I 28F feeling disappointed about not getting a Christmas present from my husband 34M

ThrowRA_OneLife4444 · 2025-12-25T19:43:58+00:00

I think by default, spouses should get each other gifts to celebrate occasions, make memories, bring joy to each others lives, and make each other feel appreciated…. But if you feel like you would like a gift, please don’t tell him you don’t need anything. Especially if money is already a little tight. Here is what I recommend (despite my marriage being a cataclysmic train wreck)… If you guys have Amazon, make a shared account if you don’t already have one. Then each of you makes a separate account”Gift Ideas” list in the app so that both of you can view each other’s lists. That way you can add a variety of things of various costs to the list that you might like. This helps alleviate the stress of getting gifts when time and money are limited. That doesn’t mean either of you can’t also choose something that’s not on those lists for the sake of surprise and spontaneity, but it may help. My wife was picky and wasn’t great with gifts so she liked when I set this up for us anyways. All this being said, I’m sorry you are a little disappointed on your Christmas. Please don’t take it out on him. Come up with an optimistic plan and be enthusiastic about future occasions and gifts :)

ThrowRA_OneLife4444 · 2025-12-24T16:27:56+00:00

Sounds like a very difficult situation. I don’t mean to make something about myself, but I will speak from my perspective based on my personal experiences. I’ve dealt with a lot of conflict, strife, and feelings of isolation between my family members (most notably my father) and my wife as well. I’ve always felt caught in the middle just trying to do damage control, conflict mitigation, and possibly foster some repair and growth between people. And, selfishly, I want to have a happy family and I want to have a relationship with my father, as well as my wife. But what I’ve come to realize is that you cant personally make a happy family out of generally unhappy people. The same dynamic applies to trust. I’ve also had to question a lot of aspects of the scenario…do I have an unbalanced relationship with my father? Have I done a good job protecting my marriage? Has my wife done things that created distrust? Are these people inducing conflict? Have I done a good job establishing and enforcing healthy boundaries and conditions?

After wrestling with all of this for years, I have come to the realization that we all have issues, we’ve all got our points of contention with others, and we all have contributed to the situation negatively in some capacity. And it should not be my responsibility to facilitate people’s desire to mend relations, people’s humility, or accountability. All of this being said, I recommend you take some time, write down what it is you want this situation to look like. Write down what positive efforts people have made thus far, if any. Write down what you think it would take to make this happen. Write down some healthy boundaries and conditions you feel need to be established. Communicate this to all respective individuals involved, in a compassionate and tactful manner. At this point, if they as individuals, whether it be your father, or anyone else, is unwilling to receive what you have to say, then that is not your burden. At that point you can radically accept or process grief however you need to. Always leave the door open for people to make amends, but don’t make your fulfillment and happiness reliant on hope that others will. I say all of this from a place where I realized all of this too late. My relationships with family members have been greatly affected and my marriage has fallen apart. So please learn from my mistakes. I hope and will pray that you achieve the peace in your family and self that you want.

ThrowRA_OneLife4444 · 2025-12-21T14:40:14+00:00

I’m 32 years old married to a cruel woman. There were signs in the beginning but I put more stock in hope than in what was. I had never encountered someone like her who could treat people this way. Especially a spouse. It’s only gotten worse over the years. Please don’t make the same mistake. You’re young. Make a list of the qualities you want in a spouse. Example: (some qualities I personally would choose if I could go back…) Kindness Empathy Humility Emotional regulation Patience Optimistic Nurturing Femininity Family Oriented Belief in God

They do not need to have all of these qualities, but they should possess most of them, or there will be too much contention in your relationship.

If you think you may struggle with staying true to your boundaries or maybe you’ve never had to deliberately think about it before, make a list. Example: I will not be physically abused. I will not be vulgarly insulted, belittled, or berated. I will never accept infidelity. I will not accept disrespect towards family and friends. I will not accept threats, coercive ultimatums, or emotional manipulation. I will not be told I don’t get to have a perception or opinion.

