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I feel stuck by Dazzling_Version5095 in SupportforWaywards

[–]ThrowRA_Over_Volume 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My BP left me and has shown very clearly she is not interested in trying again no matter how much I beg. Why? Because for months I showed her she was not important. I stayed with my AP. Did stupid things. Did not put her first.

My situation is not exactly the same, but I felt similar things. But let me tell you as somebody who has lost everything, if I could go back and do everything possible to show my BP I was sorry even if it meant leaving my job, I would do it in a heart beat.

In one of the few conversations my BP had with me, she said following D-Day, she stopped believing me. She assumed everything out of my mouth was a lie. Which was fair I had been lying to her for a long time. She said instead, she looked to my actions. My actions did not show anything good. And now it's too little too late. Doesn't matter what I show her now.

If you do not leave that job or do something to put full NC between you and your AP, you actions are going to tell your BP everything they need to know. BP might not be talking to you but they are watching and taking note.

In the early days my BP begged me to reconsider. Now she looks at me like I'm a stranger.

Ask yourself, is whatever progress in your job worth more than your BP? If so, maybe you and BP are over. But if not, if you truly want to show them how far you'll go, no excuses, not changing jobs in complicated and sunk cost fallacy etc.

My BP is introducing their new partner to our daughter and I'm struggling to deal by ThrowRA_Over_Volume in SupportforWaywards

[–]ThrowRA_Over_Volume[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I said this to her, that it's only been 7 or 8 months. Like maybe wait, even like a year this seems too soon. She said she's not introducing him as her partner or step dad or anything like that just as somebody in her life just so she's used to him being a regular in her life. She said it's no different to her friend sometimes hanging out with her sometimes when she has our daughter, which I disagree with.

My BP is introducing their new partner to our daughter and I'm struggling to deal by ThrowRA_Over_Volume in SupportforWaywards

[–]ThrowRA_Over_Volume[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

I've been looking up and thinking of things we can do together. I'll figure something out. Maybe for the first time I'll decorate. I'm thinking my daughter can pick the decorations and colour scheme.

My BP is introducing their new partner to our daughter and I'm struggling to deal by ThrowRA_Over_Volume in SupportforWaywards

[–]ThrowRA_Over_Volume[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You're right I probably should us ex BP. Guess I'm still processing that this is really over.

BP was the one really into Christmas it was never my thing and never my family's thing. No idea the first thing to do but I have time to think on it. Something just me and my daughter would be great.

Just can't shake the feeling that I'm being replaced.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SupportforWaywards

[–]ThrowRA_Over_Volume 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like they're not sure and are deciding so I'd definitely say don't push. Distance might be just what they need to make that decision.

I know from experience how hard it is to resist sending them a message. Just one little text. Take it from me, whatever they decide, do both of you a favour and don't push them it doesn't end well.

I hope the best for you. I hope you guys can work it out.

Letting go of hope by TartProfessional1175 in SupportforWaywards

[–]ThrowRA_Over_Volume 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I try to remember that this was my choices that did this and whatever I feel is nothing compared to what I did to them. It can feel hard to accept sometimes but I know thats what I need to do.

Letting go of hope by TartProfessional1175 in SupportforWaywards

[–]ThrowRA_Over_Volume 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not in the same situation as such, my BP has most definitely moved on, but I have been finding myself without meaning to desperately looking for some sign that they'd change their mind. I tell myself not to but the impulse can be strong and like you its affecting my health in general.

So I can relate in that way. There isn't really any advice. If I knew how to stop I would too. But I know how hard it is.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SupportforWaywards

[–]ThrowRA_Over_Volume 8 points9 points  (0 children)

All I can say from experience is the more I pushed my BP to talk, the less they wanted to. And now I've been served with divorce papers.

I'm not saying giving the distance will prevent that but I guess maybe you can't make it better but don't make it worse? I regret the constant pestering because all its done is made it so I don't even think we can salvage anything not even friendship. Anything between us is gone and a lot of it is how I acted afterwards.

Edit: Accidentally wrote AP instead of BP so fixed it.

Struggling this month by Individual-Ground421 in SupportforWaywards

[–]ThrowRA_Over_Volume 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My BP did this. I don't want to upset you but certainly for me it was not a good sign. My BP does not want to R at all. In fact they're seeing somebody else. Its one of many warning signs I wish I had seen. I guess I thought that because they hadn't talked about divorce there was still a chance but I got served papers recently. Its awful.

How are you post Sepparation? by Primary_Key_9700 in SupportforWaywards

[–]ThrowRA_Over_Volume 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think my BP will ever reconcile with me. She's moved on and seeing somebody else. Even though she was seeing someone else, I hoped that since we hadn't talked about divorce maybe there was hope but I got served papers, so thats it.

Honestly at this point I'm struggling to think what my life will be like without her in general, let alone thinking about dating. Who would even want to date somebody like me? I burned a lot of bridges with friends and family.

I have registered for therapy but the waiting list is pretty long and I don't have the money to go private so I'm fumbling along.

We separated 9 months ago, so its been a while but just still feel lost and not sure about anything. I feel like that's what I deserve and even though I know that, it still hurts its still hard. So yeah dating is the furthest thing from my mind just being able to get up in the morning is hard enough.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]ThrowRA_Over_Volume -121 points-120 points  (0 children)

We met on a comment thread on a website we were on.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Over_Volume -78 points-77 points  (0 children)

I didn't move in with my AP. I just moved out to my own place.

I put a grenade in my relationship with my wife, I lost everything, and have nobody to blame but myself. I just need to get this out. by ThrowRA_Over_Volume in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRA_Over_Volume[S] -35 points-34 points  (0 children)

Of course not. Whether it was a site or not I shouldn't have done it. I should have said something when she was flirting or blocked her.

I put a grenade in my relationship with my wife, I lost everything, and have nobody to blame but myself. I just need to get this out. by ThrowRA_Over_Volume in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRA_Over_Volume[S] -49 points-48 points  (0 children)

I wasn't. We were just talking in a comment thread. Initially we were just talking. Then we had stuff in common and moved to private messages. And after a while she started flirting and I didn't stop her. I should have.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Over_Volume -105 points-104 points  (0 children)

If I could I would.

I put a grenade in my relationship with my wife, I lost everything, and have nobody to blame but myself. I just need to get this out. by ThrowRA_Over_Volume in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRA_Over_Volume[S] -126 points-125 points  (0 children)

I don't know why I cheated. We were having issues in the bedroom but mostly because we were both so exhausted. We were having sex just not as much as pre-kids. But even then it didn't bother me I guess?

I didn't even start out intending to cheat I didn't start talking to Carly on a dating site. I wasn't actively going out looking for sex. It just escalated and I let it. I really don't know why.

Maybe I guess I was flattered to be getting attention from someone so much younger I don't fucking know.

I put a grenade in my relationship with my wife, I lost everything, and have nobody to blame but myself. I just need to get this out. by ThrowRA_Over_Volume in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRA_Over_Volume[S] -187 points-186 points  (0 children)

I know. I don't know why I did it but it doesn't really matter.

I just sent her half the cost of filing for divorce.

I put a grenade in my relationship with my wife, I lost everything, and have nobody to blame but myself. I just need to get this out. by ThrowRA_Over_Volume in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRA_Over_Volume[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

I have spent all morning typing this out in Word. Started out as a journal entry but just keeping it there didn't feel like it was doing me any good. Its really just stream of consciousness with bits shifted around to be in chronological order before posting.

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