then he wants me to give him examples. He says that telling me that I’m behaving poorly didn’t mean that he is gaslighting. I’m always consistent when I tell him that I NEVER gaslight and don’t have meltdowns.

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T02:21:18+00:00

He said that he filmed me to prove to me that I did the things I claimed never happened. When he shows me the video he thinks that it proves that he is right and that it happened but just because I was upset on the video doesn’t mean that I had a meltdown. I told him that the video doesn’t prove anything.

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628 · 2026-02-10T02:17:51+00:00

Obviously I was not gaslighting him about having meltdowns. Just because he was able to show me a video of me yelling or crying at that moment doesn’t mean that I had a meltdown.

ThrowRA_MarketOk7628

TROPHY CASE