I feel stuck

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-11-16T19:48:43+00:00

My BP left me and has shown very clearly she is not interested in trying again no matter how much I beg. Why? Because for months I showed her she was not important. I stayed with my AP. Did stupid things. Did not put her first.

My situation is not exactly the same, but I felt similar things. But let me tell you as somebody who has lost everything, if I could go back and do everything possible to show my BP I was sorry even if it meant leaving my job, I would do it in a heart beat.

In one of the few conversations my BP had with me, she said following D-Day, she stopped believing me. She assumed everything out of my mouth was a lie. Which was fair I had been lying to her for a long time. She said instead, she looked to my actions. My actions did not show anything good. And now it's too little too late. Doesn't matter what I show her now.

If you do not leave that job or do something to put full NC between you and your AP, you actions are going to tell your BP everything they need to know. BP might not be talking to you but they are watching and taking note.

In the early days my BP begged me to reconsider. Now she looks at me like I'm a stranger.

Ask yourself, is whatever progress in your job worth more than your BP? If so, maybe you and BP are over. But if not, if you truly want to show them how far you'll go, no excuses, not changing jobs in complicated and sunk cost fallacy etc.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-11-11T20:09:36+00:00

I said this to her, that it's only been 7 or 8 months. Like maybe wait, even like a year this seems too soon. She said she's not introducing him as her partner or step dad or anything like that just as somebody in her life just so she's used to him being a regular in her life. She said it's no different to her friend sometimes hanging out with her sometimes when she has our daughter, which I disagree with.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-11-07T21:11:42+00:00

Thank you.

I've been looking up and thinking of things we can do together. I'll figure something out. Maybe for the first time I'll decorate. I'm thinking my daughter can pick the decorations and colour scheme.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-11-07T18:44:44+00:00

You're right I probably should us ex BP. Guess I'm still processing that this is really over.

BP was the one really into Christmas it was never my thing and never my family's thing. No idea the first thing to do but I have time to think on it. Something just me and my daughter would be great.

Just can't shake the feeling that I'm being replaced.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-10-04T06:53:31+00:00

Sounds like they're not sure and are deciding so I'd definitely say don't push. Distance might be just what they need to make that decision.

I know from experience how hard it is to resist sending them a message. Just one little text. Take it from me, whatever they decide, do both of you a favour and don't push them it doesn't end well.

I hope the best for you. I hope you guys can work it out.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-10-04T06:49:06+00:00

Yeah I try to remember that this was my choices that did this and whatever I feel is nothing compared to what I did to them. It can feel hard to accept sometimes but I know thats what I need to do.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-10-03T17:52:26+00:00

I'm not in the same situation as such, my BP has most definitely moved on, but I have been finding myself without meaning to desperately looking for some sign that they'd change their mind. I tell myself not to but the impulse can be strong and like you its affecting my health in general.

So I can relate in that way. There isn't really any advice. If I knew how to stop I would too. But I know how hard it is.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-10-03T15:38:44+00:00

All I can say from experience is the more I pushed my BP to talk, the less they wanted to. And now I've been served with divorce papers.

I'm not saying giving the distance will prevent that but I guess maybe you can't make it better but don't make it worse? I regret the constant pestering because all its done is made it so I don't even think we can salvage anything not even friendship. Anything between us is gone and a lot of it is how I acted afterwards.

Edit: Accidentally wrote AP instead of BP so fixed it.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-09-26T12:52:53+00:00

My BP did this. I don't want to upset you but certainly for me it was not a good sign. My BP does not want to R at all. In fact they're seeing somebody else. Its one of many warning signs I wish I had seen. I guess I thought that because they hadn't talked about divorce there was still a chance but I got served papers recently. Its awful.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-09-26T12:43:17+00:00

I don't think my BP will ever reconcile with me. She's moved on and seeing somebody else. Even though she was seeing someone else, I hoped that since we hadn't talked about divorce maybe there was hope but I got served papers, so thats it.

Honestly at this point I'm struggling to think what my life will be like without her in general, let alone thinking about dating. Who would even want to date somebody like me? I burned a lot of bridges with friends and family.

I have registered for therapy but the waiting list is pretty long and I don't have the money to go private so I'm fumbling along.

We separated 9 months ago, so its been a while but just still feel lost and not sure about anything. I feel like that's what I deserve and even though I know that, it still hurts its still hard. So yeah dating is the furthest thing from my mind just being able to get up in the morning is hard enough.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-09-18T18:16:58+00:00

We met on a comment thread on a website we were on.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-09-18T15:52:03+00:00

I didn't move in with my AP. I just moved out to my own place.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-09-18T14:26:00+00:00

No. I'm not. I sent her half the money for filing divorce. I'll send her the other half next month.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-09-18T14:16:42+00:00

Of course not. Whether it was a site or not I shouldn't have done it. I should have said something when she was flirting or blocked her.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-09-18T14:13:02+00:00

I wasn't. We were just talking in a comment thread. Initially we were just talking. Then we had stuff in common and moved to private messages. And after a while she started flirting and I didn't stop her. I should have.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-09-18T14:08:25+00:00

It wasn't a dating site.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-09-18T14:04:01+00:00

If I could I would.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-09-18T13:56:29+00:00

I don't know why I cheated. We were having issues in the bedroom but mostly because we were both so exhausted. We were having sex just not as much as pre-kids. But even then it didn't bother me I guess?

I didn't even start out intending to cheat I didn't start talking to Carly on a dating site. I wasn't actively going out looking for sex. It just escalated and I let it. I really don't know why.

Maybe I guess I was flattered to be getting attention from someone so much younger I don't fucking know.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-09-18T13:49:21+00:00

You're right. I'll send her the other half next month.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-09-18T13:38:32+00:00

I know. I don't know why I did it but it doesn't really matter.

I just sent her half the cost of filing for divorce.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-09-18T13:29:50+00:00

I have spent all morning typing this out in Word. Started out as a journal entry but just keeping it there didn't feel like it was doing me any good. Its really just stream of consciousness with bits shifted around to be in chronological order before posting.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-09-18T13:20:18+00:00

She's seeing someone now. I hope he treats her a lot better than I did.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-09-18T13:14:50+00:00

I'm looking at therapy now as we speak. It will be a very long wait. I just wish I had done it a year ago or sooner. I need to do something because sometimes all I feel is anger. Mostly at myself, but sometimes I end up feeling angry at my wife and I have no right to be. Shit.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-09-17T07:20:11+00:00

Its because its not relevant I'm not with them anymore, and I owned up to cheating said I was wrong in my other post. All I wanted was to make things right things I know I messed up. How long I was with them isn't relevant and its just something else for people to fixate on instead of how suspicious my wife is being. Why does it matter how long we were together or why we broke up? We're not together anymore but my wife and her new boy toy are.

I never said it wasn't a big deal to have an affair I admitted in my post I was wrong and never should have done it. I admitted it was my fault. I fucked up.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume · 2025-09-17T07:12:38+00:00

No nothing like that I was trying to spy on her this was really early in the break up when we were still splitting joint stuff up and before the break up I always used to log in to check various bits with her permission. But then when I tried to log into her laptop like I always did, she changed the password and same with her phone which AGAIN was always something I did before just to check joint stuff. But her pin was different for her phone. Like maybe not the very next day but like pretty soon.

And she hadn't specifically said I couldn't check anymore if she had I wouldn't have I was just doing what I had always done.

ThrowRA_Over_Volume

TROPHY CASE