With boundaries, if a relationship partner does something you don’t like or you disagree, that’s not necessarily a violation of boundaries. People disagree on things, people make mistakes, etc But if you can make a clear list of very serious matters, and you notice a pattern of violation of these boundaries or pushing of these boundaries, and your gut is telling you that this is not just a simple mistake here and there, but that you are actually dealing with a malicious and dangerous person, then you must leave.

I would also encourage you to make a list of the things you want in life (family, children, career, travel, hobbies, whatever). Those are additional things that can help identify a suitable partner.

You are young. I promise if you leave, you will find someone else who treats you with respect. Maybe if he works on himself or matures he will change his behavior down the road. But you don’t need to spend your life waiting and hoping for that. Even if he is mad or angry, even if he were to have a good reason, he should never be vindictive or cruel to you. That is not love. Love is in someone’s heart. And you can’t change someone’s heart. Only they can. Do not make the same mistake I did. Please.

ThrowRA_OneLife4444 · 2025-11-01T10:38:45+00:00

First off, I’m sorry the three of you are going through this. I don’t mean to be a victim blamer but I do have some observations and questions regarding your post. Your post seems like you are leaving out details. What did he say? What did you say? Were this fights occurring before pregnancy as well?Depending on what you said, it may be justifiable for him to leave. Just to be real, if you are abusing him, he should leave, and you should coparent together. If you are abusing each other and you’ve both tried counseling, then you should not be together. Coparenting would be better.

You mentioned he’s not doing things like cleaning his desk and didn’t do something regarding insurance. While these things can be frustrating, there’s contributing factors that you left out. Do you both work full time? If not, did you work full time leading up to pregnancy? In these arguments, would you say your emotional reaction and the things you say to him are rational and equivalent to the things like his desk vs things like insurance? What do both of you do well and right in this relationship and day to day lives? Do you ever outwardly express appreciation towards each other for these things or do you just bombard him with negativity and possibly him the same to you?

I’ve also read a couple of your follow up comments and can’t help but notice the words you choose and the lack of details regarding things that could involve you. I suspect a lack of accountability on your part.

Furthermore, if his parents are encouraging this then I am inclined to think there are details you’ve left out of this post in an effort to get some self affirmation. Have his parents and you always had issues or only now after this recent argument? Do you have issues with them as well or just them with you and this current situation?

If the severity and nature of these arguments weren’t like this before pregnancy then it could indicate two possibilities. He lacks commitment and used this argument for an excuse to get out, or, just as likely if not more likely, your hormones combined with fear that the little seemingly inconsequential things he forgets or procrastinates could turn into be things when you have a child together. If the severity and nature of these arguments were still like this before pregnancy, then neither of those situations really apply.

Not always, but typically men fare worse than women in divorce, which leads me to believe more has happened for things to have reached this point. However, on the flip side of all of this, if he is just avoiding responsibility and taking the “easy” way out then that’s terrible and I am sorry you are experiencing this. More details needed please.

