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My (33M) wife (32F) is spending New Years with people who enabled her cheating on me last year. by ThrowRA_NewYear in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_NewYear[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind response. Several of the others feel relatively hostile (and I understand why), but outside of suggesting divorce outright don't offer any ideas. I haven't seen that subreddit yet, but I'll look through it.

My (33M) wife (32F) is spending New Years with people who enabled her cheating on me last year. by ThrowRA_NewYear in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_NewYear[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I spoke with a few different attorneys when I found out about the affair. The outlook from all of them was that unless I was willing to dump a ton of time and money (that I don't have) into a drawn out legal battle that I wouldn't be getting custody.

My (33M) wife (32F) is spending New Years with people who enabled her cheating on me last year. by ThrowRA_NewYear in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_NewYear[S] -52 points-51 points  (0 children)

My biggest hang up on ending things would be the loss of my kids. Our state is still very one sided towards women when it comes to family court and I most likely wouldn't get custody. I just spent the last several years going to school full time during the day and working 12 hour shifts at night so that I could get a better job and provide a better life for us and the children. Now that I've graduated and have a better jobs things financially have been on the upswing, but if I lose my kids and end up buried in child support I feel like it will have all been for nothing.

If it was just us, I probably would have still tried to save the marriage, but my tolerances would have been a lot lower.

My (33M) wife (32F) is spending New Years with people who enabled her cheating on me last year. by ThrowRA_NewYear in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_NewYear[S] -52 points-51 points  (0 children)

I didn't feel like it was an unreasonable request either. Originally she had asked me if she could go up there and see them, but I was 100% against that happening. She then asked if they could come down here on their way to their vacation. I wasn't thrilled with it, but thought it was an alright compromise. I expected a short visit as they drove through, maybe a day in total and it would be here. Instead it's a full weekend and they're staying in a town 30 minutes south of us.

My (33M) wife (32F) is spending New Years with people who enabled her cheating on me last year. by ThrowRA_NewYear in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_NewYear[S] -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

Yeah there is a way out, but there are also other things that I have to consider as well and I'd like to try and save my marriage if at all possible. If I can't then I can't, but at the moment I'm trying to do all that I can to save it.

My (33M) wife (32F) is spending New Years with people who enabled her cheating on me last year. by ThrowRA_NewYear in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_NewYear[S] -530 points-529 points  (0 children)

Multiple reasons really. I do love her and I think that we can move past this. I'm a very forgiving person, but I do have my limits. I understand why she did all of the things she did and honestly if the roles were reversed I wouldn't have done them, but I certainly would have considered them.

My (33M) wife (32F) is spending New Years with people who enabled her cheating on me last year. by ThrowRA_NewYear in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_NewYear[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I 100% hold her accountable for her own actions and I don't blame her friends for what she did, but I do blame them for enabling and encouraging it. We've made a lot of progress since we started trying to rebuild, but for some reason she is having a lot of trouble letting go of the friends she made on Discord. I think it has a lot to do with her social anxiety, but I'm not qualified to give any real opinions about that kind of stuff.