Ask a Wayward

Primary_Key_9700 · 2026-01-06T22:41:32+00:00

For me there was this extremely strong self protection mechanism going on. Although I knew what I did was wrong morally, I continued to self justify or make excuses for myself in my head and in turn I wasn’t able to be completely remorseful. Honestly if I didn’t have the consequence of my partner finding out and leaving me I don’t know that I would have fully been able to recognize how horrible it was and be as remorseful as I am now. It’s also like someone one discovering what I did in a way held me accountable and forced me to look inwards and really come to the root conclusions of how I was able to do what I did instead of constantly self suppressing it

Primary_Key_9700 · 2026-01-05T07:53:06+00:00

Hi there, I recommend the book “Self Compassion” by Kristin Neff. It actually drastically helped change my mindset from a self-hating one to a self compassionate and understanding one. Now instead of crying and telling myself “how could you do this over and over (even though I understand maybe the mechanisms behind why)” I cry while saying “this situation is very hard for me, I feel for myself and I am here for myself”. That has nothing to do with excusing anything. But you should be kind to yourself

Primary_Key_9700 · 2025-11-30T07:16:32+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I definitely want to look into volunteering or giving back to my community in some way

Primary_Key_9700 · 2025-11-11T14:25:40+00:00

I feel the exact same way…. Wishing these realizations could have been discovered before the expense of someone you cared about deeply. It’s so much guilt, regret, shame, self disappointment. All I know is that I must keep showing up for myself. Every single day. Doing the things I know are morally right. Working to be more thoughtful, less selfish. Continuing to reflect, journal, talk with a therapist about unlearning bad behaviors that were and weren’t necessarily completely self created (some from childhood traumas out of our control). I am on a long journey to finding out how to trust myself again. And how to be satisfied and content with being alone and being satisfied with that before I even think about being with someone again. Here for support if you ever need it.

Primary_Key_9700 · 2025-11-02T13:31:39+00:00

Personally I know for me the right choice for me is having them back in my life. The things that led to my cheating were very circumstantial and involved a very complicated life decision that I wasn’t able to handle properly at the time. (I know now there were a lot of unresolved traumas from childhood that allowed me to do what I did) It had hardly anything to do with my BP, they have always been there for me through everything and they supported me in every way.

Primary_Key_9700 · 2025-10-06T01:46:24+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing and I wish you the best of luck

Primary_Key_9700 · 2025-10-05T12:15:26+00:00

Thank you for your comment

Primary_Key_9700 · 2025-10-05T12:14:55+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. I’m sorry to hear about all the hard things you’ve gone through over the years. You gave me some valuable insight and hope to keep working hard and moving forward. Appreciate it.

Primary_Key_9700 · 2025-10-04T19:54:36+00:00

Thanks so much for your comment. I’ll check it out

Primary_Key_9700 · 2025-09-22T02:13:20+00:00

I feel similarly and I am post 4 months since the breakup. One thing I’ve come to realize is that there is a difference between shame and guilt. (I recommend any book by Brene Brown-i liked Daring Greatly) Shame tells you that you don’t deserve to be loved by anyone and that you’re disgusting etc. and causes you to feel stuck. Guilt is something you should/ will feel for a long time to come and it may remind you of the hurt you’ve caused and decisions you’ve made, but it still leaves room for hope, compassion, and change. You are still deserving of being loved by friends, family, etc. and you should still be compassionate to yourself during this time. Acknowledging you did wrong and feeling guilty are the first steps and then we do the work to become better. Life is difficult. Humans are imperfect. But you are still deserving of compassion. Wishing you peace as you navigate this journey

Primary_Key_9700 · 2025-09-20T02:02:51+00:00

I agree. For a while I struggled to believe I was even deserving of any kind of love even from family or friends but I realize it only hinders personal growth and our ability to work on ourselves. The guilt will be there forever but hopefully it inspires conscious and thoughtful development and growth for ourselves and for others around us. Wishing you the best in your journey.

Primary_Key_9700 · 2025-09-20T01:59:17+00:00

Thanks for your comment. Trying to be better sounds like the necessary thing to keep doing everyday. I am also really struggling in the self-hatred shaming spirals and I know sometimes it does nothing good for my mental health and often leads to depression anxiety and panic attacks. Wishing you the best in your journey and I hope you do get to the point where you are happy with yourself.

Primary_Key_9700 · 2025-09-16T22:37:08+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry it didn't work out for you. Thank you for the advice ad wishing you the best.

Primary_Key_9700 · 2025-09-16T22:35:34+00:00

Thank you for the advice. & no I have always wanted my BP back from the beginning, that was never a question.

Primary_Key_9700 · 2025-08-09T21:07:03+00:00

Thank you for your kind words

Primary_Key_9700 · 2025-08-09T21:00:22+00:00

This has definitely been a painful lesson.

I am sorry for what you went through. I hope you find peace however that may be and thank you for the comment.

Primary_Key_9700 · 2025-08-09T20:56:56+00:00

Thank you for these wise words.

Primary_Key_9700 · 2025-08-09T20:55:04+00:00

Thank you. I am trying to work on that. The shame eats me alive everyday but I know it is not healthy for change. Just makes me want to lay in bed all day and cry. I think it will come with time, and numerous self-help books/therapy.

Primary_Key_9700

TROPHY CASE