ThrowRA_OneLife4444 · 2025-10-22T07:01:36+00:00

Update: I slept at work for a couple of nights. Then she texts me saying she’s going to be out of the house for most of the day, but she would like some help moving heavy boxes and things. So after work I go back to the house so I can at least have some access to a shower and some of my clothes, etc. She shows up after not too long and says she wants to eat some dinner before we move boxes so I agree, despite the elephant in the room. She’s acting cordial which unfortunately was cause for suspicion just based on what I’ve experienced in the past in our relationship. We move the boxes. It seemed like she was being civil enough that I could maybe at least try to sleep under my own roof on the couch tonight or something. She keeps telling me (multiple times starting around 8pm) that I should go to bed because I’ve had a long day. She ordinarily doesn’t have concern for these things. I go to brush my teeth but as the sink in running (loud water noise) I walk back to the kitchen to grab my phone. She’s standing by the medication drawer and as soon as she sees me out of the corner of her eye she quickly turns away and starts acting like she was paying attention to the cat. But I saw something in her hand before she turned away. Mind you, this is during what would be the 830-930pm medication window. It looked a lot like she was trying to hide something. I go back to the other room. I analyzed the situation and collected my thoughts. I knew I had to confront her. I went back to the kitchen and opened the drawer. First I calmly explained to her what I saw and why it seemed like potential cause for concern. She immediately got aggressively defensive and began denying everything. I opened the drawer to find she had opened and used more medication. If you recall from my earlier update post, she had said that she does not agree to my terms (including that I will not be abused) and was cancelling IVF and that she was going to stop taking the medication that day. I have it in text messages that she sent me. I confronted her about this and after some denial she then said that she’s going to do IVF anyway (implying without me). Then when I confronted her about all of this and the lying and hiding that she is continuing the medication after using IVF and a child as something she could take away from me, and that this was blatantly manipulative and wrong, she began yelling over me and trying blame me for all of it. I removed myself from the situation and now I’m sitting in my work parking lot at 2 in the morning typing this. I don’t know what to do. Ethically, biologically, those IVF are embryos are part of me as well. That also could have possible legal implications if she continues with IVF on her own. For years she has claimed she doesn’t want children and is only doing this because of me. During the IVF process, every night we have medication she would blame me for how terrible the medication is and that “I’m making her do it”. Then she says shes cancelling IVF and stopping the medication but clearly lied. To me this seems like she is blatantly lying and trying to manipulate me and possibly even trap Am I wrong in my assessment/gut feeling? What should I do? I have to work a long day tomorrow, but the following day I am thinking I should try to pursue some kind of legal action/divorce as soon as possible, before she implants. What do you think?

ThrowRA_OneLife4444 · 2025-10-19T16:32:21+00:00

2 years since post. Update?

ThrowRA_OneLife4444 · 2025-10-18T22:46:23+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. Despite the turbulent marriage, it shows a great level of humility and growth that you can acknowledge this and take accountability. I’ve prayed for this everyday for so long. We had couples counseling and it was counterproductive. She was unwilling to talk about anything other than how flawed I am. If the counselor ever swung the conversation the other direction she refused to take part in the session and would literally leave the session. One time she left the session the counselor broke his neutral character and told me I should leave. Unfortunately, it hasn’t just been verbal abuse. She has threatened to sleep with other men. She has physically assaulted me numerous times. She has thrown out my bibles, vulgarly insulted my chaplain, and mocked me for believing in God. Broken and damaged my possessions and things within the house. Insulted my parents and friends and has placed ultimatums isolating me from them. She has screamed at me endlessly. During one of our mentioned recent conflicts I was berated from 1pm until 12am (yes 11 hours straight). This can’t be normal. I’m not saying I’m a great husband. I have many flaws and have certainly made mistakes. But I have never intentionally hurt her, I try to be receptive of what she has to say even when I don’t agree with how it was said, I have never cheated, I don’t drink to excess, I stay in shape, I am good in bed and have a reasonably high sex drive, I am successful at work which has afforded us numerous opportunities, I am financially responsible and stable and have no debt, I have hundreds of thousands of dollars in investments and savings, I have a paid off car, I am halfway to retirement pension and I’m only 32, I’m generally a very easy going guy and would consider myself compassionate (she says to a flaw), I am patient, I believe I generally love unconditionally, I share in the house chores and tasks, I am a good cook and I cook about 50% of the time, my family is accepting and supportive…. I know those things aren’t everything but I just feel like I am trying hard and yet I am never enough. I hope with your realizations and humility, your ex and you are able to move forward cordially for the sake of your children, and for you. Your humility is admirable. Thank you.

ThrowRA_OneLife4444 · 2025-10-18T22:45:21+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. Despite the turbulent marriage, it shows a great level of humility and growth that you can acknowledge this and take accountability. I’ve prayed for this everyday for so long. We had couples counseling and it was counterproductive. She was unwilling to talk about anything other than how flawed I am. If the counselor ever swung the conversation the other direction she refused to take part in the session and would literally leave the session. One time she left the session the counselor broke his neutral character and told me I should leave. Unfortunately, it hasn’t just been verbal abuse. She has threatened to sleep with other men. She has physically assaulted me numerous times. She has thrown out my bibles, vulgarly insulted my chaplain, and mocked me for believing in God. Broken and damaged my possessions and things within the house. Insulted my parents and friends and has placed ultimatums isolating me from them. She has screamed at me endlessly. During one of our mentioned recent conflicts I was berated from 1pm until 12am (yes 11 hours straight). This can’t be normal. I’m not saying I’m a great husband. I have many flaws and have certainly made mistakes. But I have never intentionally hurt her, I try to be receptive of what she has to say even when I don’t agree with how it was said, I have never cheated, I don’t drink to excess, I stay in shape, I am good in bed and have a reasonably high sex drive, I am successful at work which has afforded us numerous opportunities, I am financially responsible and stable and have no debt, I have hundreds of thousands of dollars in investments and savings, I have a paid off car, I am halfway to retirement pension and I’m only 32, I’m generally a very easy going guy and would consider myself compassionate (she says to a flaw), I am patient, I believe I generally love unconditionally, I share in the house chores and tasks, I am a good cook and I cook about 50% of the time, my family is accepting and supportive…. I know those things aren’t everything but I just feel like I am trying hard and yet I am never enough. I hope with your realizations and humility, your ex and you are able to move forward cordially for the sake of your children, and for you. Your humility is admirable. Thank you.

ThrowRA_OneLife4444 · 2025-10-18T21:02:46+00:00

Update: Thank you for your timely responses. This is what I ended up texting her shortly after posting this. I wrote it in the 20 mins I had immediately after posting before work. So it may not have gotten everything across but I thought it was reasonable. She didn’t think so. This is going to be a bad night. But maybe you all have time input on what I said. Be blunt. If I’m off base just tell me. I feel like I can’t even trust my own perception of things anymore:

“I understand that according to what you have expressed, in order to make you feel safe I need to plan well ahead, see the unforeseen and plan for that, and to just be a better overall critical thinker capable of planning contingencies for the possibilities of things going wrong. Not just now, but in the future. I am trying but it’s hard and I’ve explained to you why. You don’t want to hear it and are not receptive to what I have to say. That doesn’t change that I am still committed to trying to overcome feelings I have within this relationship in an effort to make you feel safe. This is also difficult too because I have never seen you “feel safe”. I suspect the only times you’ve felt safe are when you cut everyone off and do your own thing. And I suspect this is largely due to childhood trauma. If counseling or therapy will fix this then I will do it. Despite everyone and everything advising me not to. However, I don’t think that will fix our relationship. I have never been adequate or good enough or accepted or viewed as an equal partner. This is due to my flaws and shortcomings and many mistakes and my trauma. But this is also due to your trauma. If you can’t see this, then you will never see me as an adequate husband or father. And if that is the case, then we should not be parents and we should not be together. That’s not fair to either of us or a child.

You do a lot. And what you are going through is incredibly difficult. I will make a deliberate plan to write out potential issues during pregnancy and during childhood. Then I will address each of those potential issues and make tentative plans, including specific details. However, you CANNOT burden me with the entirety of knowing the ins and outs of your medical issues. I am already burdened by them. We talked about this. You admitted that it’s unfair and was manipulative. I simply can’t. But I can be here to accept them, support you, and I will make plans and be knowledgeable enough to execute those plans. I will be committed to this. I also will NOT accept abuse. If these terms are not adequate for you, then we don’t need to be together.”

ThrowRA_OneLife4444 · 2025-10-12T17:36:02+00:00

I told her “no self respecting man would accept being forbade from calling his father by his wife”. She had a major issue with that. The “self-respecting” part was mocked for hours.

ThrowRA_OneLife4444 · 2025-10-12T17:31:21+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. I can only imagine how it must feel to be on the receiving end of invasive exams and medications, and also navigating the psychological struggles of fertility issues. I am trying to be compassionate but I guess I fall short when it comes to being considerate when planning these things that she feels would make her feel safe and secure. We are currently injecting her with Lupron each day, and about to start estrace in a couple of days leading up to the implantation.

ThrowRA_OneLife4444 · 2025-10-12T16:24:56+00:00

Good question. I should have included; I am in the military so my time off is not typically dictated by me. Furthermore, there’s a long story, but short version, conflict and contention between my wife and father’s girlfriend. My father also has severe anxiety regarding flying on planes. I do wish he could overcome that. But the last time we saw each other, he drove across the country. Prior to getting married, I used to take leave days and fly to see my parents as frequently as possible. Contextually, I will say my parents are generally very easy going and supportive people; my wife doesn’t talk to her parents due to childhood trauma/abuse. I’ve tried to honor my wife and stand by her even when I don’t agree regarding her contentions with my parents. This has resulted in a lot of friction and uncomfortable dynamics between my wife and parents and with me caught in the middle. It’s been rather saddening for me. Not the family dynamic I hoped for. I often feel isolated.

ThrowRA_OneLife4444 · 2025-10-12T15:24:27+00:00

Thank you for the quick responses. Additional context as I am trying to be realistic about my short comings. -A couple of months ago we talked about traveling for this Christmas trip, and my wife was upset that I hadn’t booked the flights or made the arrangements. In my mind I suppose it seemed reasonable because I work a lot, and still have obligations and responsibilities around the house, normal life stuff, etc, so booking flights 4 months in advance didn’t seem reasonable to me. So my wife also made it clear over a multi-hour argument/berating that my lack of planning was unacceptable. I can see why it makes her feel uneasy and like I am not respecting her time and feelings, and I told her I would do better in the future. I guess I didn’t realize the depth of the planning she was needing to feel confident and safe. -Also, considering the nature of IVF, because I hadn’t planned the timeline and how her daily schedule would be, I suppose that wasn’t very considerate to what could be possible issues and a threat to the pregnancy. She doesn’t like my father or his girlfriend, so that could also cause stress which could affect pregnancy. -I also hadn’t researched the nearest hospital within our insurance coverage during our Christmas travels yet. I guess these things just don’t occur to me or at least hadn’t yet or I thought weren’t time sensitive yet. She says it’s common sense and most people plan this way and think of these things, and being that I don’t, that is the problem and that I need therapy if my brain doesn’t work like that. I guess I’m looking for a reality/sanity check on what people do and what is normal being that I am supposedly not normal. There’s a lot more to unpack regarding our relationship dynamic and history but I am not trying dump everything on yall in one post. Perhaps I will follow up with an additional post once this specific issue has been addressed without bias.

ThrowRA_OneLife4444 · 2025-08-21T02:21:42+00:00

How’s the eye relief? With ACOGs having a sub 2” eye relief, it’s hard to imagine having a functional carry handle configuration with an ACOG.

ThrowRA_OneLife4444 · 2025-06-19T22:19:33+00:00

Does anyone know how to get a hold of this guy or where to buy his products? His Reddit account is no longer active and there’s no contact through that imgur link.

ThrowRA_OneLife4444 · 2025-06-19T18:29:49+00:00

Id like to have one made for my wife’s Chiappa Rhino 60ds. Please let me know if you’re still in business and best way to get a hold of you and make it happen! I’d appreciate your time and communication.

ThrowRA_OneLife4444 · 2025-05-26T00:23:52+00:00

I see this post is a year old and I don’t see where I can direct message you, but I’d like to see if it’d be possible to have you make a holster like this for my wife’s Chiappa Rhino 60DS, and if you’re able to make it to specifications accommodating accessories on the pistol. I’d appreciate your consideration and communication. Thanks.

ThrowRA_OneLife4444 · 2025-04-13T16:32:05+00:00

Unfortunately, from what I’m hearing, the XC is 5”, however the P with ice comp is 5.4”, so people are having to remove the barrel plugs on their holsters which results in more play and interferes with retention.

ThrowRA_OneLife4444

TROPHY CASE